March must be a good time to own a car wash in the Midwest. Unlike Hawaii, Florida, or other balmy climates, our cars get dirty fast. When it snows, road-salt coats everything with a cloudy film. When it rains, mud adds a new layer, and when the sun comes out, it bakes everything into a stubborn crust of filthy.

My favorite stay-in-the-car automatic wash is next to my grocery store, so I use it often during these messy months in Michigan. Recently, though, it refused to cooperate.

I entered the code numbers into the computer as always, and the automated voice instructed me to pull forward, as always. But when I got to the place where the light usually flashed “STOP,” it gave me a strange instruction instead: “BACK UP SLOWLY.”

Assuming I’d pulled in too far, I crept back to the starting line, thankful no one was waiting behind me. Pausing to give the wash-computer time to re-boot, I slowly began moving forward again. But when I got to the sign, it still said, “BACK UP SLOWLY.”

This time I backed all the way out to the machine where I had punched in the code, thinking I could simply re-enter the numbers. But when I got there, the voice was already talking. “Please wait. Car wash in use. Please wait. Car wash in use.”

I poked my code in anyway, but it didn’t change her message. Nevertheless, I’d paid for a wash and was determined to get one. Pulling forward a third time, I saw the same BACK UP instruction and decided to take a new approach.

Turning off the engine, I left my car and walked around to the busy gas station, where I got in line at the check-out. When it was my turn, the attendant surprised me by yelling at me. “What do you think you’re doing going back and forth, back and forth in my car wash? You’re going to break it!”

“It’s already broken,” I said, “but I didn’t do it.”

“You did!” he said, in front of three customers. “I saw you!” He pointed to one of 4 TV monitors at ceiling level, and sure enough, there was my parked car on the screen.

“But it told me to back up instead of stop, so I did.”

“See?” he said, feeling vindicated. “That’s when you broke it!”

I tried to defend myself, but he cut me off. “Get your car out of there!”

Jabbing his finger in the direction of the TV monitor, he repeated himself in a louder voice. “Get it out of there right now!”

“But I already paid for a wash!” I whined, trying not to look at the faces of disgruntled customers waiting their turns.

(…to be continued)

“All things should be done decently and in order.” 1 Corinthians 14:40