Less than one month ago, we didn’t know a thing about pancreatic cancer, and we certainly didn’t know it would come crashing into our family like it has. But today as I walk through our cottage, I see a hospital bed and bedside table, a cane, a wheelchair, a shower seat with hand-held shower arm, a “lift” chair to help a person get up, a giant bag of pill bottles, rubber gloves, a urinal and, being delivered tomorrow, a triple-purpose commode seat. And most shocking of all, leaning against Nate’s chair, is a thick, navy notebook full of pages that says “Hospice Home Care.” Unbelievable.
Today we got acquainted with two new Hospice ladies, one a social worker and the other a nurse. The social worker began her process of getting to know our family by asking many questions. When she finished, she offered their massage service to Nate, who hesitated. His entire trunk from chin to legs is sensitive to the touch, coupled with his fear that if touched too hard, it will hurt. Every organ is affected by the cancer, and the thought of being pressed by a masseuse was about as appealing as climbing into a boxing ring.
Since Nate was too tired to explain, I described what was going on inside his body, stumbling for a succinct reason why he wouldn’t want a massage. Linnea interrupted and said, “Mom, just say ‘no’. You’re allowed.”
Her comment was a relief. I’m learning that Hospice is all about making our loved ones comfortable, not just Nate but the whole crowd of us. Before the social worker finished, she was offering me the massage service. I looked at Linnea who said, “Say yes!”
Today’s nurse gave Nate a physical exam, and his blood pressure was good, 122 over 85. He’s stopped losing weight, although I think it’s because he’s holding fluid in his abdomen. Having become bone-thin, he suddenly has a bulging stomach that feels like a giant water balloon. The rest of him is getting leaner and leaner.
One leg and foot are also filling with fluid and when asked, Nate acknowledged it did hurt. I told the nurse he never complained, and this was a perfect example. His sock gripped too tightly and made an indented circle of constriction where the elastic gripped. “Can we cut them?” the nurse asked, and I disappeared to find a scissors.
While Nate watched with a frown, I cut a 4” line down the front of his sock so it could slide on without being too tight. “Let’s cut the other one, too, so he’ll have a matched pair,” I said, trying to ease Nate’s fears.
The nurse also ordered a different mattress for the hospital bed, one that would “undulate” while he slept, to keep his skin happy. (I am jealous over that mattress.) The bed motor is purring, a fan is humming, tiny green lights are flashing and the whole place has all the conveniences of a hospital. But we are at home. The greatest blessing of today is recognizing that.
Our family hope is that we can keep Nate at home with all of us in these peaceful, familiar surroundings for the duration. To hear children laughing, to smell stew in the oven, to see the glory of colored leaves out the windows and to hold hands with the ones you love most are the delights of these days. But we’ve long since given up trying to control our uncontrollable circumstances. If God wants to pluck Nate from this cottage and put him in a hospital, he’ll do it for a good reason. And whatever God does, we are behind him.
“The Lord’s plans stand firm forever; his intentions can never be shaken.” (Psalm 33:11)
I love how the Lord is leading you day by day….to “cracking the door on eternity” one day, to being stunned the next, at the Hospice “friendly” take-over of your cottage. And being “behind Him” whatever He does, guarantees being in the wake of all His grace. We –here on the other side of the world—read, and grieve, and pray for you all. And smile at Linnea’s “words fitly spoken” (“Mom…..!”:)and try to visualize the fall parade outside your window, and the hand-holding circle of love (and the stew!) which permeates this tender scene. May the Lord continue to open your eyes to each day’s glimpses of His glory.
“For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” Matthew 18:19 We are wishing we could pull up a chair and enjoy the warmth in your cottage, too! We are praying for your entire family, as you go through this time of testing. Tomorrow would be my dad’s 92nd birthday. We often went to the lake to enjoy the leaves for this day. Sending the love of Jesus from us to you.
God’s grace is truly sufficient for one day at a time. It would be hard to imagine a glimpse into the future and believe we would have the ability to walk through something so painful. As I read your daily journal of this overwhelming journey, flashbacks of caring for John’s dad come to mind. I remember thinking many times to myself “just do what you gotta do and don’t think about it or allow the emotions to overwhelm you”. That helped me through it but I still had to deal with all that I stuffed in months and years later, a trickle at a time. Some day, when you reread your journals, you will be able to look back and see God’s arms carrying all of you.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death. I will fear no evil, for Thow are with me.
