In the ranks of our 7 children, Klaus and Hans (#4, #5) are the closest in age at 16 months apart. While pregnant with Hans I worried how I’d deal with a newborn while still caring for a one-year-old, but somehow it got done, and after those first few difficult months, it was a joy to watch these boys build a strong friendship that’s lasted 3 decades.

When Hans got married, Klaus was his best man. This summer when Klaus gets married, Hans will be his best man. As their mom, I’m blessed to watch them relate not only as brothers but also as friends, which is true for any mother observing closeness between her children.

But it doesn’t always turn out this way, and when it doesn’t, a mom can’t force it. When children are young, we can promote harmony telling them to say, “I’m sorry” and “I forgive you,” hoping eventually they’ll understand the importance of those words. In the end, though, sibling friendship is up to siblings.

I wonder if God views the earthly friendships of his children as moms do. After all, once we become Christians, we’re all siblings in his family, and whether or not we get along is really up to us.

I love his realistic emphasis in Romans 12:18. “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Although God is completely divine, he comes wonderfully down-to-earth with these instructive words. He lets us know that he knows it’s difficult (and sometimes not even possible) to live at peace with siblings or others. But what he tells us to do, we can do, which is to promote peace whenever it depends solely on us.

We can’t force peace if the other half of the relationship doesn’t want it, but we can be flawless with our half. And we don’t have to wonder what that looks like, because God gets us started with 20 useful ideas:

• Love honestly.
• Hate evil.
• Promote the excellent.
• Let others get the glory.
• Serve God with enthusiasm.
• Demonstrate joy.
• Have hope.
• Navigate troubles patiently.
• Pray daily.
• Give to the needy.
• Invite people over.
• Show kindness to the unkind.
• Get excited over another’s happiness.
• Be sad with a mourner.
• Promote harmony at home.
• Don’t rank people.
• Practice humility.
• Never try to even-the-score.
• Make righteous choices.
• Remind yourself God is always working.

In practicing these, even some of them, we’ll steadily chip away at the Lord’s instructions to live at peace “when it depends on us.” And to the extent we make that effort, he’ll skillfully cause all sorts of unexpected things to happen behind the scenes until (surprise!) fractious relationships begin to evidence peace…

…sometimes even when we thought it wasn’t possible.

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Romans 12:18)