Nelson is frustrated with his limitations and decides that his cancer must be some kind of test from God. If it is, he decides he wants to pass it.

                                 >>>>>>>>>>

July 31, 2022

It’s day 3 of the new drug.

Astrid has suggested a picnic, so we’ll most likely do that. But I only want to go on a picnic if Annso wants it. She is a wonderful, amazing person and deserves to get something nice. But the idea of packing up a bunch of supplies and driving out to sit in a field and eat them is not something I have the energy to do.

Astrid does a lot for us, coming here [from Germany] and taking care of the baby boy so we can go look at houses and other things, and so I can fight cancer, which is like my full time job these days.

The swelling in my legs and left arm are terrible, worse than ever. I worry about it, and the remedies of elevating it and eating protein don’t seem to have any effect whatsoever. They say to do it for 2-3 weeks, but we have been doing that, and the legs are the same still, even after lots of that stuff [protein powder].

The docs don’t seem to care much about it, but everyone else reminds me about it all the time—to sit down and elevate my legs. My attitude is tired. People affirm my stamina, but it’s running out a bit. I don’t have the patience I used to. But maybe this is the time when it’s key to kick it into high gear. I don’t know.

Lord, I pray for the strength to lean on you instead of on getting well or on a remedy or anything else. Even if my wrist and legs swell up like the Good Year Blimp and explode open all over the place, I will praise you. Even if they never go down and people ask me about it every day. “What’s wrong with your arm? What’s wrong with your legs?” I will press on and not worry. I’ll just think, “God will save me or he won’t, but I will praise him.”

The test seems to be whether or not I will praise him, not what actually happens. Is that the way to pass this test, Lord? We read Job right this minute, and I have the chance to apply it to my life right now, today.

Simple, but hard.

There is freedom in that thinking it seems, to connect to something outside this space and time and cling to you, Lord. If I am connected to the circumstances, I will crumble if I stay sick or if my circumstances get worse instead of better. But if I cling to you, Lord, then I can rise above them, no matter what happens.

                                                          >>>>>>>>>>

“Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life…” (James 1:12)