Steve and I were out of the country for two weeks and just returned to the news of Nate’s cancer. We sat together and wept as we read all the back entries on Linnea’s and your journals and have thought and talked about little else since the moment we heard. Our hearts and prayers are with you all. I can’t thank you enough for your willingness to share this journey with us and offer the “comfort you, yourself, have received.” We are challenged, convicted, heartbroken and yet warmed by your love and encouraged all at the same time. Your Light is shining for the world to see, the Light that comes from His power through and in you. What would we do without Him? Thank you and God Bless You!
Your stories fill me with many emotions.
But the best emotion is Nate’s bravery and courage through this. He is a remarkable man, but I always knew that. Yesterday a girl who use to work for him, Jennifer called me, she just found out. As much as she would like to talk to Nate, she knows that’s not possible. She will keep in touch with me, and I gave her the website address as well.
Always and forever in my heart and Mind. I love you all.
Reading through your daily experiences brings back a flood of memories of ‘trying’ to take care of my mom, being a caregiver and dealing with the families while maintaining a certain decorum..not going over the boundaries set before me….Hospice is one ov the very BEST organizations in the world..and Linnea is so right..”no” or “yes”…is enough….and Margaret..take care of yourself too…SO VERY IMPORTANT! Only God’s strength saw me through those times, and He will you all, too. I heard this on the Bill Gaither gospel show this a.m….thought of you..”When God calls one of our loved ones home, He promises they are with Him; and He..has promised in His word..to always be with us…so they’re never…really gone…just the body ” What a comfort to know..Nate’s spirit will always be wherever you are..
May the warmth of the Son fill your hearts and His laughter fill your mouths…it IS a good medicine!The Lord always gives us what we need when we need it..He’s never late, never early, but He’s always on time!!Let Hospice people become your new ‘best friends’, that’s their goal…to ‘help’ you through this most difficult time.Constantly in our prayers. Patzian
I am so blessed by your strong statement “whatever the Lord does, we are behind Him” Amen! That is the salute of the committed life. Thank you so much for letting me share in these intimate times and thoughts.
I must say an “Amen” to all of the above comments–wonderful words of love, comfort and support. What a sensationally beautiful, peaceful time of year to be slipping away into the presence of Jesus in our heavenly home. I pray that the wonder of His peace that passes all understanding will keep your hearts and minds moment by moment. Psalm 73:23-26: “Nevertheless I am continually with You; You hold me by my right hand. You will guide me with Your counsel, and afterward receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart fail; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” xo
Love and prayers to you all, constantly, every waking hour of our days.
Nate and Margaret- Thank you so much for sharing this journey with us. Your faith is astonishing and I am finding that reading your words is transformative. Thank you. We all miss Nate so much here at the office. I miss our conversations- Nate would ask my opinion about something in the news and then ask about my little girl. Every night Degame and I pray for ‘Mr. Nyman’s comfort’ and peace for his family”. Peace be with you all, Mary Anne Young
Our thoughts and prayers are with you. Thank you for sharing, we are keeping up with you every day. May god bless you.
Love,
Your cousins Merrilyn & Michele
Hi Margaret
You write with beauty and purpose. I’ve read almost every post.
I worked with Nate on appeals. What a great lawyer and easy going life loving guy Nate is.
7 years ago I called Nate from my car phone on my way to work. We discussed some cases and the weather. I then asked, “Nate, recall the times when I said to you ‘when things get really bad it’s never as bad as the doctor telling you you have cancer’, right?”
He agreed with a little concern in his voice. Then I told him I was just diagnosed with late stage cancer and needed to undergo radiation and chemo. Docs (including my MD dad) said looks like a 30% survival rate with a positive node involved.
We talked about pending case work and my optimistic view on my recovery.
I was 42 with 4 and 6 year olds then. Nate was upset but he watched me get through it and ultimately I was ‘cured’.
2 years later we brought into our household a third child. Nate I think marveled at that. Running our small business, getting through cancer and then deciding to increase our family–was not for sissies. Nate knew where I placed values.
Nate loved his work his past work life and spoke highly his family. He placed a high value on family too. It is a wonderful blessing he has you as a caretaker and wife.
Tell him I’ll see him soon enough. Same place sometime.
Nate and Margaret,
My prayers are with you and your wonderful family.
Nate, I have always valued your friendship and respected you in all aspects of your life.
Your friend always,
Jan
Wow, God is so faithful. We got to stay home with Papa until the end. Home is such a blessing, especially your home in Shorewood. I can’t think of a more peaceful place.
God never promises us we won’t suffer. The opposite. But He still takes such good care of us, answering little prayers and big ones all along the way. He is just so sweet to us.
I’ve been thinking a lot about home as I’ve read the Heaven book you gave us. It’s such a comfort to know that sense of being home will become permanent once we die. We’ll be at home with Jesus.
Love you, Mom.