Nate has always been a good provider. By that I mean every dollar he’s earned, he’s shared. He’s forfeited fancy cars, custom suits and exotic vacations to give to others. I’ve been blessed to be a stay-at-home mom since Nelson was born in 1973, which necessitated receiving money from Nate in the form of a household allowance each week. The amounts have varied over the years with family changes and inflation, but the system has worked well.
I’ve heard of husbands who’ve made their non-working wives plead and beg for each ten dollar bill. “Why do you need it? What are you planning to buy? I don’t think you have to have any of that. You can wait.” Nate has been the opposite, giving and giving again.
When I’ve commented on his shirt pockets being ink stained, encouraging him to buy a few new ones, he’s always turned it back on me saying, “You take the money. I’m sure you need something more than I need new shirts.”
Since he’s been sick, he hasn’t been able to follow our usual routine in money matters, although again and again during these last weeks he’s asked me, “Have you got enough money?”
Little by little Nate has lost track of where we stand on our bills, what the due dates are and how much is in which bank account. Even as he’s been losing interest in the things of this world, something deep inside of him still wants to take care of me.
Since he’s been sick, part of getting him ready for the day has always been handing him a folded wad of bills to slip into his pocket. He’s never been a wallet man. Since several important things have ended up in the trash or even the toilet recently, I’ve “stacked” his wad of bills with singles, except for one twenty wrapped on the outside. While folded, it looks like quite a fortune.
Yesterday afternoon Nate motioned for me to come into a corner of his tiny room. He was trying to count out his bills, putting them into denominational categories, but of course there were no fives or tens. “I can’t figure this out,” he whispered, fumbling with the money. “I guess I can’t give you as much as I thought.”
He handed me the twenty and folded the singles to go back into his pocket, shaking his head. Immediately I ran to my purse and took out the four twenties there, bringing them back to him and feeling guilty for my deception scheme.
“These are actually yours,” I said, handing him the bills.
“Ok,” he said, taking them and then handing them right back to me. “Here. This isn’t much, but you’ll have to make do.”
“It’s plenty,” I said. “You’re a wonderful provider for all of us, and you always have been. Thank you.”
“I feel bad that I can’t do more,” he said, patting me on the back.
Today there are new signs that we are coming close to the end. Nate desperately wanted to get out of bed and walk yet could no longer support his own weight and refused the wheelchair. The only answer was for the boys to pair up on either side and support his weight 100%. After he was standing on his noodle-legs, two of the boys holding strong, we all gathered in a semi-circle in front of him.
He pointed to me and said, in an almost unintelligible whisper, “Forty years. Forty years.” Then he puckered up and leaned toward me, hoping I’d lean in for a kiss, which I did. He followed that with, “Forty-one years. Forty-one years.” I’m not sure if it was longing or sadness or just the sting of impossibility, but it ended well with another pucker and another kiss.
When a man feels his greatest responsibility is to provide for his wife and all he can give her is “this isn’t much” and “I can’t be here for forty-one,” his emotional pain must be nearly too great to bear. Never have I been more thankful for his faithful provision for me than I am now.
“As the Scriptures say, ‘A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (Ephesians 5:31-33)
Oh Margaret, tears streaming . . what a precious man! No words, no wisdom, just tears. Praying right now for you both.
Praise God for the intimate love between Nate and you, and your entire family. God is faithful.
I promised Roland and Barbro Skoog to write to you all from them. So here is a greeting from them too.. All of you are in their thoughts!!
What a testimony to our LORD and Savior, a happy home, filled with love. Praying for you daily.
I can barely see as I type. Praying for you as you go through this next phase with the strength of your love forr each other. And the strength of our Heavenly Father who never leaves you nor forsakes you.
Thank you so much for sharing. I am praying for strength for each of you. And thank you again for the blessings you provide thru the blog. I am going right now to hug my husband and tell him how much I love him.
Marnie, you and Nate are such an encouragement to me. I am grateful for having such a wonderful aunt and uncle. The love you show and the example you live humbles and convicts me.
Nate is a dear man and shining example of a devoted husband. What a holy moment for your children to witness. There are few words to say, just tears and prayers and a great love for you all.
Treasure these moments and memories!
Ken just called and told me the sad news about Nathan. Margaret, I am so sorry. If there is anything I can do, please let me know. Both Pat and I are holding Nate and you, your family and Ken in our hearts and prayers.
Be in this moment, stay, watch, remember it all.
O the staying power of those weed flowers God provided in empty lots last August…and the staying power of a husband’s love which is enduring and seeking ways to still provide. Carok has become a watchword in our home….because Nate taught us Russian when we weren’t looking. There are lots more tears around here these days, but there are lots more grateful smiles, too.
This is your Wedding Anniversary Month. Please ‘celebrate’,today,not later. Congratulations on your 40th.
Wish I were near to help Nate, while you and the family slept, tonight.
Mike and I are praying for you and thinking of you daily. I thought of you and Nate and family alot as a I paricipated in the beautiful “Hymn Sing” at your church. We sang the beautiful songs about Jesus and that “He Lives”, one of my favorites. Your words are so moving and caring and the love that you and Nate share is so precious. Thank you for sharing with us through “Getting Through This”, it is the best way for Mike and I to stay connected and some how try to help. We just want you to know how much we love and care about you and Nate and your family during this difficult and special time. We will continue to pray for all of youand especially for Nate’s comfort.
We celebrate your marriage 40 years ago this month…40 is such a significant number in scripture. Underneath are His everlasting arms. You are in our thoughts and prayers constantly. God Bless You
This blog is quite simply astonishing. The beauty of your prose, the pictures you have painted us, the composure, clarity and honesty of what you have written, the educative element (in terms of explaining the medical side), the spot-on scriptures, and beyond all these the love of God which threads through it all. It is awesome. Thank you. You have no idea how this has helped others many thousands of miles away. And God bless you all.
Margaret, Birgitta and family,
The sensitivity, love and faith that are the thread of your blog touches my heart so very much. It is clear that you all helped Nate make ready to make this final journey. Blessing and love to you all, Joann (Momma)