Nelson and Hans accompanied us today, a pleasant variation for Nate and me. The wet, stormy highways made me thankful I could ride rather than drive. After two hospital appointments, our plan was to drive the mile to Nate’s office to visit his many friends there.
My sister had arranged for a wheelchair, but once at the curb in front of his office, Nate gathered his strength and wanted to walk his once-daily routine. We slowly entered the lobby, passers-by unaware of the significant event unfolding.
Emotionally-charged hugging began before we even got to the elevators as the security guard rushed from her place behind the counter to throw her arms around Nate. She patted him as if they were the closest of pals, telling us how much she loved him. Nate seemed to love her right back.
Stepping off the elevator on the 13th floor, we walked through the thick glass doors with Nate’s name included on the list of lawyers there. What were his thoughts? Three weeks ago, when he left the office to meet me at the doctor’s appointment that fateful day, he never dreamed he wouldn’t work again.
One by one people emerged from their offices to shake Nate’s hand, most putting their arms around him at the same time. It was “old home week,” and I watched him take it all in. Several were holding back tears. One labeled it bittersweet. Everyone knew the painful truth.
The conference room barely held us all, every eye on Nate, but we quickly fell into an easy banter. If anyone was shocked at his having become a shadow of his former self, no one let it show. I looked around the room and thought of the great differences in the many personalities there, politically, religiously, culturally and in age. Somehow this group had managed to work side by side for 19 years in a happy crowd of humanity that appreciated each other for what they had in common.
In a tender gesture, many of them wore Christmas neckties and necklaces. Nate’s legendary collection of holiday ties had allowed him to wear a different one each day in December. He appreciated the joke and mustered a smile.
Later, standing behind his desk surveying the monumental work Rob and Tom had done in his badly cluttered office, he was quiet. Again I wished I could have read his mind. When we left, I believe he knew he’d never be back. He didn’t say anything negative, but surely he was struggling with the many losses… his office, his files, his clients, his co-workers, his career, his identity, his routine and even the security guard. Although he’s had losses of some sort every day, this day was overloaded with them.
Later, back at home, Nate ended his day with the comfort of a hot bath. But one more loss was added to the day’s total when he had a fall getting out of the tub. It took three people to get him up, but we were thankful a badly bruised knee was the only damage. All of us, Nate included, are wondering what tomorrow will bring… or what it will take away. I marvel at his stoicism and refusal to complain.
When Nate was finally settled into his hospital bed for the night, his face flush with the effort to get there, we read today’s comments on the blog, as well as many encouraging emails. Quite a few of the messages mentioned Nate being a testimony of God’s faithfulness. As we prayed together he said, “Oh Lord, I’m not worthy to be a testimony of you. Please make me worthy.” When I peeked at him, a single tear was running down his cheek.
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by name. You are Mine! When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you, for I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” (Isaiah 43:1a-3a)
Margaret and Nate-
I am in a bible study with Julia. She has shared your story and blog. As I have read I am amazed at your peace and your strength. God is shining thru both of you. You and your family are in my prayers. I pray that you can have as close to a “10” day as possible.
Carla Chastain- Rogers,AR
Dear Margaret and Nate. I vicariously walk with you through these days remembering so many of Bob’s ‘lasts.’ And still each new day brings courage for the moment. Each day will be littered with God’s surprises, big and small, blessings never before imagined, and emotions never before felt either in nature or intensity. Yes, you will find treasures on this valley journey you would never have discovered in any of life’s terrain before. You’ll know each other better and treasure characteristics in each other never before discovered. There will be moments, events, experiences that no one else can understand. You simply, like Mary in Scripture, ponder them in your heart. Yes, we know someday we will fully understand. And probably today is not that day. Yet the Psalmist tells us to rejoice and be glad in THIS day. We can and we do because that tiny spark of eternity in our earthly shells knows that today brings all of us one step closer to being in the presence of One so supernaturally loving, comforting, who completely knows, understands, and can make sense of each step of this journey. That reality makes today a day of rejoicing. Love and arms around you, Miriam Neff
I’ll never forget the many times I’ve encountered Nate on Maple St and he gave me his signature “pistol-grip” hello sign. It always made me smile. Likewise, his “penguin” ( a la Batman) laugh. It has been a blessing to know you all these past 20 years as neighbors. I love you all.
It was funny how Nate’s “Penquin” laugh was mentioned. He would tease me about something, and I would pretend to get angry, then he would laugh, and no matter how you felt, whenever he laughed, he made you laugh. He is and will always be my joy & treasure. I thank God for bringing him into my life. I only regret it couldn’t have been much longer. As always, Love you Nate.
Your family is what my childhood memories are made of. It makes me sad to read about Nate but also such wonderful memories return as well. The laugh, the russian words, the elvis music all bring me back to the good old days. I can’t hear an Elvis song without thinking of the drive up to Eagle River! Unfortunately we can’t remain in those times. Your family is amazing and has been a blessing to our family all these years. My love and prayers are with you always. Your blog is so well written and so inspirational. With Love, Nancy
Oh, Margaret, What an amazing “Come As You Are ” party Jesus is preparing for Nate. And what an uncomparable guest list! The joy in welcoming him will reverberate throughout the heavens. Going before you, Nate will participate in the preparations for your arrival, continuting to provide for you. Hebrews 11:39 comes to mind…These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. God had planned somethng better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.
