Over the last few months I’ve given away quite a few of Nate’s clothes, many of them to our Illinois church’s clothing distribution to the homeless. There’s one piece, however, I’ve decided to keep… and to wear. It’s his navy blue, terrycloth bath robe.
Nate wore this robe daily. Throughout 2009 when he was plagued by severe back pain, he couldn’t wait to get out of his business suit each evening and into the comfort of this bath robe. Usually the transition was made immediately after our 7:00 PM dinner by way of a hot soak in the tub with the day’s newspapers.
Although there were nights during his stressful career when he’d fall into bed very late wearing his white long-sleeved dress shirt still buttoned at the wrists, in recent years he did away with all that. And during his last year, he worked deliberately to reduce his pain and find a measure of comfort each evening.
Once in a while I’d get frustrated watching him abdicate the hustle and bustle of family life in favor of undressing and moving toward a prone position. I even grew to dislike the navy robe, which for both of us represented the end of his day. I’d ask, “Are you getting ready for night time already? It’s only 8:00.”
Now, of course, I feel badly about the implication of my question, but I hadn’t known the extent of his pain.
One of the reasons he loved his terrycloth robe was not having to dry off after a bath or shower. “It’s like a giant towel doing the job for me,” he’d say.
These days, as I wrap myself in his “giant towel,” I think comforting thoughts about Nate. I ponder the absence of complaining about his back and know he’d smile to see how I’ve come to appreciate his robe. I also imagine how he’d laugh if he could see me in it, the shoulders droopy and the belt nearly going around twice. But he’d be glad to know I’ve finally discovered there’s comfort in that terrycloth.
Many of my widow pals say they find a warm refuge in wearing a husband’s jacket, shirt or socks. It sounds silly, especially if we never shared our men’s clothing while they were still with us. But it’s one of the few remaining links we have to our partners, and because of that, wearing their clothes takes on special meaning.
Scripture tells us God is a good comforter. He provides his Holy Spirit as a soothing balm from our insides out, supplying comfort deep-down in those places nobody sees. Jesus said that when we mourn, he’ll see to it that relief comes to us. (Matthew 5:4) One of the many ways he’s comforted me is by coaxing me into Nate’s robe.
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles…” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4a)
Hi Margaret,
I still ponder how my name became associated with a particular sort of fabric. 🙂
Even as you “put on” Nate, you have been putting on the Lord Jesus Christ all of these months of mourning and deep grief. You have deliberately turned to Him, have sat at His feet, and have waited to hear from Him and be comforted. Wisdom does not fall into a person’s lap; it is hotly pursued as the verbs in Proverbs 2 suggest. You are wise.
You were missed at the Swaback golf outing. Who would not want for both Mitch and Nate to still be present, yet I marvel at the choices both families have made to honor the Lord in the midst of grief, and the eternal ripple effect that has had to birth great influence through their deaths- yours through your gift of writing and theirs through their gifts of workmanship and compassion for the needy and outcast.
He has robed you in righteousness.
Love,
Terry
Someone hurt me deeply last week and then today her words and rejection tore into me. Your right, God’s comfort so surrounds and fills the hurting places that sweet peace comes in and makes those dark places light again. What a faithful, wonderful friend we have in Jesus! Thank you, Margaret, this day’s blog was for me.
May you enjoy many ‘hugs’ in the navy blue robe.
I love this robe photo. My favorites, from Jim’s closet, still remain on hangers, and neatly folded in same size boxes. I went through it all, last October, and it has been a comfort to glance at it, every now and then. His cranberry colored robe got used, by me, all winter. My favorite shoes, of Jim’s, are still by the front door. I’m starting to feel like I can soon give these excellent things away. They have brought me many happy memories and much comfort. Yours, as well as the Blog Readers Comments have also helped me each day. Dear Commentaters,Thank you for letting the Lord lead you, in your comments. Margaret, again…….thanks.
Margaret-I love the bathrobe blog and know exactly how you feel about this piece of clothing. I wore one of Tom’s favorite sweathirts all winter even though it came down to my knees! I have recently taken a number of his shirts, p.js. etc and had “Memory Quilts” made for each child and will give one to each of them this Fathers Fay. I know these quilts will bring much comfort and good memories to them.
So good to read your blogs from time to time. also note our new email address. Keep up the good work in writing,its so encouraging.love ya Wally & Barb
I find this blog so interesting because after “they” came to take Paul away, I realized his robe was gone with him and I have been comforted to know that his body was wrapped in his favorite robe..however the belt to his robe was left behind and for years I would “steal” his robe belt each morning to play with the cats, sometimes forgetting to put it back and everytime he would remind me that his robe belt is not the cat toy which for some reason just sounded so funny and would make me laugh out loud. So, every morning I am very thankful to continue the routine of playing with the cats using the silly robe belt.
So if I die first, will Steve wear my favorite silky black robe? I guess men are different. But I could see him spraying the extra bed pillow with the perfume that I have worn for 30 years. Whether clothes or scent, it is the connection with one who is physically gone that brings comfort. It is good to think about these things. Thanks!