Today, September 22, is the 9th anniversary of the day Nate and I learned of his fatal cancer. He’d been bothered by severe back pain for 7 months and was scheduled for surgery when pre-op tests told a different story.
After that appointment at a Chicago hospital, we pointed our mini-van toward the peace and quiet of our Michigan home. As I drove, Nate used the time to call each of his 7 children to tell them personally what we’d just learned. As emotionally draining as that job was, he wanted each of them to hear it directly from him.
Normal life came to a screeching halt that day as we tried to absorb the shock. No one knew what was going to happen, but all agreed it couldn’t possibly be anything good.
* * * * * * * * * *
Recently I came across a paper with Nate’s handwriting on it, something I don’t often see these days. It was the first page in a blank book, dated 9/22/09. He had titled it, “Journal of Willard Nyman.” *
In less than 20 words his first entry summarized the dreadful truth:
The Dr told me I have [metastasizing] pancreatic cancer today. Thought it was back problem all the time.
In those words I could hear his grave disappointment but also a measure of acceptance. Though Nate had hoped to write down his thoughts as he journeyed through cancer, he never had the chance. The daily pace moved too fast for that. This first entry was his last.
Because September 22 has come around 9 times now, I find myself thinking back without tears. Though I miss Nate every hour of every day, God’s healing of my heart has taken away the pain of remembering.
Now when I go back to that time, I think of the many ways God was on the move. On September 22, when we’d all agreed nothing good could possibly happen after the diagnosis, we had been wrong.
God pulled our attention toward him on every one of those 42 days by causing unusual things to happen in and around us. He proved how very close he was and sustained us by sprinkling blessings over each day’s harsh circumstances. And God is willing to partner like that with every person through grievous situations. He sustains us, rescues us, and is so close he can even carry us.
The Lord said, “I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” (Isaiah 46:4b)
* Nate’s real name: Willard Nathan Nyman (Photo taken 8/22/09)
September is our month of remembering Kara too. Sometimes I think no one else cares since FB gives us a forum to do this. Then I realize again how precious each life is! Whether a baby or one who has lived a full life they need to be remembered and cherished! Thank you for sharing ! 💕
Thinking of you and loving you!
I am always amazed, though not surprised, to hear how much God has blessed other people through your sharing of your journey through Nate’s illness and passing!! Through your blog and your books, God continues to use that experience!
When the Father invited Nate Home, he gave us blessings as well. You have taken your pain and grief and turned it into consolation and caring for others, and that but deepened with Mary’s illness and move Home. It is good to remember these times, for in hindsight, we see the light that pierced the darkness and illuminated the Father’s great love for us. I am struck by the way the NLT states Romans 8:28: “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Thank you, Margaret, for allowing yourself to be a tool in the hands of a loving and giving Father.
Seeing your post today is an answer to prayer. We are just beginning the cancer battle with a state four metastatic diagnosis and I was thinking about your journey and wishing to see something again from you again. Blessings to you
Thank you for starting up the blog again, Margaret. You are an example of keeping your eyes focused on glorifying God, even through the painful difficulties of life.