Nate is not a nature guy and doesn’t normally notice what’s going on outside his window. Today was an exception. Here in Michigan we had a summery day in late October with temps in the mid-seventies and lots of sunshine. The day begged us to “come outside and play,” so the two of us decided to take a short ride. Although I’d planned to drive to our tiny town a mile away, as we were weaving through the subdivision Nate began commenting on the beauty of the colored leaves.
“Wow, look at that yellow one. And the red over there. Are the colors darker than usual this year?”
Instead of driving to town, we drove to a beach-look-out with a wooden deck. Since no one was there, I drove right up to the planks so Nate had only four small steps from his car door to the railing. There was a bench on the deck drenched in sunlight, and a warm breeze was blowing off Lake Michigan.
“Could you tolerate that bench for a while?” I asked, hoping he could. And he nodded.
We sat quietly, taking in the beauty of the lake, the sand, waving dune grasses and endless fall color. Some people don’t like autumn, because colored leaves represent a process of dying, and they know bare trees will soon follow.
Our family’s reality is similar in that Nate is in the process of dying. Strangely, though, this season, much like autumn, has a spectacular beauty to it, and none of us want to minimize that just because we know what season comes after this one. The Bible says, “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven, a time to be silent… a time to lose… a time to weep… a time to mourn… and a time to die.” (parts of Ecclesiastes 3)
Although we are moving along the time line that includes every one of those negatives, God is simultaneously providing counterpart-positives. This morning, I looked at Nate sitting on the bench. He is on the losing side in every physical category, losing muscle, balance skills, the ability to read and write, clear thinking. Yet there we sat, enveloped in beauty, enjoying the season around us, and thus enjoying ourselves.
This sounds terrible, but there is much about our season of dying that we’re all enjoying. Our family is together, providing tremendous support, counsel and love to each other. Our grandbabies are with us, punctuating the air with giggles and baby talk. Prayer is the staple of nearly every hour. Scripture rescues difficult moments by delivering sustenance and vigor. Friends are bringing a steady stream of delicious, healthy meals to our door. My calendar is empty, absent of pressure to accomplish. Our mailbox is full of loving greetings. We have time to ponder, to converse and to wait.
The Ecclesiastes passage says, “There is a time to love.” Love takes time, and right now we have time all day long, every day. We only have today without any promise of tomorrow, and at any time a flurry of health-related activity might spin into our peaceful home. But for this day, we have time, both quantity and quality, and we are delighting in it.
In the mean time, many of the other positives of Ecclesiastes are also taking place, right now: a time to laugh, a time to heal (relationships), a time to get, to keep, to embrace, a time of peace. We’re experiencing all of that, and its wonderful.
The same chapter also says, “God has made everything beautiful in his time.” (verse 11) It’s not just the good times of laughter, dancing and healing that he makes beautiful. He makes everything beautiful! The one condition is that the beauty will be evident only in his time, not ours. I believe these days of preparation for Nate’s “time to die” have been made beautiful by God’s detailed involvement.
Autumn is a time of dying, yes, but the process is undeniably beautiful. It’s breathtaking. As we took it all in on the bench overlooking the dunes ablaze with fall color, we couldn’t see winter’s bare trees. We know they’re coming, but that can’t spoil today. We know death’s awful separation is coming, too, but we won’t let it ruin the now-moments. God has made everything beautiful in his time, and that time is right now.
Hebrews 12:1-2
“Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”
Thank you for showing how to “run the race set before you” in a way that is obviously so pleasing and honoring to God. Continuing to offer up prayers for each of you…
I am so happy that God showed His glory to you in that way. I pray that every day you see and feel His presence.
As I was reading the end of your post I could hear my favorite part of “There Is A Fountain” running through my mind: “…redeeming love has been my theme and shall be till I die.” May you continue to feel and witness His redeemeing love weaving its theme of grace and infinite faithfulness through your days. May you continue to see it burst through the darkness in dazzling glory in the most unexpected, and most needed, moments.
You are right…the beauty is in God’s time and to savor each gifted moment is to be “in” His time, near His side, under His wings. And it doesn’t sound terrible to those of us watching from afar…that you are enjoying these hallowed moments..the staple (prayer) the sustenance (Scripture) and the solidarity (family)
“Then those who feared the Lord spoke to one another, and the Lord gave attention and heard it, and a book of rmembrance was written before Him, for those who fear the Lord and who esteem His name.”
May your book of remembrance be crammed with “darker leaves” and babies’ giggles, and the sweetness of afternoons, alone together, drinking in autumn beauty designed by the One who holds all things together by the word of His power.
