Nelson’s Journal, 7/30/22

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Nelson is weary—not just physically, although that’s true, but weary of all the troubles cancer has brought. He’s dispirited and discouraged, looking to God for a new burst of strength and the courage to be able to keep going.

                                                    >>>>>>>>>>

July 30, 2022

Today is day 2 of the targeted chemotherapy. No side effects I can see. I feel tired like always and generally pretty run down, but that’s nothing new.

I’m thankful for everything God gives me, but this week I had a bit of a breakdown. I just felt tired of being sick, tired of panic attacks every day, tired of pills, of not sleeping good, of sleeping in a chair, of not having anything normal anymore. Tired of all of it.

 

I went and bought myself a smoothie at the cafeteria at Mayo, and sat there and drank it, wondering why God is allowing this to happen, and what the end game will be.

 

How long will this go on for? Did all this happen just so I can die in the end? I wonder that sometimes. It could go any way. We could get a house and live happily ever after, or I might die and Annso end up going back to Germany with Will.

I hope we get the first option, but you never know. Job, said, “Though he slay me, yet will I serve him.” Lord, I pray you would give more strength and courage. I pray for stamina now. I need it and so does Annso. You have laid this heavy burden on us for some reason. Even now as Astrid cooks a yummy steak lunch for us, my stomach turns with intense nausea for no good reason.

                                                    >>>>>>>>>>

 “The Lord your God is in your midst.” (Zephaniah 3:17)

2 thoughts on “Nelson’s Journal, 7/30/22”

  2. My heart aches for the family- and I can relate to the questions we have for God for which there are no immediate answers. I ‘like’ having you post these missives as to how Nelson was dealing with it all— and of course we all know the outcome. What I wish could happen, periodically— is a real-time update on how the family is doing/coping/etc. I wonder- did Annso indeed go back to Germany with your grandchild, Wil? How are YOU coping, Margaret— after surviving (well) the death of your husband- and now having to grieve over Nelson. You’re on my mind ALOT