All this week my thoughts have taken up residence down the street with my newly-widowed neighbor, Betty. She has begun her adjustment to life as a no-longer-married woman and realizes it’ll be a change unequalled by any other in her life.
Thankfully she knows many women who’ve already walked this route, myself included, and we are ready, willing, and able to hold her as close as needed.
As I’ve prayed for Betty, my mind has been flooded with examples from my early days of widowhood when God let me see him afresh. Though I ‘d loved him dearly before Nate died, I came to love him more personally afterwards.
In particular I remember a morning standing in front of my closet, trying to decide what to wear. Looking back and forth across the hanging clothes, I felt powerless to choose. I’d been bombarded with decisions for a couple of weeks, some small, some large, and hadn’t done very well in making any of them.
Friends and family had moved in to assist, but choosing an outfit that morning was all up to me. I felt sad and very much alone standing in front of my closet and asked myself if I should just go back to bed. I could keep my ‘jammies on and escape the clothing decision altogether.
Starting to weep, I knew the only thing to do was pray, and the only prayer that came to mind was, “Help me, God.” I’d prayed that prayer a thousand times in my few weeks as a widow, but never over choosing clothes.
Such a request seemed beneath God, but I had no other option. “Lord, what should I wear?” And then I just stood there, not expecting him to answer me.
Suddenly my eyes fell on a shirt I hadn’t “seen” in a while, and as I stared at it without moving, God put a thought into my head. “How about that one? It would go good with those pants over there, and why don’t you add that sweatshirt from the shelf above?”
Most people would laugh at this, since praying that way seems like a dumbing-down of our almighty God. But after a wife has leaned on a husband for decades, her first dilemma is wondering how she’ll stay standing without him. That’s the moment when God offers to be her supportive other-half. He is practical, knowing each need and delivering flawless advice to any widow who wants it.
That’s why, when I dressed in the clothes God chose for me that day, I knew no crisis would be too small for his involvement. And because he was willing to choose my clothes back then, I know he’ll answer Betty’s needs in the weeks and months ahead, no matter how large…. or small.
“The widow who is really in need…. continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help.” (1 Timothy 5:5)
Nothing is too small. I pray for parking spaces, what to wear, what to eat…. I think that’s what it means to pray without ceasing. Always be in a mindset of prayer. Our, my, constant need for Jesus keeps me ready to whisper His name, asking for help.
A couple months after my husband passed away (last sept.) while shopping I stumbled across your book Hope for an Aching Heart, and although scripture comforted me your book put into words what I was feeling. Thank you so much.
bennie
I’ve learned to talk out loud to God, especially early in the morning. This used to be the time my husband of 41 years and I would talk & drink coffee together. I quote out loud now that God promised He would be a husband to the widow. It’s been almost a year & a half since I lost my man. I miss him. His strength, his opinions, his intelligence in making wise decisions. Without him I am learning to lean on God for everything, what to wear, where to live–everything. It’s new for me even tho I’ve been a Christian for many years. God is sweeter to me now.
Margaret
I want you to know that a week or so after my husband of almost 38 years passed I went to the Christian bookstore. There was a widow that worked there that ended up helping me. I told her of my situation and she suggested your book Hope for an Aching Heart. She told me it was the only book that really helped her. I read your book every morning still after almost 2 years it has drawn me closer to God and my walk with Him and shown me I am not alone in all the many different stages you go through as a widow. I can’t thank you enough for sharing your stories of your walk down this pathway of grief and moving on with our lives with God at our side. I have been able to buy your book for other widows and recommend it to others. I know your words have helped heal and given comfort to many. You are truly a inspiring woman of God. Many thanks and God bless you!