As our letters continued, I could read between the lines that Nate’s frustration over my non-commitment was mounting. But that, I decided, was not a reason to commit. And right then, out of nowhere, my old boyfriend called again.

He asked if he could come to see my apartment, which triggered the old familiar mental swirl. I knew I needed to end all contact with him since part of me was still attached, but the temptation was too great – and I invited him to come ahead.

In my next letter, my great respect for Nate persuaded me to tell him about what had happened. In a way I hoped he would provide some idea to help me sever all contact with this boyfriend, since apparently I couldn’t do it on my own. Though my mental fog was pretty thick, the one thing I did know was that I could lose Nate over my poor decisions to continue contact with a former flame.

I hoped Nate would respond to my honest confession with loving strength. The one positive result of more time with the boyfriend was that the Lord was steadily reinforcing that we were truly mismatched. But logic doesn’t always trump chemistry.

Mar. 2, 1969 – Dear Nate. (My old boyfriend) called me on Monday and then came for a visit yesterday. He wanted to see the apartment. We went downtown to hear a blues band on Rush St, and they were excellent. But we’re not attached to each other in any significant sense. Talking to him for all those hours last night turned out to be wonderful therapy for my feelings. I have no desire to be back with him. I think the Lord has changed my heart.

Mar. 4, 1969 – Dear Meg. You’re fabulous! Please come Friday! Oh, I’d love to see you, hug you, pray with you! I really believe in the efficacy of prayer, and I pray for us and others every day. I miss you very, very much! Honestly, I know I am in love with you.

Mar. 5, 1969 – Dear Meg. I’ll see you before you read this, and I await you anxiously. I want to be with you and really need you as a partner in my life. I’m glad you and (your old boyfriend) are still friends, and that you think you made the right decision. Whether this means you moving down here to teach, or getting married, or backing completely out of any commitment and breaking off from me, I don’t know. You’re completely free to decide and have all the time in the world you want. I love you. Love, Nate

Mar. 6, 1969 – Dear Nate. I’m very sorry about not writing to you sooner than I did, but I raced to the mailbox in late afternoon hoping my letter would arrive to you the next afternoon. So let’s blame the pony express for my seeming silence. I feel especially bad, since you are so faithful and consistent in your letters to me.

March 6, 1969 – Dear Nate. Sometimes I feel as if I’m not responding as I should to you and really and truly wonder how you could continue to love me… and I’m not fishing for compliments. But I tell myself, “Don’t force anything.” But you are a delight to communicate with. Or, I should say, our communication is delightful to me.

“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” (Romans 12:12)