I laughed the other day when a radio commentator made reference to today’s students as the “I-heart-you generation.” She was referring to the abbreviated communication between boyfriends and girlfriends that has replaced traditional love letters. Texts and tweets are preferred over hand-written messages that were, in bygone years, scented with perfume, sealed with a kiss and read over and over again.
I still have every one of Nate’s love letters, written to me in the late sixties and early seventies. They span the weeks after we met, the time during which we developed a friendship, the months of his active duty in the Army and our five month engagement period. As I recall, they included a vocabulary of love, original four-line poetry and an abundance of longing, although I haven’t re-read them in forty years.
Nate was a frequent letter-writer during those days but also spoke the language of the I-heart-you-generation long before 21st century kids ever thought of it. Always the gift-giver, in our early years together he communicated his love with heart-shaped necklaces. The first was a small one made of ruby chips which I’ve worn hundreds of times. After that, any heart that would strike his fancy found its way home.
His most recent heart gift came during the summer of 2007 just after our son Hans got married. It was time to go home, and we were painfully late for our flight to Chicago. As we raced through the Manchester airport dragging wheeled bags and carrying many more, my eye caught on a display of chunky heart-shaped glass pendants in a glittering gift shop. “Oooo!” I pointed as we ran past. “Look at those!”
I never broke stride but ten paces further realized Nate had. When I looked back, he was stopped in front of the necklace display, reaching into his pocket. “Might as well get rid of our British pounds,” he said, looking at me. “Come and pick one fast!”
No problem, since they were all gorgeous. We made the plane, the whole crowd of us, just before they closed the doors, and today I have my glass heart, along with that joyful memory of Nate’s desire to please. I never had cause to doubt his love.
Nate loved me in a 1 Corinthians 13 kind of way. In doing so, he was being Christ-like, and I wish I’d thanked him for that. God’s love for his children can’t be duplicated, because he’s God and we’re not. And his greatest love-gift, that of his Son Jesus, represents a depth of love beyond all human possibility. Nevertheless, he wants us to reflect his love as we try to love others. Nate did a good job of that.
In the days immediately after he died, my heart hurt. I wore his heart necklaces often, sometimes under my hoodies, thinking about the circumstances that prompted each gift. Then one day while opening the mail, I came to a padded envelope. A college friend who knew nothing of Nate’s penchant for heart pendants had sent a golden heart with the word “Nate” engraved on it. She said, “You don’t have to wear it in the traditional way. Just pin it to your pillow, hang it over a mirror or slip it into your pocket.”
I was touched deeply by her thoughtfulness, and it seemed a fitting final necklace to add to Nate’s series of hearts. He “hearted” me, and one of these days I’ll celebrate by re-reading those old love letters. On a cold winter night, it’s bound to be a warm walk down Memory Lane.
“Love comes from God… for God is love. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.” (1 John 4:7,8,10, parts)
I ran across your blog today. I am so envious of the love your husband had for you and the love you had for your husband. That unconditional love has eluded me and my life. I am hunting for this kind of love. Perhaps in the future I will find it. Please, I’m so happy for you that you have had this very precious gift. Your family sounds insanely happy.
Dear Anonymous,
I am so glad you found Margaret’s blog today, she is very gifted.
I want you to know that you too can experience the unconditional love that she writes about. This love that has eluded you is available for you today; what you see in Margret and Nate’s relationship is mearly a mirrored reflection of our Savior’s love for each of us. You may have noticed I used the term “our” Savior and not “the” Savior; the Savior I am talking about is Jesus Christ and he desires to have a personal relationship with each of us and when we accept that gift he becomes “My/Our” Savior. The relationship that we enjoy in Jesus is one of unconditional love, he loves us even when we are unlovable; what comfort that gives.
We are all sinners.
Jesus died for our sins.
He conquered death and sits at the right hand of God the Father.
He is waiting for you to accept what He did for you.
Your future begins today.
16″For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son (Jesus Christ), that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. John 3:16-17
May the love of Christ dwell in you richley.
Readers – let’s commit to pray that this person finds the love they need.
Indeed. I John 4:9, 10: “This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.”
Lovely thoughts and memories, Margaret. To have had a husband who loved you so greatly and demonstrated it with words and deeds is priceless and a great gift. I, too, have all the love letters Erwin wrote to me during our friendship and courtship, and many lovely pieces of jewelry that he has given me that express his love. We are so blessed to have the love of devoted men.
