I’ve always wondered what life would be like as a pastor’s wife, particularly when the pastor has thousands in his congregation. My good friend Rebecca, wife of Pastor Erwin Lutzer of Moody Church, agreed to share a few thoughts on this subject in tonight’s blog.
“I’ve been a pastor’s wife for 35 years, and our family has had challenges like any other. ‘Living in a fish bowl’ produces its own unique stresses and demands. A dear older lady in our first pastorate told me, ‘Just be yourself.’ That was a little scary, but it turned out to be good advice.
“I grew up in the Dallas area in a dysfunctional family of extreme poverty but had a long-term dream of becoming a missionary nurse. God had a different plan, however, and I married a promising young professor/preacher. Because I’d told God I didn’t want to marry a pastor, I thought the Lord had made a mistake.
“Being shy and feeling inferior to other women, I was unprepared for the role and thought God was asking me to do the impossible. But in reality he was asking me to overcome these obstacles and learn to show hospitality, mercy and kindness to others.
“I struggled against the tendency to be like Martha in the New Testament, wanting everything to be just right for guests. I fretted over what others thought of my home and family, wondering how I could serve them with grace. Eventually I realized the state of my heart was more important than the state of my home, and I learned to set aside my Martha-tendencies and become more like Mary, sitting at Jesus’ feet.
“There have been times when I’ve resisted God’s will for me. I’ve made mistakes and have had heart-struggles with stubbornness anger, doubt, ungratefulness and pride. Over the years God dealt mercifully with me, teaching me from Scripture that he ‘resists the proud but gives grace to the humble.’ (James 4:6) And how wonderful it is that he always forgives.
“Having a solid, strong, loving marriage doesn’t prevent disagreements, disappointments and misunderstandings. As with most marriages, we came from different backgrounds, birth orders, and personalities. We’ve learned to encourage each others’ successes and gifts, give each other space and time to grow, and cherish those traits that are endearing.
“Our lives haven’t gone exactly as we thought they would, and some of our hopes and dreams will never happen. We wouldn’t choose some of the experiences God had in mind for us, especially those involving pain and tragedy. But God works all these things together for good in our lives, and he always knows what’s best. The key to success in any marriage is being willing to deny our rights in order to serve each other. God wants us to forgive, even as we’ve been forgiven.
“Erwin and I have chosen a life verse to guide our marriage:
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
Thanks for sharing, Rebecca. You ministered to Jim and I and our family all those years ago at Moody Church – especially by allowing me to come over and do laundry at your house. I’m sure it wasn’t convenient for you, but it made a big impression on me. We are still in ministry, and our daughter is now a pastor’s wife. I’m going to share this with her. It will be a great encouragement. God bless you.
I LOVE everything Dr. Lutzer has written and have all his books. I also listen to him on BBN. It is nice to read something by his lovely wife. Thank you for sharing. God bless!
Thanks for your candidness, Rebecca. I appreciate the good insight that a difficult place is the means the Lord uses to grow me in areas of weakness and insecurity. Your authenticity and Holy Spirit led self-examination is refreshing.
Love,
Terry
Rebecca, your love and encouragement to me over the last 30+ years has meant the world to me. I saw the transformation in you that you describe, just as you have seen many changes in me. Isn’t it funny that just when you were “fretting” about what others thought of you, I was worrying about what you and Erwin would think of me!
Your friendship is a precious gift to me and I love you dearly! Thank you for once again encouraging and reminding me of what is really important.
Amen. Thank you for sharing your heart with us.
My mom, a blogger! I knew it could happen. Thanks for sharing openly, mom, and thanks for being such a great mom 🙂
I so enjoyed this….thank you for sharing your heart, Rebecca. I’ve noted over the years, people think that because one is married to a ‘pastor’ – ‘preacher’ they seem to ‘expect’ you to be – the ‘grand hostess, bible teacher, counselor (even some pastors are not good counselors)and don’t REALLY understand the person as an individual. Congratulations to you, for allowing the Holy Spirit to help you become the person He created you to be….a beautiful lady.
Hi Rebecca – it’s been a long time since we’ve seen each other, but I appreciated what you shared today now that I fall into that unique group of women called “pastor’s wives”. What an encouragement to my soul.
I first met Rebecca and Edwin on a tour of Israel several years ago. Hiking back up from the ancient city of Petra in Jordan in a
dry canyon I had an opportunity to sit on some rocks and rest a few minutes with her. That one brief conversation with her left a lasting impression. I thought then and now that she has spiritual
gifts that are different from and compliment those of her pastor husband. I was was quite struck by a very strong sense of the kindness in her spirit and of a person who is genuine with no need for pretense. What a refreshing encounter with a person who was a stranger to me in a world often populated with many who have an inordinate need to impress everyone with how gifted or sophisticated they imagine themselves to be.
I have thot of you off n on over the ladt 30 some years. I would love to reconnect. I was in your Bible Study Fellowship vroul.
Love, Lynda Hughes at 64penny73@gmail.com