It was my privilege today to return to the hospital where Nate underwent 14 radiation treatments, Rush University Medical Center in downtown Chicago. He and I first met Dr. Abrams on September 22 last fall, the day we learned of Nate’s fatal cancer. Dr. Abrams was on the team of medical experts who’d analyzed the data before meeting us at that gathering of experts, and who’d participated in gently giving us the shocking news.
Although we saw many new faces that day and shook hands with seven doctors, Dr. Abrams stood out as warm, concerned, sympathetic. He was the one to whom we were being turned over, the one who had already mapped out Nate’s radiation strategy. And he was the one who looked us both in the eyes and realized we didn’t have a clue what was happening on that fateful day. He told me later he decided at the end of that first meeting to “adopt” us both, wanting to be our soft place to fall, and he made good on that private commitment throughout those horrendous six weeks. He’s still making good on it, proven today by his invitation to have another conversation with me.
Both Nate and I liked Dr. Abrams immediately. He knew his stuff, but beyond that, he cared about us, our whole family, not just his cancer patient. Today as we talked, he asked about our children, wanting to know how they were coping with the loss of their father. He asked about me, too, and what I was doing with my time. When I told him it seems to be getting more difficult to live without Nate, he nodded with understanding.
I thanked the doctor for putting me together with the Rush media department, from which came the opportunity to post Nate’s story on the hospital “In Person” web page. And when I asked if he’d be willing to contribute a post to www.GettingThroughThis.com, he didn’t hesitate. “Just give me an assignment,” he said, with a smile.
Dr. Abrams fascinates me. We are different at our centers, one an Orthodox Jew, the other a Christian. I respect him highly and am astounded by his compassionate doctoring. We also have much common ground, beginning with Nate, who is the reason for our meeting in the first place. And we both find deep satisfaction in the relationships of our large families. We also share an interest in talking about the dying part of life and spent some time today discussing the universality of mortality.
Today I had a chance to “meet” his family as he proudly showed me a succession of photos from when his children were little and he was a young man, through to each child’s wedding and now several grandchildren. And although he willingly adopted us/me six months ago, Dr. Abrams and I are not so much parent and child anymore but friends. I am indeed grateful.
“Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man.” (Psalm 112:4)
What a blessing to have such a considerate doctor to help you through this very difficult transition.
I wish I woulda met him when I drove w yaL to the radiation that time.
As I read today’s blog, it comes to my mind that I need to pray for Dr. Abrams.
I will start now. Thanks for posting that Scripture verse, Margaret.
Lord, it is You who made Dr. Abrams, an upright, gracious, compassionate and righteous man. Of all the doctors in all the hospitals, it was him You chose to intersect the lives of the Nyman’s, skilled and wise, and You put within him a particular soft spot for this family. Build the layers of friendship between Margaret and Dr. Abrams. Give them conversation that reveals so much common ground between their two faiths. Lay Your favor and goodness upon him and his family. May the morning star dawn within his heart.
For Margaret, as the passing of days increase the difficulties of life without Nate, go before her and make the rough places smooth. Lead her with Your staff and follow her with Your goodness and lovingkindness. Though many have gone this path, still it is uniquely hers alone, and it is Your voice she needs to hear to speak specifically to her pain. So when she calls to You, answer her and tell her great and mighty things which she did not know. Amen.”
Love,
Terry
My parents both work in the medical realm, and I know that it is rare to find a doctor like that. What a blessing.
This rings so true that God surprises us with who He sends as His messengers of real comfort and solid understanding. And that this doctor saw that “look” and acted upon it with fatherly concern. I am praying that as the months bring added grief, not less, and the days seem emptier, despite being full of all the frustrating things, that God, your Father becomes more dear to you, more near to you, as Nate seems farther and farther away. And when you can’t get your breath from the near-panic of grief, that Jesus, the Friend who sticks closer than a brother, will speak in unmistakable tones of gentleness and Margaret-ness. You are the Father’s gift to Jesus, His nearest and dearest and One and Only. He has you. And He won’t let go.
I love the prayers and comments above and especially what Tina said..so true!
My heart aches for you, but I know that I know, you ARE strong in the Lord and He..is strong in you….and as this first year unfolds…you WILL find new things to focus on and fill your hours.
May the JOY of the Lord fill you to full and brimming over.
Love ya,
patzian
Margaret, thank you for your honesty in sharing your thoughts and feelings, and the things God is teaching both you and us through these months. Your words mean very much to so many people. I know we are praying, each for the other.
I too am very thankful for Dr. Abrams.
the school leader out here is Jewish and we are learning a lot about Jewish traditions and even going to have a tracitional passover dinner on Tuesday night. i had no idea there was that much to it. i find i miss Papa more as time goes on too..