Excerpt from THRIVE AND SURVIVE, ZERO TO FIVE

The uniqueness of children is one reason they fascinate us. Some are malleable, like peanut butter. Others are unbending, like peanut brittle. Such radical differences definitely make your job more difficult, and you long for even one way you can treat your children the same without doing damage to somebody. Is there such a thing? The answer is yes.

One thing all children need equally is a mommy who’s glad to be with them. During the early years, they can never get enough of you, and seeking your attention is their way of asking, “Do you still love me?”

They want to know, “Do you love me when I’m acting out? When I’m dirty? When I’m loud? Sick? Disobedient? Messy? Tired?” They’re also interested in the flip side: “Do you still love me when you’re tired? When you’re sick? When you’re working hard?” And they hope for a yes every time. Raising children presents never-ending challenges, but as you do this important work, always remember: peanut butter and peanut brittle both taste good.

SIDEBAR: WHAT NOT TO SAY TO YOUR CHILD

• Why can’t you be like your brother?
• You’re a bad girl.
• You don’t measure up.
• You’re too big to wet your pants.
• There’s nothing to be afraid of.
• Sometimes I don’t like you.
• You aren’t as valuable as your sister.
• I don’t know what to do with you.
• You do things wrong.
• Just wait till your daddy gets home.
• I knew you would make a big mess.
• You are hard to love.
• You’re a disappointment to me.
• I wish you’d never been born.