This entry is difficult to post, and you’ll see why. But skipping it would be dishonest. Our desire is to learn from Nelson’s thoughts about how to go through one of life’s crucibles while remaining true to our Lord. His writing today is thought provoking.
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October 31, 2022
It’s hard to believe how long a night can seem. Last night, I came out to sleep on the floor by the fish tank to get a change of scenery, and Annso joined me. After that, it was like a camping trip.
We were up talking, doing all sorts of stuff besides actually sleeping. And that lasted until about 3:30 am, until we moved back into the bedroom. And I lasted in there with intense sweating until a few minutes ago.
I just took my chemo pill at 6 am. Then the baby boy woke up at 7 am. Annso just told me it was the first time she saw him since 11 pm, which is tremendous.
That’s solid, all the way through the night. Pretty amazing and really nice. At least someone is sleeping through the night. I wonder if that’s the reason, if those pills are the reason I am up and have sweats all night long. Then it’s fine. As long as the results are what they have been so far, I’ll deal with it.
Dr. Mansfield keeps his eye on the ball really well and always on killing the cancer instead of being too much about treatment of the side effects. I’m thankful for that.
I have to tell myself that eventually I will be cancer-free! I really do believe there will be a day when I can say that. I think based on the prayer and things we’ve received so far, it’s more of “…this sickness will not end in death.” But it will be for God’s glory.
Here’s the set of verses that scared me to death like a warning from God straight to me while I was still drinking and walking in rebellion against God all those years. I’m so thankful he brought me out of that horrible season:
“It would have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than to have known it and then to turn their backs on the sacred command that was passed on to them. Of them the proverbs are true: ‘A dog returns to its vomit,’ and, ‘A sow that is washed returns to her wallowing in the mud.’ ”(2 Peter 2:21-22)
There were fun moments, but at the end, especially, the fun parts were few and far between. Now even my worst day here is better than my best day there. Of course when you add on the cancer, then everything changes.
The days now are plenty hard, but I’m thankful for the possibility of having them get easier. One way of dealing with the cancer, if you’re trying to answer the “Why me?” question, is to assume that God picked us because he knows we can handle it, and we are being tested and have a witness on others.
These are some of the craziest, hardest, and sometimes even the best days of my life. Things are happening that wouldn’t be possible any other way. Just like Papa said to me about his cancer, “If it just wasn’t for the cancer…”
He said that as he paced the living room at their house in Shorewood. The news was sinking in. Basically he was told he had just days to live, so I have way more than that, because they caught it in time and because I’m at the Mayo clinic. I might not be here otherwise.
I go to the ER about once a month for problems and have tons of chemo side effects pretty much all the time. Fevers, extreme fatigue, nausea, among other things, but the house came through, we have an amazing church, and God shows us his love through those people all the time.
Ralph and Astrid are waiting on us hand and foot. Their life path has changed because ours has. They are probably going to move here at some point next fall and become Americans like Annso will. She is actually becoming a citizen.
Who would have thought any of that would happen? We are raising our little family in the northern town of Rochester…. all of a sudden.
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“His heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.” (Psalm 112:7)