When the kitchen sink clogs, I can figure it out. When a drawer sticks or the upholstery rips, I know what to do. When fuses blow again and aga
in, I don’t have a clue.
My electric water heater has its own little fuse box with twin fuses and an on-off lever. It’s simple. But it doesn’t work. When there ought to be hot water in the tank, suddenly there isn’t. But not always. Only sometimes.
When I check the power box, one of the twin fuses is always blown. This week when it happened, the glass on the front of the fuse got so hot, it was bulging. When I touched it, it burned my finger.
So now I’m flipping the lever “on” to heat up a tank of water (while standing back to avoid sparks), then flipping it back to “off” again afterwards. I’m worried about the house burning down and wonder how likely that is. But when I begin feeling sorry that I don’t have a husband to tend to the problem, my friend Becky’s words come back to me: “Neither Paul or Nate did home repair jobs anyway!” I guess we can’t miss what we never had.
New widows feel especially vulnerable to minor mishaps like my blown fuses, and any small blip in circumstances can quickly grow into a major crisis. Of course we can use a phone as well as the next person but often have trouble making the many tiny decisions necessary to move forward. “Who do I call? What if I get swindled? Can I trust a stranger? If I need a recommendation, who will I ask? Will the repair be expensive? Will the whole electrical system have to be replaced?” And on and on it goes in a succession of paralyzing questions. Meanwhile, nothing gets done.
In the months since Nate died, I’ve found myself in a swirl of indecision again and again, even to the point of wondering if I should walk upstairs to get my shoes or go downstairs to start the wash. Either would be fine, and both have to be done, but there I stand in the living room, immobilized by my inability to decide. I’ve asked a few of my widow friends if this is crazy, but they’ve responded with knowing smiles and similar scenarios.
Life becomes discombobulated when a mate is lost. If Nate was here, I’d report to him on the electrical dilemma and ask what to do. Being good at making decisions, he’d act without hesitating, either by finding the Yellow Pages or making a call or promising to have a solution by tomorrow. But because he is gone, the other half of that conversation is missing, which throws me into a tailspin of uncertainty.
I have high hopes my decision-confusion will eventually lift. Long-term widows tell me it will. In the mean time, I’ll lean on my knowledgeable brother-in-law for help and be thankful he’s willing to rescue me… yet again.
“Let all things be done decently and in order.” (1 Corinthians 14:40)
Boy, you must be reading my mind. Even though Jim gave me how-to instructions, on many things, and even though I have written them all down in “Mom’s Book”, I find myself in a dilema, weekly. Nothing ever lasts long, and I ask family, neighbors, and companies ..what to do? Today’s dilema was …. how to return and put up a tank of gas for the grill. You will find yourself being “proud” of all your new experiences. I know our mates are REALLY MISSED! Your writings are my life, several weeks earlier. I always think of this saying…..”Inch by inch, it’s a cinch; yard by yard, it’s hard.”
I could be in BIG trouble if I out live Bruce because I already have trouble making decisions and He loves to make them! Thank the Lord for Berv!!! Love to you!
Your blog today reminded me of my Dad and the many times he would help someone with their broken car or home issues. God shows His love for us by providing ones who are willing and able to share their skills to help others and serve the Lord. Thank you, Berv! And thank you, Dad!
Please be careful–thank the Lord for Bervin–he knows all about those kinds of things! You are able to verbalize and write out all those questions I wish I asked but only feel when something goes wrong and John is out of town. However when I can’t figure out something (even like the TV remote for pitty sakes)– I either just try to do it (banging the controller doesn’t seem to work–hmmm) or just forget it and get a book! Do you suppose we all are alike? Good reminder to be sensitive to and look out for those around us, like the widows and orphans Jesus talked about–huh. I do pray God would give you comfort even in these “little”
things. And again BE CAREFUL! Love ya!
And now I am all caught up on your blogs! Thank you Margaret for your valuable incites and Gods perspective on just about everything. You are an amazing woman of faith!
Margaret. God Bless you! I winced when you mentioned the ‘hot, bulging’ fuse…THAT is serious stuff. Lots of things we can learn easily-to do ourselves for maintenance – but electrical…ANYTHING CONNECTED TO IT is a ‘must call someone to help’ kind of thing. Old house, old wiring…new gadgets…and since you’re living there fulltime…more use…and thank GOD – for His Holy Spirit to caution you…not to frighten you…but I’d have the wiring checked throughout the house for safety sake…no doubt your brother-in-law has already mentioned it..or done it. Keep the ‘faith’ !!
Because of Dad’s work at Moody and my involvement with the financial world, I have the opportunity to talk to people through my work about being prepared. I have a list of “things” we need to have just in case ….. My list includes phone numbers of plummers, electricians, HVAC men, handymen along with many other things we all should know before a life altering event happens. Best advice, get involved now and learn where stuff is and who to call when. Above all keep in mind that God is in control and will guide us. Margaret we have seen His hand on you consistantly. He is faithful. Thank you to all you out there who help out when needed.
One of the first crises I faced was dropping a pearl earring down the drain (The earrings were a gift from Reggie, and I REALLY wanted to retrieve that little stinker!). I figured out how to remove the elbow underneath the sink, get the earring, clean the gunk out while I was at it, and put the elbow back on WITH the teflon tape required to make the joint leakproof. The teflon tape part took a day or two. Tne next acquired skill was taking the toilet totally up off the floor to retreive a Matchbox fire truck that Collin had flushed – learned how to make sure that sticky ring of sealing stuff was intact. After achieving those two icky tasks I felt tremendously empowered. Of course, there are many times when I’ve thrown my hands up and asked for help from family and/or friends. It all comes through God’s filter, Marn. He WILL make a way of escape…..and while I’m at it, yay for Bervin!!
Margaret, It’s me Mary, across the street in Bethany back in the day. I need you to know you are living next door to the handiest and most generously available person Ray and I have ever known. Bob, your neighbor to the east, has helped us out of more jams that either Ray or I would care to admit. He can do anything we have ever asked and he does so very willingly. This takes nothing from Bervin. We are humbled by his abilities, but since he is not always right there you have such a resource next door. Linda, Bob’s wife, is equally gifted in different ways. Use them. I really believe God put you next door to them!