Nelson is immersing himself in Scripture, using this entry to write down a few of them.
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October 3, 2022
“Hope in the Lord and keep his way. He will exalt you to inherit the land; when the wicked are destroyed, you will see it.” (Psalm 37:34)
A great verse from Psalm 37. I have found that so much of life’s struggle comes from comparison with others. I see a guy who is evil or close to it, prospering, doing nothing to honor God and getting everything he wants, being healthy, living totally for himself, appearing totally happy, sitting there bragging about the things he does and the things he will do with seemingly no consequences.
Then I am trying in the best way I know how, to honor God in word and deed, and even though I am not perfect at it, I am trying. But I sit here fighting cancer and have challenges they know nothing about.
I am wrong for comparing myself, no doubt. But I am glad there are verses like this one that at least vindicate me a little, otherwise it seems like a losing battle. Like Paul says in 1 Corinthians 15:19, “If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied.”
We try to follow Jesus when he says things like, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.” (Matthew 16:24). If the whole thing is a farce and Jesus did not rise from the dead, then there is no power, there is no afterlife that we have any say in, and we should fight for ourselves here, instead of giving it to Jesus and trying to follow him.
I believe Jesus did rise, so verses like the one at the top are a huge encouragement to keep going and wait for him to redeem us.
“The salvation of the righteous comes from the Lord; he is their stronghold in time of trouble. The Lord helps them and delivers them; he delivers them from the wicked and saves them, because they take refuge in him.” (Psalm 37:39-40)
It’s Monday today. We have a few things on the schedule, but like usual, it’s pretty free. Ralph wants help fixing his car. We started it the other day but needed a part. I ordered it, and now it’s here.
I have a blood draw at 11 am, and Annso wants to walk around by our new house. I would like to check on them [the house loan people] and see how long it will be before they give us the full green light on the loan. We are inside a month, and we still don’t have that.
I got one document from the underwriter, and it starts off with, “You’ve been approved…” Then, when I email the girl who sent it, she says, “Not yet. They will decide tomorrow, more than likely.” We still have 3 weeks until closing, but it’s a nail-biter anyway.
Lots of good things happened today, like me feeling better for starters. Still weaning off the slow release morphine. Makes you feel like you have the flu a little. I sweated through 5 shirts last night. Got up each time, totally soaked through. Hard to believe there’s that much sweat in a person.
Why is the Morphine slow-release like that? The human body is so complex, I am learning. One thing I realize is how much of an addict I still am. I obsess on anything that brings a good feeling. Whether it’s Oxycodone or Morphine, I constantly think about it.
Even the little high a Starbucks coffee gives me (right) with the cream and sugar is enough to do it a little bit, too. It’s crazy.
I wish I were different, like Annso, and didn’t want to have my state of mind altered or dumbed down, but it’s just automatic. It’s a reminder that even though this stuff is within bounds for now, a drink of alcohol mustn’t ever cross my lips, or it might be the beginning of something not good. I still feel like I wouldn’t be able to control it. Or I would try, but it would cost me so much… and I have more than ever to lose now. It just doesn’t fit into my life anymore.
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“Be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers.” (1 Peter 4:7)