Your struggle calls me to a new awareness of my walk with Erv. Blessings to each of you.
And who of us is “worthy” to be included in our Father’s amazing eternal plan. But He sees us in His Beloved Son and so we ARE worthy in Him. You are all in my prayers through the day and the night. I think so often of the hymn “It will be worth it all when we see Jesus. Life’s trials will seem so small when we see Christ. One glimpse of His dear face, all sorrows will erase, so gladly run the race til we see Christ.”
Nate: we are already made worthy through the blood of Jesus – you are already seated in the heavenlies with him, as Paul told us in Ephesians. The amazing fact of salvation and sanctification is that we are viewed as “already there” even as God is perfecting us through the Spirit’s work in our (physical) lives!!! What a wonderful Savior!! What a wonderful God!! It is a glorious mystery, a joyous conundrum!! It is worth it all.
Nate and Margaret,
We love you and we’re thinking of you and praying for you pretty much non-stop. Nate, you are “Outstanding!”
Jane and Bob
Nate..you have no idea what a testimony you and Margaret already are…through this whole process. Margaret, you have such eloquence in relating each day’s events…inspirational! May the peace of God in His infinite Grace and mercy abound more and more and ..rest..in HIM.
I know what you two are going though and may the Lord’s peace be with you. Love Lorraine
We don’t always have the opportunity to express how much people mean to us before we’ve seen them for the last time. Your trip to the office was a gift to everyone there.
Nate, my favorite memory of you is seeing you stand in the back of 4th/5th grade Sunday School class during the opening, waiting to teach your class. Often you were standing with Larry and I would need to interupt the two of you to give Larry a message. I remember being thankful for you, as well as for Larry. There you were, two professionals, serving your Lord and Savior by teaching group of, sometimes rambunctious, children from church families. Seeing your faithfulness, and watching your light shine, caused me to glorify God in my heart, (Matt. 5:16). Your service encouraged me as served in various areas.
Margaret you have impacted my life in much the same way, as I have observed you serve with equal humility and joy, whether rocking a baby in the nursery or delivering well prepared messages to the junior highers in BIC.
You have both been godly role models for me to follow. It has been your faithfulness to persevere in the little things,(regardless of what you were going through) that has encouraged me the most. Your trust in God when life was messy and things were tough, encouraged me to “press on”. Thank you for being authentic and tranparent, now more than ever. Your lives have a greater impact than you know. To God be the glory.
Nate & Margaret, you two are letting your light shine in a miraculous way as you walk through this deep valley. God is truly being glorified in your lives. I can’t imagine any time that your gift of writing, Margaret, could bless and encourage so many people as you honor the Lord by sharing His faithfulness to you under these circumstances. I’m proud to be related to you! Love, Glo
Margaret, I consider myself “a writer”. I am one of a zillion people who think they are. You are so unique in that you have a natural gift and are well trained as a writer. You are blessing us all right now with your gift. Your words need to see the light of day. My friend Joanne, whose husband was the author of many books, (and as you know died of pancreatic cancer) said of her husband, “Bob cannot not write”. That is you. Your gift cannot be silenced. Please keep giving us your gift.
Oh this one was hard to read yet I wanted it to keep on going as it was so powerful. You are telling us about your community so far yet there is a whole other huge one gathered around this blog as well. Your influence is rippling round the world. Tish
I fight back the tears as I read each blog, but tonight I could not. Oh, Margaret, you and Nate are being so brave. How generous of him to use his strength to go to the office so his colleagues could bid him farewell, or perhaps so he could bid them farewell–a gift they will always cherish. Nate is accepting his losses with such grace and courage. How beautiful to read of the tender, precious moments you have together and of your anguished thoughts and Nate’s profound words. You both are on my mind constantly and I breathe words of intercession for you throughout the day. “You are the high and lofty One who inhabits eternity, whose name is holy. You live in a high and holy place. But also with him who is contrite and lowly in spirit…” (Isaiah 57:15) Yes, Nate, you are worthy to be a testimony for your Lord and Savior. We’re proud of you and love you dearly, Rebecca & Erwin
It’s good thing Micah’s sleeping and Sky’s busy with Max and Ruby. I can’t help by cry when I read this one. It’s still surprising to me how quickly it all happened. He was going to work every day and then just three weeks later he was saying goodbye. It’s still strange to think he’ll never walk through the door at 103, home at 6:50 and happy to see you cooking dinner for him. Sometimes our new family–with just you as the parent, based in Michigan–feels almost temporary, like pretty soon things will go back to how they were. Strange to think that’s not the case. I love the part of the heaven book where he talks about God renewing the earth and the possibility that someday we’ll stand in the very same places we lived during our “regular” lives, only we’ll be in our glorified bodies and all of creation will be made new. It’s a comforting idea. Love you and miss you.