Four years ago today, Nate and I sat in front of 8 doctors and learned his body was full of cancer. In that 2 hour meeting we also learned he wasn’t going to live much longer. I sometimes wonder if September 22 will always be part of a strange equation in my mind:
September 22 + medical news = death sentence.
It might just as well be:
September 22 + cancer = hopes dashed.
When I think of the specific hopes that were destroyed that day, the list is long:
- the hope Nate would have relationships with our grandchildren
- the hope he’d be able to attend the remaining family weddings
- the hope we would travel together
- the hope he would be the one to wrap-up his own legal practice one day
- the hope I’d be able to ask his advice for many years to come
…and so much more. Since the memory of September 22 is all bad, should that day be deliberately remembered each year?
As always, I asked God what he wanted me to think about that, and he told me, showing me how often the Bible promoted looking back, even at the bad stuff. For instance, he said to the Israelites, “Remember when you were slaves and couldn’t change your destiny for 400 years?” But then he added, “Remember also how I ended it in one day?” It’s another equation:
400 + God’s plan = freedom
In scores of scriptural examples God directed people back to dark memories but always linked them to his presence there: “Remember how you were trapped between a vicious army and a deep sea? But please don’t forget how I rearranged your situation 100% in just a few minutes!” The equation:
military disaster + breath of God = 100% safety
In other words, God urges us to go back to difficult days but not for the purpose of wallowing in their misery. Instead he wants us to recognize that he was in those exact circumstances at the same time we were, adding good to all the bad. He knows we have a hard time spotting him in the midst of a crisis, but when the emergency is over, he wants us to look back and see where he was active during those days.
So now, as I think back to September 22, 2009, I also remember that that was the day God made a promise to us that he wouldn’t leave us alone or defenseless for even one minute throughout our ordeal, and he didn’t. Though he doesn’t usually remove a crisis immediately after it arrives, he does move himself tightly into it, providing supernatural strength and explaining powerful lessons about his sufficiency that always surround us when we’re experiencing trouble. He wants us to understand that every set-back is simply a set-up for his blessing.
So today, in remembering that sad September 22, God gave me a brand new equation to replace the old one:
September 22 + cancer = God’s presence with us!
“Let those on the hunt for you sing and celebrate. Let all who love your saving way say over and over, ‘God is mighty!’ ” (Psalm 70:4)
Margaret, Praying for you on this anniversary of Nate’s homegoing.
Margaret, Praying for you today . Thank the Lord His presence does go with us each day. I love your new equation.
Margaret. Praying for you on this annivesary of Nate’s Homegoing. How would we ever get through the storms of life without His presence with us everyday?
Didn’t mean for this message to be repeated. Messed up on posting the comment .
I will be praying for your today! I was so blessed by your radio broadcast on revive our hearts and am finding your book a great encouragement. May God bless for your faithfulness to him and to Nate. In Christ, Marilyn
Equations become beautiful, when God is in them! I am praying for you and your family.
Like you I have a ‘death sentence date’ that redefined my life. It was a child not my spouse but the date is seared forever in our brains and hearts. To keep the memory of a loved alive is a testimony to life’s value. As we have a place to share our stories we also have a place to give focus and glory back to the creator of life, God. The pain of these loses ebb and flow but with those pains are also the sweet rejoicing that we can share with others. Nate is totally healed! Nate is just doing great! Kara is totally healed. Kara is loving heaven.
I have learned through these painful experiences to keep very short lists of what hurts or angers me. I have learned to cherish the moments we have with those we care about, not pine over what could have or should have been. I have learned that each breath is truly a gift from God and one we should seek to use to encourage others to seek and to follow him. My heart tugs on September 13 the day of Kara’s death. It will tug again October 17, the date of her birth. Both of these dates give me cause to cherish all life.
You have not let Nate’s entry into heaven make you bitter or keep you from doing life and that is a gift to many who would desire to just ‘quit’. Your blog, your faithful commitment to God and to your family set an example for many who might choose to look at life’s heartaches and quit.
Well said!!!
You are all so right. We go through life with challenges, trials, and tribulations. Yes, you and I feel alone. The tears come from our sorrows ( mine death of my dad and an unwanted divorce) and then we feel a log touch. A warm and loving touch that let’s us all know we are not alone. God’s mercy and grace, the love and peace of Christ, the Holy Spirit our Helper , they are all with you and I. We all have our dates, and let us rejoice that we do not have to spend one of these alone. Praying for all of God’s children, for we all are in need. Amen.
I can so relate to all the above, and now, in retrospect, I find myself going through those dates, sometimes forgetting them altogether, until a day or week later, and thanking God for His mercy and grace in bringing me this far……..remembering HIM through it all, thankful for THIS day, THIS moment, moving on.
Not to say ‘we should forget’……all of these ‘crisis’ in our lives, are to make us more dependent on HIM.
Amen to all , for without Christ Jesus our Lord and Savior, it would not be finished, the battle would not of been won. And there would be no Amen.