Nelson still has bouts of anxiety, partly caused by labored breathing and partly by the unknown weeks and months ahead. But focusing on Scripture and God’s ability to do the impossible lifts his spirits.
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September 12, 2022
I spoke with Casey [Nelson’s friend from childhood] on the phone yesterday for almost 2 hours. It’s a call I had been putting off for a while, and I told him why, when we talked: Giving the rundown of the whole cancer story front-to-back is tiring for me, so I had put it off. He understood.
He understood my condition, and my being super tired lots of the time, and phone calls are tiring, etc. It was the right thing to do. It got my eyes off myself for that time. I was struggling with anxiety as I’m trying to wean off the slow release morphine. I didn’t know it would keep me up at night, but it does.
There is also this slow burn of stress that comes in the afternoon, which I think also comes from the change. I have the “break-through” pills, and the doc told me if I take one of those and the problem goes away, then I know that’s what it was.
After I was awake from 9:45 pm-11:45 pm, I took one and fell right to sleep. I guess these things take time. I am thankful for the process of this whole thing, even though it’s at the top of the threshold of what I can take. We grow in the wilderness.
The sermon yesterday was about wilderness from Mark 1. Jesus was driven by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. Jesus was driven, but he was led by the driving force. The preacher said something like that but I can’t remember exactly how it went.
Annso and I were driven to Rochester, our place of wilderness, to go through this ordeal. We can let it lead us. There are parameters we have no choice about. If we had stayed in Hawaii, I would probably have died at the end of May or a little after. That Sepsis infection I had would have been too much for the Hawaii hospital. I have no doubt about that. The Mayo Clinic could barely handle it.
Annso and I talk about lots of stuff, like her working here at the Mayo Clinic, but, Lord, I want to ask you about these things. She would probably enjoy it, it’s a killer opportunity, though it would be probably hard to get [in occupational therapy]. I put it before you, Lord. I want your highest. Even our house and that process. We still don’t have it, and I realize you might not let that happen.
I don’t feel we’ve lied or anything on the application, but it might not be the best thing for us, even though we are excited about it happening. It seems right, but only you know. I want the best from you, Lord, even if that means waiting.
You got me out of debt when I got back into YWAM in 2010, despite the odds. You caused Annso to come back to Hawaii, so we could meet and be together and get married. You moved us out of Hawaii suddenly and into this wilderness.
In Mark it says, “Immediately the Spirit drove Jesus…” Feels like what happened to us. Now it feels like we’ve been here for a long time. Our apartment lease is almost up, and we told them we are leaving. I pray for your guidance, Lord.
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The Lord said, “I will make a way in the wilderness…” (Isaiah 43:19)