Indeed, these are precious moments to treasure. Bob and I enjoyed natures beauty during his battle with ALS with more intensity than ever before. The snow blanketing our yard and trees sparkled like diamonds that took our breath away. Was God giving Bob a bit of his heavenly visions this side of heaven? We know beauty there is incomprehensible in comparison to what we see here. Drink it all in, my precious Margaret and Nate. And get ready. The best is yet to come! Love Miriam
I praise the Lord for giving you two such a tender, sweet moment to be alone together. Your gift of writing and surrender to transparency through this journey has been a daily inspiration, giving all of us a fresh perspective through the eyes of our heavenly Father. We try to fit God into our world when the reality is He wants to show us how to live in His spirit world while here on earth. You and your family are doing that without the intention of trying to “be a witness or a way of serving God”. It is happening naturally as each of you seek Him with an earnest like never before and encourages the rest of us to do the same with whatever is a crisis in each of our lives.
This is a beautiful illustration. It’s also encouraging to remember that the deadly winter will end. And for those that trust in Christ, winter is followed by an eternal summer.
Isn’t it bewautiful the many waays God expresses His love to us; sometimes He seems ‘silent and not responding’ when we want immediate action…let me reassure you as I have been so many times…in the ‘silent times’ is when He is closest to us…listen..to the wind, the silence of the night, His sweet love surrounds you like a baby in a blanket and cradles you in HIs arms. These are the times of “one set of footprints in the sand”. How precious you’ve shared them…so beautifully.
God bless and enjoy this day the Lord has made. Patzian
I don’t think I will ever see”Autumn colors” the same way after reading your beautiful analogy of the passage in Ecclesiastes and the transition of seasons. I’m sure I am not alone when I say that your daily writings are an inspiration. There is a song we sing at church “Blessed be the name of the Lord……He gives and takes away…..Blessed be the name of the Lord” That middle part is a reality that hurts sometimes. We don’t like that “take away” bit. But praise God that we have Him at our side showing us His blessings each step of the way. It sounds like your whole family are very aware of that. Praise Him
“The sky is black. The dawn is but a promise. And here I wait – impatient for the light. My dearest Friend is coming back tomorrow! Anticipation fills the endless night, but soon the dawn will break with golden sunlight. The day will shine with light beyond compare. And He will come. He will come, bright, shining as the morning. And I will rise, I will rise to meet Him in the air!” – (Ron Harris, “Anticipation”) We wait, and waiting is so hard-especially when it is not yet our turn, and others that we love have already gone ahead. But we know that what we are waiting for is glorious beyond anything that we could ever ask or think. Maranatha!
Beautiful!
Your eloquent description of the perfect autumn day is punctuated with the pathos of the reality that Nate’s life and strength are ebbing away. Your family is living out the Ecclesiastes 3 passage in an amazing way for all to behold. What a beautiful gift from the Lord this spectacular day was for you and Nate! You will always remember the warm breeze, the blazing colors, the sunlight, the lake, the sand….and Nate sitting on the bench, now a hallowed place. “For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain.” Nate has lived, loved and laughed. His time will soon be up, and then he will gain that which we can scarcely imagine and can only ponder. Thank you dear friend for allowing us to experience with you the agony and the ecstasy of this season of your lives. Our prayers for strength and grace continue.
Perfectly said. I love you.
I’m so glad that you were able to have these moments alone together. They will be so fondly remembered.
Lake Michigan and the glory of fall leaves contrast so powerfully with sand and the wilderness. Over the last year, my mind has run often to the words of a chorus you may recall:
Like a dry and thirsty land, I long for you, o Lord;
My parched and hungry soul, longs for your quenching word….
In the shadow of your wings, I sing songs in the night;
In the darkness of this world, I cling to you for light.
reflected from Psalm 143, a David Psalm.
May you continue to know the power of God day by day and be kept in his mighty hands.
From one who’s been blest to share in many, many joyous moments with your family, thank you for the privilege of bringing us into your home once again at such a tender time.
Nate, Kristen mentioned your news to me recently, and we spent some time chatting about what you have meant to her family and to me. You have set a great example for Kristen with your work ethic and your postitive approach to life. She is so grateful for the support you have given to her and her family over the years. Always such a gentleman. On a personal note, most lawyers probably don’t continue to have a good relationship with the party on the other side of a divorce. You were kind and understanding, and it made a difficult situation much easier for me. That was years ago, but I have not forgotten and always enjoyed hearing from Kristen when you and she had a court appearance together. Thanks for being a good friend!
This is one of my favorite posts of all time. Such a wonderful way to look at death and life and the moments in between.