Hospice has delivered an endless supply of equipment for our use: a hospital bed, a continuously inflating mattress, a shower chair, a wheeled walker, a movement alarm, a bedside table, plastic bed liners called chucks, an automatic chair that raises people to a standing position, a bag of Depends and a magic-foam pad to sit on. We’ve met four nurses, one doctor, one social worker and one aide. And we have phone numbers to call for 24-hour access to these people or to request additional supplies.
Today we had an appointment with the aide, our helper, who was coming to give Nate a shower. She’d come once before, and I thought we were over the hump of Nate’s embarrassment with a woman other than me seeing him naked. But today when I said, “Guess who’s coming?” Nate answered, “I hope it’s not that woman who gave me the shower. I hope she never comes again.”
We all laughed, and I said, “Oh she’s coming all right, and I’m sure she’ll see to it that you cooperate!”
Lori is a powerful woman who doesn’t take guff from patients. She has a heart of gold and works hard all day bending and twisting to get dirty people clean, most of them struggling with body movement, unable to help her very much.
“She’s bathed people for 20 years,” I assured Nate, “and you’re just one of many she’s helping today.”
He winced and muttered, “Oh boy,” but then resigned himself to her arrival.
Bubbling with good cheer and strong respect for Nate, Lori chatted with him throughout his shower, covering him carefully at strategic moments to give him an illusion of privacy. She rubbed him dry with a towel, careful to keep an extra one over his shoulders so he wouldn’t get cold. It was a scene similar to hundreds in my past as a mother drying the bubble-bath-clean bodies of seven children.
Lori also dressed Nate, careful not to hurt him or touch the dime-sized tumors erupting here and there on his body. When he was dressed, she combed his hair, continuing to talk soothingly and deliver praise. She also helped him with his electric shaver.
After Nate’s bath, Lori showed me how to handle a new set of circumstances coming into our future as Nate’s caregivers: changing the messy diaper of a bed-ridden patient. This is work I never dreamed I would do. Even as she was explaining it, I was wishing it away. But she left us with a big bag of pull-up Depends, and this reality is right around the corner.
Preparing to leave, Lori looked at Nate. “OK, big guy, you’re a new man,” she said, standing back to admire her work. “And I’ll see you again on Friday.” He gave her a weak smile but was too worn out from the ordeal to be enthusiastic. Later he made a joke about her wanting to have her way with him, but we all heard a hint of appreciation in his voice.
I love Elisabeth Elliott’s quote: “Just do the next thing.” This is simple, wise counsel. Lori demonstrated this in her approach to Nate’s bath. One task at a time, she just did the next thing. It was hard work, and she was huffing and puffing as she lifted, supported, bent and squatted. But she made a point of steadily moving forward.
As Nelson reminded me tonight, “Don’t stress about that diaper thing today, because you don’t have to do it today. Wait til its right in front of you, and stress about it then.” That fits right in with Mrs. Elliott’s quote above. While you’re stressing out, just do the next thing.
My sister is fond of saying, “God doesn’t call the equipped; he equips the called.” She’s right. And God is in the process of equipping me, equipping all of us, to simply do the next thing.
“Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed.” (Proverbs 16:3)
This was a good chuckle to start my day. I look forward to reading your blog everyday. I see “Margret’s” books ahead.
God doesn’t call the equipped, he equips the called. Thanks for the encouragement and may he continue to supply the strength. Our hearts are with you.
My dad was a very dignified man – a college professor. I can still see him caring for my mother when she was terminally ill with ovarian cancer. This man (who had a calendar in his closet where he planned the outfit of the day when he was teaching)did so much for her – including taking her to the bathroom, giving her sponge baths, dressing her, cooking (with mixed results!), laundry, etc. It was a living picture of ‘in sickness and in health’. That is what you are helping us to see, Margaret. May God continue to hold your hand as you put one foot in front of the other.
I love your positive attitude and unrelenting trust in our Heavenly Father. Thank you for sharing with us every day Margaret. Your readers feel so close to you. We pray for all of you night and day.
