The last month has seemed like a year and also like a week, all at the same time. A month ago, for the first time, I heard the word Cancer used by a doctor talking about the condition of my body, Stage 4 Lung Cancer. At first it felt like something that would only happen to someone else. Then I realized I had no comprehension of what I’d just been told.
One dominating thing for me throughout the month since then has been PAIN. It’s been nearly more than I could bear, and no meds could get on top of it. When you hit your hand with a hammer and the pain shoots into you, no encouraging word will help at that moment. And up until recently, I’ve had pain that’s been much like that.
It has included an intense and painful cough with severe pain in the bones around my whole rib cage, along with ongoing constipation, nausea, and vomiting. Constant shortness of breath was and is the norm for me. I still get completely out of breath after the slightest exertion.
It took almost an entire week at the hospital with nonstop appointments and continual visits from nurses and doctors to stabilize the medications and their side effects. They needed to get ahead of my pain and then create a treatment program to get me to where I am today. Only since I came home from the hospital two days ago could I stop to take stock of what’s really going on.
Being told that you have “Stage 4 Lung Cancer” is a foreboding diagnosis. It sounds more like a death sentence. And tonight I sit here trying to think it through.
I wonder why having a son and getting a cancer diagnosis happened at the exact same time. After having wished and hoped and prayed for a baby, I wonder why God would do that if I wouldn’t be here to raise him anyway. Will I be alive in a year? In five? How much pain will there be before it’s over? How long will it be before I no longer have to sleep sitting up? Will I ever be able to swim a mile in the open ocean again?
I know none of us can answer these questions, and the Scriptures tell us not to obsess over the future, so living for today is my plan. That’s what I’m determined to do. And it has proven to be a massive challenge and has shaken my whole thought process—as I’m sure it would many of yours.
I want to thank all of you for the love and support you’ve shown us during this month by showering us with gifts, helpful Scriptures, relevant sermons, cards, emails, texts, just all of it. Thanks you. It means so much to us.
Praying for you, kiddo
Thank you Nelson for your blog. It is not easy to hear those words of cancer. Our son Tim had testicular cancer about 8 years ago and they caught it in time because he sensed some pain. He said he felt like everything was closing in on him too and did not know how to think about things. I worked with your mother at Moody church on the nursery committee. I was the secretary and our kids grew up with you guys in the nursery. I have pics of you in an album with your entire family and every Christmas when your mom would send pics our kids would get super excited. We only have 3 grown children and 10 grand children but your mom had 7 of you and our kids were always interested in how you all have grown. Our prayers and thoughts are with you all. We serve a risen and living God who hears us all. God bless you all
Faith & Wally Janusz
Hey Nelson~I count it a privilege to be one of many standing in the gap on your behalf and lifting you and your family up in prayer. I cry out for healing, for relief from the relentless pain and discomfort and for the weighted blanket of God’s peace that holds you tight day to day and moment by moment. Sending love and hugs your way! Nancy Ytterberg
Another Bethany Beach crew member is holding you up in prayer daily. I pray for you as well as for all those who are surrounding you in such a tangible way. Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow.
My prayers continue for you, your family, and the medical team ministering to you. God loves you.
Thank you for writing such an honest message; asking questions we all asked on your behalf. Praying for moment by moment guidance and strength from The Holy Spirit , and complete healing from our Father.
Sincerely, Tammy Pauly
I pray that you be comforted by the Comforter who able to sustain you at this. May the prayers of saints give you encouragement and strength. I am a friend of your mom’s from her Moody days. There are many who are lifting you up before the Lord. It is at these times of crisis that we rely on Jesus more.
Thank you, dear Nelson, for sharing from your heart all you’ve been through! You are a brave soul, just like your mother and father!! We knew them at Moody Church in the early 70’s and you and our eldest daughter, Jeannine were nursery friends!! You are the answers to our prayers as asked the Lord for a child!!
We’re keeping you in our prayers and trusting God to continue giving you His peace that passes all understanding and guiding and directing you, one day at a time. May you experience His closeness “The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit”. With our love you and all your family, Doris and Luis Bush
Nelson, I praise God for you, and how you are handling this whole situation, with honesty and trust in our Lord. I pray for you daily. May you experience God’s richest blessings, even in these most difficult of times.
Susan Eriksson
Nelson, I’ve been praying for you and your family as soon as I heard you weren’t feeling well. I’m so thankful that you are able to be at Mayo Clinic and that they are caring for you well. I will keep on praying for you all!
– Cathy Richardson
Dear Nelson – I understand the effect of words on your emotional state. I am on dialysis because my kidneys aren’t doing their job on their own. When you go on dialysis it’s because you are in ESRD – End Stage Renal Disease. That ‘End Stage’ phrase really gets to me. I have reached the bottom and a transplant is probably not in my future due to my age, general health, etc. Most of the time I try to walk around as if I can control the issue – and to a certain extent, I can. However, the truth is that apart from the grace of God, this will eventually lead to my death. Knowing that God is fully in control is my hope and comfort. Praying for you and your sweet family.
Hi Nelson, this is Johannes from Germany. I was part of the Kokua Crew in spring 2017 and you were my leader. It’s been a long time, you won’t remember but yesterday I saw a post on Instagram about your current situation with the link to this blog. I want to write to you, I stand with you in prayer. As do I many Kokua Crew people around the world. I pray for you and your situation. You shall live, in Jesus Name!