One of my favorite family photos is this one of Klaus and Hans, our children #4 and #5. We were on a family trip to Florida in 1985 when these two little guys, ages 3 and 4, were demonstrating patience. They were waiting for the perfect wave to lift their mini- surfboards off the sand and take them on a smooth, danger-free ride atop the ocean. They’d done everything they knew to do and were waiting for the water to do what they could not.
It’s a perfect picture of faith. We wait; God acts.
Today is the 4th anniversary of Nate’s death. Although I don’t know if he’s marking time the way we are, sometimes I get impatient to find out. Whether he’s looking forward to our reunion or not, there are days I long for it with everything in me, just like the boys longed to ride an ocean wave. It’s not that I have a death wish; life holds many good reasons to go on living. I’d just like to be with him again.
My children don’t like it when I talk about joining their father, but my desire isn’t to leave them. It’s that we all leave. In other words, my longing is for Jesus to come and scoop us up for an exit from this world and an entrance into the next. And it’s difficult to be patient.
No matter how hard any of us wishes for that day, however, we can’t hurry it along any more than a gardener can force a seedling to sprout. These things are up to God.
Today a handful of my children and I talked about their father at lunchtime. Their spoken memories of him were like gifts to me, and we shared our feelings about this anniversary day. Talking about how difficult it was to be in Nate’s presence when he died didn’t make us regret being there. It was deeply meaningful to experience those holy moments as a family, expressing love to the one who was dying as well as to each other.
My Spurgeon daily devotional book has a simple note written on this day, November 3rd. It says, “Nate died today,” a bare-bones statement of fact. Maybe I should have written, “Nate went to heaven today,” or something more positive. But when he died, my heart was so swamped with loss, those were the only words I could come up with.
That November 3rd devotional happens to be about waiting for God’s timing. Spurgeon wrote, “We are in a hurry, but God’s time is the best time.” The last paragraph is a note to himself: ”Come, my soul, canst thou not wait for thy God? Rest in him, and be still in unutterable peacefulness.”
My little boys waited peacefully at the shoreline, hoping for the best, and since I can’t do anything to hasten my reunion with Nate, I can only do the same.
“Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act.” (Psalm 37:7)
Dearest Margaret…I was praying on this sad anniversary that God’s marvelous grace and peace would help and comfort you. The family picture is so beautiful, and is especially precious of you and Nate looking radiant and clinging to each other in the midst of his suffering, surrounded by your children and grandchildren. Thanks for sharing this day and for Spurgeon’s timely words. Trusting you often into God’s loving care with much love.
Dear Margaret thinking of you today on this anniversary date. I know how very hard it is. I am so very thankful for your insights and feel so blessed every day by your blog. God bless you today and every day that follows until God calls you home
I thought about you yesterday. Thanks for sharing the photos again.
Dear Margaret,
Over these last four years or so, your faithful words have often been a source of inspiration, joy – even mirth – and encouragement. I’m struck with how quickly time here passes, and, of that longing you speak of. Michael and I were at a men’s ski retreat last winter when I was surprised to hear another parishioner – roughly my age and station – ask if I looked forward to heaven. We agreed it is one of the deepest longings. And yet, holding both emotions simultaneously, I can hardly wait for this coming winter’s ski trip with Michael! In the meantime, we continue our education, learning that and how “God’s time is the best time.”
Thinking about you and family this weekend, Margaret, and time only exists on earth….so…God’s timing is always ‘perfect’, and it is so difficult for us to comprehend. However, I truly believe that Nate is well aware of his family here, and will be at the gates of heaven to welcome any who come. That thought, to me, is a comfort. His memory never leaves, only his body, and you long for his touch again, so ask the Lord to allow you that – here and now – He knows your heart, and will give you ‘the desires’ of it. Believe the incredible, receive the impossible, because with God….nothing…is impossible.!
Thinking of you and your loss on this anniversary day and pray that The Lord of Love fills you with Joy inexpressible. Your words of encouragement on this blog are a great help and hope for many – me included.
Thinking of you and loving you!!
Thinking of you, and your family, especially this month. Nate lives on, in and through your children, and their children. I see him, and I see you, in their posted photos!
Hard to believe that it has already been 4 yrs , since we became Widows.
When the reunion finally comes, this trial will be a vague memory– like those nine months of pregnancy seem to be when you finally hold your newborn in your arms. Keep fighting the good fight, Margaret; our delivery date is soon! (Luke 21:28)
Margaret, thank you for sharing your heart and sweet family photo. It is almost 2 1/2 yrs. since our Jim died, and it is still hard to grasp the reality of life without him. A close friend asked me if John was “over it yet?” How could that be?
Praise The Lord that we have a living hope in a Risen Savior. “There are many rooms in my Father’s home, and I am going to prepare a place for you. If this were not so, I would tell you plainly. When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am.” John 14:2,3
We too wait peacefully, yet expectantly to join Jesus, Nate and Jim! I can hardly wait -;)