Sometimes it helps to detach and step into the “nurse” mode to do what needs to be done and not think about all the ramifications of what is before you. We’ve been there and can relate to so much of what is new to you. We are praying for all of you. Much love, tlc
Well, Nate’s PERFECTLY understandable comment about “hoping THAT woman NEVER comes again” made me laugh out loud! Hang in there, Nate. Keep that perspective as long as possible! What normal man wants a big woman bathing him? And his line about her wanting to have her way with him….what a card! It’s quite touching to see all of you “just doing the next thing” –and balancing the view of what’s coming, with what is on your plate for this day. How blessed you are to have kids who can help you know when to stress! You must have taught them (as well as bathed them:) well! The song running thru my mind for you today is…”He will give you GRACE and glory…He will give you grace and GLORY…He will give you grace AND glory…He’ll go with you, with you…ALL THE WAY”
Praise the Lord for the wonderful people available to help you. They’ve been there done that and don’t be afraid to vent to them when the time comes. Also what wisdom out of your son’s mouth. May you continue to be encouraged by God’s love for you. Praying for you on the other side of the lake.
Good morning, Margaret…another day/night of new challenges and finding solutions for them. Thank God for your helper Lori and her efficient care of Nate. And thank God for your divine Helper, the blessed Holy Spirit who upholds and sustains you through this great trial. He is our merciful and faithful high priest who is able to help us in our weaknesses (Hebrews 4). And when in your sorrow and exhaustion you don’t know what to pray, the Spirit helps by interceding for you with groans that your words cannot express (Romans 8). And when you feel overwhelmed by those “messy diapers”, your divine helper will give you the strength to change them. May He give you peace, grace, hope and joy in this time of great need. Love and prayers..
Margaret..I can empathize with both you and Nate on the bath/diaper issue. As an ‘EX’ caregiver..I can honestly say ‘that is probably the most difficult task to overcome..for male of female’. To those of us who have had the experience…a body is just that…but does require respect and dignity….and it is ‘just part of the job’. We ALL pray we never have to get there..!!
I totally agree with the other comments, and mostly…the scripture.
God bless, Patzian
Have returned from NZ experiencing the birth of Baby Leo. He is darling! Everyday I read your site and have nothing new to say that has not been said by all your friends. Love your thoughts and reflections–things we all experience but can’t put into words quite like you can. I have several friends reading your site and too are blessed by your honesty and trusting faith in our Lord.
Margaret.. thank you so very much for sharing your life with all who come to this site. The way you put the day’s events into words, is a gift, and you do it in quite a special way. I feel as if I know your family a little more with each new post. They al sound like an amazing bunch, brought up in much love and God’s word! I read your site everyday, and pray for your entire family. Being a family going through cancer, I know somewhat of what you must deal with, and pray for God’s grace to be with you every moment. God bless you all, Susan
Oh, Margie! I feel for and with you. You know I’ve been there with my mom and my husband. Having walked this part of the trail before you I can assure you that His grace WILL be sufficient for each step. That doesn’t mean you will always feel capable but you WILL be enabled to do what He asks. You will never be the same or look at God’s wonderous workings in the same way…but that is a good thing. I hold you up day and night.
You two continue to amaze me. May blessings and love fall on you every day. Love, Boapie
Margaret,
Last year you and Mary blessed our family with the “Meet at Macs” Bible study which you did with our daughter Allison. Now you are blessing my family with your insight of the Lord’s daily provision in the midst of deep sadness. You are such an inspiration, God is using you to touch so many!
Margaret,
a friend suggested to read your web side-since I am going through a hard time with my husband’s cancer,Multiple Myeloma.Thanks for your loving and caring ways and special gift writing about your experience.I have been a nurse for almost 50 yrs and this is the hardest Nsg I have ever done.Seeing your husband suffer is hard and without the Lords tender Mercies it would be too hard.My comfort is that the Lord is always right with us,yes and just do the next thing.The Lord bless you and your family.Thanks for sharing and giving Gods gift of comfort.Karin
I read John 14 just before I read your blog tonight and reading about your Helper made me think of Jesus’ words to his disciples. He must have been met with 12 worried faces when talking about things to come and chose to remind them of our Helper, “But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid”. Continuing to pray for all of you-
I love you Nate and Marg
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