December 17, 1969

Although our mailbox wasn’t as full as during pre-wedding days, Nate faithfully checked it. I loved receiving occasional letters from Mary, Mom, and others who kept me current with the news of family and friends back home.

One day, after I’d hiked up the stairs at the end of a long work day, Nate and I greeted each other warmly as always – but then he said, “Interesting mail today.”

“From who?” I said.

With a serious expression he turned to get the letter, handing it to me while keeping his eyes on my face. Immediately I recognized the writing — my old boyfriend.

Although it was addressed to both of us, Nate had chosen not to open it.

“I have no idea what it is,” I said, “but you can open it if you want.”

“No thanks,” he said.

When I was still dating this guy, I was also exchanging letters with Nate, and he knew about the relationship from before it began until after it ended 18 months later. I often asked “my friend Nate” for advice about how to handle conflict with “my boyfriend,” and through that time Nate never said a negative word about him.

Instead, he gave his objective opinions, absent of any pressure on me to break it off, though that’s what he was hoping for. He gave me the freedom to choose while praying passionately that God would turn my heart toward him.

As I held this unexpected letter in a hand that was slightly trembling, I looked up at my young husband and saw something new in his face: anger. Not toward me but toward the letter and its author.

Wanting to reassure him I said, “If you want to, we can just throw it away without opening it.”

“No.” he said, “Let’s see what he wants.”

I opened the envelope and began reading aloud, struggling with a tightness in my throat. “I’d like to be friends with both of you,” he wrote. “So I’m inviting you to my New Year’s Eve party. It’ll be at my house – Dec. 31, of course.”

He wrote about a new beginning and gave the details of the party, ending with, “Hope to see you there!”

Nate didn’t say a word, but his thoughts were all over his face. He waited for me to speak.

I handed the letter back to him and said, “I have absolutely zero interest in having a relationship with him, or attending his party. I hope I never see him again in my whole life.”

Nate’s expression relaxed a bit and he encircled me in a strong hug. Though I still felt shaky, I was sure everything was going to work out right. Together we composed a brief response with a “no” for the RSVP, clearly stating we weren’t interested in pursuing friendship.

Later as we walked to the mailbox, we talked further about the letter and the possibility of other outside influences coming from all kinds of places with potential to harm our marriage. And we decided then and there that we would be intentional about fending them all off…. together.

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” (Proverbs 4:23)