Ann Sophie, Will, and Astrid came back from Germany last night and I’m so glad they’re here again. They attended a memorial service for Annso’s grandmother who passed away last week among other things. I’m reminded that I also almost passed away earlier this year.

But at 49 years old, I thought I had lots more time. It turns out I might have been right at the end without even knowing it. 

Was I ready if the end did come? I’d like to think so. 

For now, I’m taking chemo meds every morning and every night doing whatever I can to stick around as long as I possibly can and the results are looking good. I have more to live for than ever before! 

On a different note, I got a follow-up call yesterday from a guy at the US Social Security office who wanted to work on finishing up my application for a disability benefit.

When he asked about my disability and heard me say “stage 4 lung Cancer”, he told me I would definitely qualify and that the payout would be labelled a ‘compassion benefit’. It would also carry on for Annso and Will in my absence. He didn’t come right out and say it, but thankfully, the benefit would continue even if I did not. 

What a wonderful thing, and for it, I’m very thankful, but it’s also sobering in another sense when statistically the world sees you as a man who will not be alive 5 years from now. Think about it. How would you feel if you knew that you would be gone within the next 5 years?

Then later the same day, Mom and I went to a check-up at the Mayo Clinic. My Mom is the queen of questions and she kept on firing away at the doc. One thing she asked was, “If the chemo meds have worked this good so far, can we expect them to keep working this way until the cancer is eventually totally gone?” 

We got more sobering news.

The doc said in her experience, there will be a plaining off then sometimes a turn before the cancer starts to grow again. But, at that point, we will come up with another plan.

“Wait a second, what?”

The effect this info had on me were strong reminders that I’m not out of the woods at all, that this kind of cancer is resilient and resistant to even the best treatment… and that most of the time, the medical community encounters some road blocks to a smooth, speedy recovery… even with a genetic match and some of the most advanced chemo treatment available.

Apparently, the ‘Match’ they found for me is not guaranteed to be the Silver Bullet I was hoping it would be. hmmm. 

Once Mom and I were in the elevator talking about the meeting, I shared how I felt. “Twice today, I was basically told by professionals that I won’t be around long.”

Without skipping a beat, Mom said quickly, “But they’re leaving out the God-Factor!” 

Yes! The God-factor! Of course, how could I forget that?

With only science and medicine, we can go part of the way, but it’s faith in the Creator of all life that finally brings the ship ashore. Common sense and reason only take me part of the way.

It’s faith that brings me home!