Nelson’s Journal, 9/6/22

Today Nelson is thinking about his sobriety anniversary as well as all the good things that have happened as a result of not drinking anymore. He’s also wondering about people who seem to “walk on the wild side” without consequences.

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September 6, 2022

I’m still thinking about 16 years of sobriety today. I’m glad I’m not going back to do that again. Such a hard time, and it lasted for years. Lots of good, though, came out of it. I can count lots of things that never would have happened if I had carried on with it.

Even just the other day, Lars [brother] was trying to make a case for us moving to Michigan, and one of his reasons was family support. “You don’t know anyone up in Rochester.” Good point.

But the one thing he left out was our church. We moved to Rochester, found a “home church,” and Annso and I know people who already have offered to help us in lots of ways.

That’s one thing that happened almost instantly when I quit drinking. I joined AA and started going to BBC [Brentwood Baptist Church, in TN]. Both places proved to be bases for support that continue to produce friendships and help even now, all these years later.

Without sobriety, I would never have met Jeremy, Bill, Sunny, or countless others we know from BBC. When you drink, you isolate and don’t really meet people, at least I didn’t. I got back into YWAM in 2010, four years sober, which wouldn’t have happened while drinking. Those 2 things can’t coexist really.

So many things happened in YWAM between 2010-2022. I went around the world twice, went through the Bible 5 times in Montana, landed back in Kona for 7 years leading Kokua Crew and other stuff, pastored a little church, and met Annso, who changed my life forever.

We had Will just this year [now 5 months old], and without sobriety, probably most of those things would never have happened. I’m so grateful for everything.

Not that life gets easier.

Here I am, and I sometimes struggle with envying people who have seemingly consequence-free lives, partying, having a good time, and carrying on with the old ways. And I have stage 4 lung cancer. It’s tempting to think, why doesn’t anything happen to them?

The reality is that I’ve gotten way more than I’ve ever lost for being obedient to God. Once in a while I can think that God is paying me back for the sins of the old days. It seems possible from verses like this. “Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you, Lord, are good.” (Psalm 25:7) Interesting prayer.

God could apparently remember and judge a man for the sins of his youth. Lord, I also pray then, that you wouldn’t remember the sins of my youth but will forgive me according to your love. I pray you would heal this cancer instead of letting it kill me. I know lots of people who say this sickness will not end in death, and for that I’m so grateful.

Ralph just walked in. The in-laws are with us for the moment. I know there will be a big void once they leave, but we have a while left until that happens. They are the nicest people ever. Our two families are nothing like each other, and it’s weird to try and merge them together. It reveals things about our families.

I see how different Will would turn out if he’s brought up here in Michigan vs. Rochester. I don’t really know what to do about that.

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Lord, I pray you would help us when buying this house, not to overlook anything in the way of taxes or other legalities. I pray for the ability to rely on you, Lord, to increase, and not to rely on cutting corners, but at the same time, if you give us a gift, to accept it without reservation and to enjoy what you give.

I am grateful for the miracle and the generosity of people we know and how great it is to have a down payment for this house. It seems like it will almost certainly go through. I pray for Susan’s heart and that you would help her to sign the new lease I dropped off. I pray for a quick, smooth closing with minimal surprises.

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“God’s love has been poured into our hearts.” (Romans 5:5)

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