When I was a child, goodbyes were important. Mom always made a big deal of saying goodbye to Dad as he headed out the door each morning, kissing and hugging him until he finally said, “Alright, that’s enough.”
After their children were grown and married visiting “back home,” Mom and Dad would stand in their driveway waving us off until we were out of sight.
As an elderly widow, Mom would come over for dinner, after which it was our turn to stand in the driveway waving to her until she was out of sight. She wanted us to see her wave back so always drove off with the inside car light on, still waving as she rounded the corner.
Nate and I said countless goodbyes to our seven children as they left home for college or mission trips or marriage, most farewells once again taking place in the driveway, waving until they were out of sight. Goodbyes are important because, as Mom used to say, “You never know if it might be your last.”
The hardest goodbyes take place in the moments when someone is dying. We’ve said this kind of farewell to Dad, then Mom, and three months ago, to Nate, each as they took their last breaths. These were the most difficult because unlike all the others, we knew it would be our last goodbye.
Tonight I had to say goodbye to Louisa and Birgitta. Their Florida visit had to end so they could return to their jobs in Chicago. Although they’re 19 and 21, seasoned travelers to whom we’ve often said goodbye, today it was tough. I felt weepy as I watched them walk through the airport automatic doors pulling their wheeled bags. I stood waving until they were out of sight, calling after them, “I love you!” as other travelers looked at us. All goodbyes are more potent since Nate died. Even saying goodbye to someone I will see in a week’s time is cause for tearing up. Mom’s words always ring in my ears: “You never know…”
The Bible is dotted with significant goodbyes, but the most difficult must have been when Jesus’ disciples separated from him during the events leading up to the crucifixion. Although John stood at the foot of the cross and participated as Jesus took his last breath, the others threw away their chances for loving farewells.
Later, after the resurrection and their bonus time with Jesus on earth, the disciples had to say goodbye all over again when he left for heaven. How difficult these partings must have been, letting go of the one they held most dear.
The more goodbyes I say, the stronger my longing for heaven. Once we’re there, no one will have to leave, and no goodbyes will be necessary. The hurt caused by being separated from a loved one will never occur again. And unlike the disciples, once we’ve met Jesus face to face, we’ll never have to say goodbye again.
”No one has ever gone to heaven and returned.” (John 3:13, TLB)
I agree with you that it’s hard to say good bye. I thoght the hardest day to say good bye on was when I left for my year in the states soon 3 years ago. Because it was a time of alot emotions and my parents and grandma were with me for this good bye. But then a year later another good bye had to be said to my host family in WI.. and I had never thoght it would be that hard. But that family had become a big part of my life and the kids I cared for.. so stil today I can think back to that day and wounder why I had to say good bye.. but you kever know as your mom used to say when the last is.
In my family we always used to wave until we were out of sight also — and that was after everybody hugged everyone else at least once. The last time I saw my mom was she was outside her house waving as we waved back and drove for Chicago . . . and I am SO thankful that we followed our tradition that day!!
Margaret,
This one put a lump in my throat- I can feel the angst in your heart and have felt it, too, in goodbye circumstances. You have had so much earthly loss. Your mother was an expert at goodbye and she passed it on well. I had done a study years ago on friendship, and your blog reminded me of one of it’s chapters, which was all about the importance of a good goodbye. Now that I write that sentence, and see the redundancy, what’s worse is a bad goodbye.
I never thought before about the disciples absence from the cross in the context of throwing away an opportunity for a loving farewell. Emotional goodbyes are actually pretty Biblical. I think of Acts 20:35-37, when the Ephesians said goodbye to Paul, knowing they would never see him again. You and your mom would have fit right in with that crowd as they began to weep loudly, embraced Paul and repeatedly kissed him. I remember your blog about wanting to make sure you gave Nate such a loving goodbye… and you did.
Okay here’s some food for theological banter. Your verse in John 3:13. What think you of Elijah and Moses, conversing with Jesus at the transfiguration? Here’s a wild one- how about those tombs that opened up after His resurrection in Matthew 27:52, 53? “Uncle Harry, we weren’t expecting you for dinner.” Where was Uncle Harry exactly prior to that? Lazarus for that matter? I don’t know, but one thing for sure, those situations hold the promise that what Jesus said was true- there is a resurrection, He and Uncle Harry being the first fruits, there will be a reunion, and it will always be one long hello.
Much love,
Terry
I so agree with you and your mom; my family was always like that, ‘huggers’ upon arriving and leaving. the last time I saw my mom alive, I had spent the day with her, bringing her most enjoyed foods for lunch; lying on the bed resting and reminiscing, laughing and reliving funny things over the years;l it was the best day I had with my mom (she was in first stages of Altzheimer’s) in literally months….and that day, unknowingly, I said my ‘goodby’….the next day was her …77th…birthday…and I found her lying back on her bed – arms in ‘fly’ position…she had gone home. she was ready, willing and obedient…I responded in a way I never thought possible…sat down beside her and said “thank you Jesus…I know she’s in the best of care, and where she wanted to be.” then I cried for awhile and called my cousin who lived nearby to find out what to do next. I still miss her today…that will be 20 yrs ago on Mar. 25th,2010. Even when I leave my family, whether by phone, email, or in person…I tell them “I love them”…as your mom said “you never know..”.
thanks,Margaret, for sharing your heart.
God bless, and you are loved,
patzian
Margaret,
Sometime during those years of family devotions as kids, the idea of separation not being a God thing or part of the original “Plan Eden”. Now who knows if these memories are in reality or fantasy of memories over 50 years old. But over the years it seems to have rung true. At least in many ways, it has the mark of the enemy. God hates divorce. The last enemy to be destroyed is death. Hell is the ultimate separation, the bottomless pit, total darkness, etc. Sometimes I am comforted by the knowledge God doesn’t seem to like saying goodbye any more than I do. Thus, maybe he experiencially knows my separation anxiety and grief better than anyone else. In John 14, a commentator has stated the disciples would have immediately understood the language as a Jewish wedding metaphor. The Groom is telling his bethrothed that he is leaveing for his father’s house. But as soon as their house is ready, He will return for his bride. She can console herself with the vision that her groom is hurrying as fast as possible and working hard to make the time pass so they can be together again. The separation is a big deal, but soon it will be passed.
Regards,
Fellows