Excerpt from THRIVE AND SURVIVE, ZERO TO FIVE

Children born into the same family have different physical appearances, so why isn’t it obvious that their insides are different too? The desire of mothers to lump them together stems from a need to simplify very active lives.

Logic says that what was good for the first should be good for the second. But as moms study their newborns, it isn’t long before differences emerge. The first baby might have been fussy, the second content. The first wakeful, the second sleepy. The first vocal, the next quiet. And suddenly the mothering job gets harder, because what worked for one fails to work for the other.

That’s the way it is when God is in charge. He’s full of ideas and never runs out of ways to make people unique. We believe He puts divine thought into the creation of each person, plucking some characteristics from parents, some from grandparents, and some from out of nowhere. As He puts people together, it’s probable He does so with great pleasure.

It makes sense, then, that He hopes mothers will hunt for—and appreciate—the differences in the children He sends. No one knows your child better than you do. And if you’re able to slow down long enough to study him carefully, you’ll understand why he responds to you and others as he does.

Once you learn who he is at his core, you can effectively train up your child in the way he should go (Proverbs 22:6). In other words, you can nudge him in the direction God has already programmed him to shine. As you put thought and energy into how to do this, the Lord will bless you with practical ideas, since He faithfully reinforces those who follow His lead.

If you try to squeeze your square peg into a round hole, you’ll find you have to work twice as hard on your kids than a mom who simply goes along with God’s natural giftings within the child. Most adults have experienced the rich satisfaction of using their natural abilities. Rather than a drain, it’s rewarding and often fun.

Forcing ourselves to do something that doesn’t come naturally is both exhausting and frustrating. Children will make strong progress when cheered in the right direction, and God gives moms the coveted position of providing the approval and applause our children need to learn and grow.

SIDEBAR: WORDS THAT AFFIRM YOUR CHILD

• You’re really good at that!
• I like what you made.
• You are very special to me.
• Let’s play together, whatever you choose.
• What careful work you do!
• You are a gift from God.
• Thank you for obeying quickly.
• You’ve been a big help to me today.
• I enjoy being with you.
• I love you!