I feel like I’m living in a crystal ball and have the ability to predict the future. That’s because I’m thinking about 5 years ago at this time and know what happened next.
On this date, October 20, Nate was two weeks from his death. We all knew the situation was severe, but none of us knew the end would come so soon.
I’ve been reading last year’s blogs, and today we were signing Hospice papers, including the most emotional one, a living will. Our children demonstrated great strength that day when I was feeling weak, stepping forward to sign as witnesses beneath their father’s signature on the document. Could there be any more difficult task in the life of a child?
But surprisingly, in examining the negatives of those days 5 years ago, several striking positives have emerged:
1. First of all, new waves of appreciation for Nate have washed over us. Once someone is gone, all petty grievances disappear. It’s easy to focus on the good, and all of us are wholeheartedly thankful for Nate, without the slightest reservation.
2. The second positive has been fresh gratitude toward God, who repeatedly pulled us out of a sea of sadness and set our feet on solid ground. When everything else was stormy, the Lord kept us calm, and that included Nate. God showed his involvement daily and kept every scriptural promise. He didn’t stop the cancer, but he held us close throughout the ordeal, and does so still.
3. A third positive is becoming aware of the progress over these 5 years. Today we’re all veterans of grief. It was hard work, lasted a long time, and involved plenty of tears. But each of us has increased in our understanding of what it’s like to mourn someone we love. We’ve also learned that the process includes times of well-being and peace, side-by-side with sorrow.
4. Because of our experience in losing Nate, all of us can commiserate with others who’ve lost someone special, which is positive number four. We can say, “I know how you feel” to a hurting friend and mean it.
5. Five years ago, our days were packed with problems, losses, and emergencies. We had no time to process what was happening or think too deeply about it. The demands of each day called for putting one foot in front of the other and getting through “just barely.” Now, because life has regained routine, we have the time to ponder, an important positive.
6. And one more: we have a stronger focus on eternity. Part of the October 20th blog 5 years ago was the detailing of a new strategy: we decided that day to start talking about heaven. I wrote, “The time has come to shine a spotlight on his brightest hope.”
It’s true none of us lives in a crystal ball, but because we know the Lord, we can accurately predict that our separation from Nate is only temporary. The future sees us together again in heaven, and focusing on that is positive indeed.
”I give [my sheep] eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.” (John 10:28)
As I read today’s post I resonate with you on so many levels. Our loss was a daughter, my life partner is still here. Our loss, as with yours, a hole remains in our lives. A hole because one we loved very much is no longer here. Your loss like ours pulled us closer to The Lord, to each other and it continues to make us acutely aware of how precious and how brief life can be. On the pages of a calendar only a month of both Kara’s graduation into heaven and the date of her entry here on earth happen. Two significant dates to me. My emotions run the entire spectrum of grief and contentment. But, each year that passes I am more aware and grateful that she is not here and she is delighting in The Lord. The fire we went through with her journey forever changed us. Hopefully it changed us to listen to The Lord as we walk with others who need to ‘know’ their pain. It sure has made us long for heaven. Thank you for sharing today. 🙂
Isaiah 43:2. The Message: ” When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire. you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
Having shared your grief and recovery, the first thing that came to my mind as I read your blog today is the song we’ve sung so many times……”cast your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace”…….it’s that glory and grace your family has been covered with, and you, Margaret, have been saturated…in HIS love, glory and grace.
We cannot share something we don’t have, or give something away that we do not own…..grief and recovery are two things that no one can truly understand….until they’ve been there.
God bless you as you take it – ‘one day at a time’.
Love you dearly.
Thank you for sharing your struggle with loss and grief. How reassuring to be able to share with your readers some of the positive outcomes that you are blessed with. You have been willing to stay in tune with the Lord, which I am sure has made a world of difference for you and your family. Sadly, some people cling to the loss/ sorrow and become bitter, isolated, and hopeless. I pray that through your book and blog many people will see a hard, but fruitful path through the sorrow. Thanks again, Margaret. Judi