Hello, dear Margaret –
My husband is the note-leaver in our family. I find them in different places at the most unusual times – stuck in Habbakuk (sp?), on the top sheet of a sticky-note pad, on the note pad by the phone, etc. Such gifts. I think I have all of them since we’ve been married (35 years), and some have been left right where he put them ready to be discovered anew. God does the same thing – of course, there is His Word, but there are also those many times when a Scripture verse comes to mind, or a song begins running through my mind, or paticularly nice weather, or a spectacular view. He is saying, ‘I love you.’ in all of those things. May you always have the comfort of the memories of Nate’s love, and the ‘new every morning’ love of God.
Ditto the reader comments above.
It is no mistake, dear anonymous commenter, that you happened onto Margaret’s blog. The true lover of your soul has brought you here by divine appointment, in the midst of all of your life circumstances and disappointments and heartaches. He is what your heart is searching for.
The truth is that no humans, no matter how good the relationship, can truly love each other unconditionally- a big thing called sin gets in the way. But the Sinless One does love us unconditionally.
Even in the best of relationships, such as the good example of Margaret and Nate, the universal consequence of sin, that of death of the body, parts the two and leaves the one heartbroken. Gosh, so in the worst case, we may never find such a love to call our own, and in the best case, when we find it, we lose it in the end. Thanks for the encouragement, huh?!
The thing about life on earth is that nothing in it was ever meant to or can bring true soul fulfillment- it’s a broken place. But even in it’s brokenness it whispers and rumours of something much better. The desire for a soul mate, an unconditional lover of our soul, is a good thing. I don’t know who said it, but he said, “to love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.” We have that longing because God has that longing and we are created in His image.
I think Peggy Noonan has said it so well- “we have lost the Old Knowledge that happiness is overrated, that, in a way, life is overrated. We have lost, somehow, a sense of mystery, about us, our purpose, our meaning, our role. Our ancestors believed in two worlds, and understood this to be the solitary, poor, nasty, brutish and short one. We are the first generation of man that actually expected to find happiness here on earth, and our search for it has caused such–unhappiness. The reason: If you do not believe in another, higher world, if you believe only in the flat material world around you, if you believe that this is your only chance at happiness–if that is what you believe, then you are disappointed when the world does not give you a good measure of its riches…you are despairing.”
Margaret and Nate’s relationship is an envious one, but beneath that, what made it work were two people committed to Jesus Christ first. Good marriages are hard work and don’t happen by luck. Even the ones that start out star struck, eventually move to the place where sin and self cloud the stars. Then the real love begins. Does Jesus Christ guarantee a happy marriage? Nope, but it does change the focus- from personal fulfillment to personal transformation. Ultimately, me being different is what God has in mind, not just in marriage, but in any relationship and in all circumstances of life. First, He draws me to Himself, to love and be loved by Him, and then He spends the rest of my life making me more like Him. He will use good relationships, bad relationships, and no relationships at all to get that done.
“Jesus, You heart us, and our soul is restless until it finds and rests first in Your love. Draw us deeply into that love, make us more like You, and then make us love channels to others. Amen.”
Thanks for another insight into what made your marriage work.
Love,
Terry
Great post Marnie! I love the airport story. 🙂
Anonymous,
I am Margaret’s niece and just wanted to say that you can be insanely happy too. I’m praying for you.
I am in the middle of a divorce that is not of my choosing. I thought I had married my soul mate, and God was giving me a second chance to have a loving marriage. What I have found through this journey is that, indeed, humans will disappoint and fail, but God never will. The grace He has shown me through this has been wonderful, and I know He is still in control. My husband leaving me isn’t in God’s will, and He won’t force my husband to turn from his current path, but he is quite able to work the circumstances around my husband in ways that continue to amaze me.
Whatever the outcome of this is, I’m leaving the situation in God’s hands knowing that He will take care of me throughout this storm. Why is it that we look to Him more when going through a struggle? When things are going well, our tendency is to tell God that we’re good, and have things under control. I think we grow more in our walk and in faith when going through storms. I have learned through this that grace comes in direct proportion to obedience. As I have placed this situation at the foot of the cross, and surrendered my control over it, God has fulfilled His promise to fight my battles for me. Amazing, and wonderful to not worry about the outcomes or feel I have to manage it.
I may be single for the remainder of my days here on earth, and it that’s so, ok. I had several wonderful years with my husband, and wouldn’t trade them for anything.
Margaret, how wonderful that you had all the years you did with Nate. You truly were blessed and we all wish for the same kind of relationship for ourselves. But, humans being humans, it doesn’t always work out that way. But, in the end, our relationship with Jesus is the one that matters the most.
I have enjoyed reading your blog, and will check back from time to time.
Best wishes,
Kim