Nelson is beginning to think he might not live to see the other side of his cancer. In this journal entry, he tries to accept that unwelcome possibility.

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December 8, 2022

“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” (Psalm 90:12)

Always a fascinating psalm when I come around to it. Written by Moses, the man of God, it calls man’s mortality to account. We are here for a little while.

My mortality is always before me. We have very little and really nothing, unless we “number our days”. I think about a sunny day, walking around some beach in LA or any other scenario where you feel like you’ll be around forever, and compare it to my life now where my mortality is always sitting right in front of my face.

Thinking about how it looks to me today, my little son, my wife, living a stone’s throw from the Mayo Clinic so I can be close to help if I need it. And it’s happened plenty that I do [need it].

How long do I have? Does it matter? Shouldn’t I live every day like it’s my last anyway? I guess when you are young and feel good, you don’t want to think about your fragility. Why would you?

Sadly, only when we are a little more “down and out” do we think about our short life and number our days. On that level, God does us a favor when we have trouble in this life.

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“There is an appointed time for every event under heaven.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1)