When Nelson was younger and not yet submitted to Christ, he struggled with heavy bouts of fear. In July of 2022, Satan was up to his old tricks again, bringing fear back into his life—as if to kick a man who was already down. Nelson wrote about it in his journal.

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July 25, 2022

I have hardly known a time when I struggled more with fear than I do now, today.

Starting yesterday, while my brother Hans was visiting Annso, Astrid, Will, and I here in Rochester, we took a short walk around the block, which went fine until we returned and started eating dinner.

I felt fear overcome me like a panic I have not had since I was in college back in the ‘90s, or even before that. Hard to put my finger on the origin, but the feeling that I would be overtaken by it, eaten by it, or somehow destroyed by it became totally overwhelming.

I finally became humble enough to confess the problem to everyone, and they prayed for me. I helped myself along with a couple Lorazepam pills I had from the meds in my cabinet from the hospital.

After an hour or so, the feeling subsided, and I was able to sleep through the night. I can hardly put into words what it was (and even still feels) like. For someone who doesn’t struggle with stuff like that anymore, it’s been unreal.

I’m hopefully coming into a place of progress with the Lord in the area of fear. Being in the hospital and the feeling of being stuck there, powerless, alone even with people, unable to help myself, was and is totally foreign to me.

Is it chemical? Is it spiritual? I don’t know. I messaged the nice folks at Mayo, and they kicked into gear, offering a meeting on Wednesday, the day after tomorrow. My Palliative Care team will try to see if there is something I can do to add to my current Prozac instead of getting hooked on the Lorazepam. Apparently, it’s very addictive and has not so great side effects and withdrawal symptoms.

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“You came near when I called on You. You said, ‘Do not fear!’ ” (Lamentations 3:57)