My sister Mary and I were unified in heart and mind from the very beginning. She wasn’t that far ahead of me in age, only a tottering toddler when I came along. Mom referred to those days as “playing house with my two little girls,” and we were blessed to be dearly loved.
From the beginning, Mom promoted a partnership between Mary and I, reinforcing it by dressing us in matching outfits. We had identical pinafores, coats, shoes, and dresses. But whether or not it was Mom’s doing, our sister-bond began early and lasted 71 years.
This week, a year and 5 months after Mary died, I’m feeling extra sad without her. I’ve been trying to put fresh fabric covers on my 8 dining room chairs, doing battle with a hard-to-squeeze staple gun and its frequent malfunctions. The deeper struggle, however, has been missing my sister.
The last time these chairs were covered was 7 years ago, and the two of us did them together. As always, it was fun and efficient to work as a team.
Our day of wrestling with upholstery fabric was punctuated with laughter over mistakes, lots of re-do’s, and a few staple-wounds. But there was serious talk too, as we lunched over Campbell’s tomato soup.
By the end of that one day, we’d finished all 8 chairs. But the greater reward had been in getting to spend so many uninterrupted hours together. Doing the same job now hasn’t been satisfying at all, because of my strong longing to do it with Mary.
And that’s the most frustrating part of losing someone we love. The separation is complete and irrevocable. Though we know in our heads we can’t have even one extra minute with that person, we slip easily into fantasizing about how lovely it would be if we could. But reality always yanks us back and hits us with the words, “You can’t.”
I’ve had to work extra hard these last few days to listen to God’s advice about all this. And what he’s been whispering to me is, “I am your hope.”
He needed to tell me multiple times: “I will fill you with all kinds of joy as you look at Me. You’ll find yourself actually overflowing with hope, because of My Spirit’s power within you.” (Romans 15:13, loosely) After hearing it enough, I finally had to agree with him.
As I’ve been hammering staples that refused to go all the way in, I’ve been thinking more than ever about life after death and the hope I have of spending not just one extra minute with Mary (and others) but of sharing unending time.
And I’ve learned that the hope God offers really does push out sadness. It also gives birth to gratitude – for a sister and for the Lord.
“The eye of the Lord is on those who fear him, on those who hope in his steadfast love.” (Psalm 33:18)
I was so surprised to see your posting, I was just thinking of you the other day hoping you are well. Take care! Ruth
Dear Margaret,
My heart goes out to you. I have a sister who is 15 months older than me but we do spend time together. My sister lives in Illinois but she has inherited a home in Wisconsin near me. We grew up in a disfunctional family but somehow my sister and I were able to finish our schooling and make something of our lives. We married brothers also. I keep praying that one day my sister and my husband’s brother would understand the truths about Jesus and accept him into their lives. I came to know the Lord at the age of 21. I want you also to know that it was a pleasure to work with you on the nursery committee at Moody. I think I even worked with your sister for a little while too. Our prayers and thoughts are with you all. We still have all the pics you would send us at Christmas of your beautiful family. By the way, we are expecting our 10th grand child any time now.
Do take care and know that there are people praying for you. Dear Father please comfort Margaret at this time of missing her loved ones and keep her close to you. In Jesus name I pray amen. God bless. Hope to hear from you sometime soon.
Faith Janusz
My heart aches too as you miss sweet Mary today! What an amazing relationship you had from the start! May God give you His strength to finish well as you look ahead to seeing her once again! 😘
I sympathize with you greatly, Margaret. I have lost both of my sisters, both tragically, with no time to say good-bye. It’s a hole that can’t be filled except by God, who can help us focus on when we’ll see them again and be glad for the time we did have with them and the wonderful memories.
Wonderful to see your posts again! They’re always inspiring…
Margaret: such a beautiful essay. Thank you for sharing your heart with us, and helping each one of us find comfort and assurance. Just like your chairs, Mary (and Nate) have taken off the old and have put on the new, more glorious body – and one that won’t need redoing after a few millennia. We look forward with sure hope, and gratitude, to that Day. Much love.
Love reading about y’all and spending time remembering. She was the best. Loved her – and love you!
Beautiful!
This was so sweet and honest. What courage God is giving you to get through and inspire others. Just stopped to pray that God will comfort your heart. Love to you.
As Mary is becoming more and more interactive I think about how much mom would have just loved being with her. “The baby whisperer” we called her. I miss her daily. Love you Marni ❤️
Jo
I’m sad for you. What a dynamic duo the two of you were. On top of it it’s St. Patrick’s day and that Irish blood runs deep!
Oh, you finally are back!
I also ‘miss’ Mary – she seemed to be , like your lovely parents, a very special person, one would wish to have met. But like you said, one day, in His home we will all be properly introduced and perhaps put to work together and… no more separations!
I also missed your heartfelt writings, and I didn’t know how to let you know. But you are very much welcome back in my mail & heart!
From Ireland
Maria Gibbons
Hi Margaret,
So good to see a new post, but I am sorry for the difficult subject matter, though you still found a place for praise and trust at the end of your lament, like a good psalmist.
I only knew Mary through your posts- when I think of her I think of the sweet spirit of Betsy tenBoom from The Hiding Place. Mary was an incalculable treasure on earth for you.
May the Lord indeed fill that space with hope and purpose and joy.
Glad you’re back,
Terry