I’ve not read ahead in Nelson’s electronic journal but am taking them one at a time. Because of that, I’m never sure where Nelson’s thoughts will go. Many have asked why Ann Sophie and I are posting these entries. The answer is that both of us have learned much from Nelson and have been encouraged by the way he handled this painful crisis. We’ve been lifted by Nelson’s stalwart faith and are hoping the same for you readers. We all have to fight battles in this world, and it could be that Nelson’s example can give us all the fortitude we need to press on while tightly holding onto God.

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September 10, 2022

Thank you for our marriage and for little Will and how he is and for his life and that we were able to have him. I pray for the ability to have at least 1 more to play and live with him, and for me to get the life to live with them.

So far, it seems dark and scary, but we are all alive and doing lots of things. We are living life to the full. “…in the fullness of life with everything at stake…” was the statement Dietrich Bonhoeffer made about how he thinks the Christian is supposed to live.

That’s the way I want to live and the way I want to die. They can put that on my headstone. ”He lived the same way he died, in the fullness of life with everything at stake.”

Lord, I thank you for the personality you gave me, to take risks, to get out there, to travel, to marry, to have children, to be a Christian, to live on donated support, to take risks like buying this house, even though we are going through this cancer ordeal at the same time.

I want my life to be about others and living for them. I pray for the strength to live, so I can take care of this family you gave me, Lord. You answered that prayer, now please answer this one for more time. Give me more time for others, for Annso, for Will, and for our other unborn children. I pray for at least 20 more years.

We are acting as if we will live for a long time, and that’s what I am believing you for. “To you, Lord, I called; to the Lord I cried for mercy: What is gained if I am silenced, if I go down to the pit? Will the dust praise you? Will it proclaim your faithfulness? Hear, Lord, and be merciful to me; Lord, be my help.” (Psalm 30:8-10)

That’s a good way to put my prayer into words, praying the scripture back to God. You, Lord, can do it, and if your word is true and you are real, you might do it for me. I pray that you will.

The writer makes a good point here. What good am I if I die? Even if I got to heaven to be with you and others who went before, which is what we hope to be true, what’s the difference of a few more years down here if heaven lasts forever? Please give me more time. Amen.                                          

Later, 3 pm

Annso lies beside me reading, Will naps, I napped before a monster lunch with Ralph and Astrid, so I’m not tired. I get really bloated and full and can hardly breath, but I still eat a lot.

When I was sleeping or maybe just after, I had a thought about the people I meet. I talked with Karl [cousin] a long time about almost dying when I was in Michigan. He asked me how I felt at that point, and I was honest. I said, “I was scared to death.”

I met Tom yesterday and the maintenance man here at Heritage Manor apartments. After each interaction, I felt like I could have shared the gospel in some way, but for me, I am a Christian in the mornings when I have the word, but at other times I don’t feel I should be saved at all.

Is there anyone out there who is really secure in his faith concerning death when it’s right in front of you? Or are all people scared? I don’t want to die at all.

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“Whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s.” (Romans 14:8)