Life has changed dramatically in the last 24 hours. Nate’s pain has increased at phenomenal speed, and we’ve had trouble keeping ahead of it with the drugs Hospice has given us. Yesterday, from around 3:00 pm until 3:30 in the morning, he was extremely agitated, attempting to get out of the hospital bed with energy so forceful we needed the adult boys to “convince” him he could no longer stand on his weakened legs.
As we talked repeatedly on the phone with the Hospice nurses, we decreased the intervals between medicine doses until we were administering one thing or another every hour. During our struggle to determine how best to overwhelm his sky-rocketing abdominal pain, the nurse decided to make a visit.
Her summary statement was, “He’s shutting down, one organ at a time, and is very close to the end. Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow. Men hang on longer than women and wait to slip away until their wives are not in the room.”
I told her I wanted to be sitting next to him holding his hand if I could, when he died. “If that’s important to you, then do that, but be sure your words give him permission to leave you.”
She assisted and directed us in changing the Depends and washing him, pointing out the bluish toenails and fingernails, as well as pooled blood at his knees, back and palms. She also changed his white t-shirt. Just as we were wondering how she’d get the old one off without upsetting him, she said, “We have a trick for that,” and pulled out a giant scissors. Even after the soiled shirt came off in four pieces, she continued to use her scissors to cut the clean shirt up the back, leaving the neck band in tact to hold the whole thing together.
“Voila,” she said. “As good as any hospital gown.”
Mary offered to stay the night, and we sent everyone else to bed with a promise to wake them up “if anything happened.” Dozing here and there between 3:30 and 7:00 am in chairs pulled up to his bed, we each kept an ear open toward his gravelly breathing.
As the light of dawn came through the window, his throat and mouth were filled with an ugly grey phlegm causing him to choke and panic. We called Hospice again, and the nurse returned, showing us how to place drops under his tongue to decrease bodily fluids including the ones in his throat. She remained calm throughout the process over a 90 minute period, even as Nate struggled, until gradually his body responded to the drug, allowing him to breathe easier.
As I write now, at midnight, oxygen is helping him, and medicine every three hours is holding back his pain. He’s sleeping peacefully, pink-cheeked from a 105 degree fever as his body tries to cool itself down. We are thankful for his brief visits yesterday with each of our kids and several others while he was still alert and talking. They were able to give love and receive it, to share hugs and kisses and express gratitude. I’ll never forget how he worked to stretch out his thin arms to receive each child, winking here and there at things they said, using this creative way to stay in the conversation without words. Today those scenes could not have taken place.
This afternoon as Nate slept, the younger girls and I had a great conversation about what we’ll be feeling when we stand next to Nate’s non-breathing, cooling body. As the tears poured forth, we talked about his point of view. “We’ll all be crying,” I said, “but he will be happier than ever before. Let’s do our best to think about all that good stuff.” They nodded and cried.
As I hold Nate’s hand and watch him sleep, I search for a way to put this heavenly phenomenon into earthly understanding, so have pictured God putting the finishing touches on his dwelling place. Right about now he’s unfurling the rugs and putting fresh flowers on the tables. Nate’s prepared home (mentioned in John 14) is almost ready.
God knows what he’s doing within Nate’s body and in the lives of the others under our roof. He is perfecting his plans minute by minute, and we are trying to follow his lead rather than usurp it. I am keenly aware that our Lord has a specific moment in mind, planned from before Nate was born, when he will pluck him from this world and escort him into the next. No matter what we do or don’t do, that moment will not change.
As we go into another watchful night of waiting and wondering when and how Nate will separate from his earthly existence, we hover between exhaustion and anticipation. As Nelson said tonight, however it works out, it will all be good.
“As for me, my life has already been poured out as an offering to God. The time of my death is near.” (2 Timothy 4:6)
Your testimony to the Truth is a powerful witness. May God continue to grant you peace and strength. With love to all…
Couldn’t sleep…you and Nate weigh heavily on my mind and in my prayers. I’m waiting and watching with you as he passes through the phases of dying. I pray that you can bear it…your grief will be excruciating, but you must go through it. God will help you in ways that you can’t fathom yet. What precious memories you have of a man who loved his family deeply. Thank you for sharing this poignant picture. If Nate could still speak, perhaps his words would be these: “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” 2 Timothy 4:7 Amen.
God bless you, Nate, and your family.
Mama I love you.
On tis dark rainy november morning it feels like even God is crying with us… But above the clouds the sky is always blue!
You are all in our prayers. To God be the Glory.
Sending my love and “air hugs”! Praying as always as you go through this tough time. I love that picture of God getting Nate’s house ready for him!
My Thoughts and prayers are with Nate, you and your family.
Your faith has been such an inspiration to me and I am sure for so many others
Deuteronomy 30:11 This command I give you today is not too hard for you. It is not beyond what you can do.
Daily, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
So hard, yet filled with blessed assurance!
“But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.” Joshua 24:15b
We are praying for his transition into Heaven; that his mind is not bogged down by the pain and anguish at his bedside, but that his joy is increasing as he gets nearer the Lord.
mom’s and my prayers are with you. You couldnot have spoken those words any better.
“For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, for ever and ever.”
Amen
Praise God for those few last moments of awareness He enabled Nate to have with each of his children and with you! Praying for Nate to be filled with peace as our Father walks him down this valley of shadow. Praying you would each feel His arms holding you close through the journey of farewell (for a time). May you hear the heartbeat of your Heavenly Father pounding in your ears each time this struggle feels like too much to bear. May the sound of His heart beating with love for each of you fill you with the knowledge that His arms are stretched around you holding you and your burden, lifting it off your shoulders entirely. Truly, underneath are the everlasting arms!
You have given us so many vivid pictures these last weeks…how precious that you shared with us this picture of “holding him whom your soul loves” in tender transition time. You have inspired an army of praying, loving and sharing people who feel utterly privileged to be walking alongside you and your children at such a holy moment. “Precious in the sight of the Lord….”
You and your family have displayed amazing courage through this difficult journey. My prayers are with you in the days ahead…may God pour out His grace on you.
I’m sure your dear Mom and Dad will also be there to welcome Nate. What a reunion! We are praying for all of you.
May our Lord’s Peace continue in your hearts…and thanksgiving in your souls for a time to say “so long, dad, see ya later”..you re constantly in my prayers.
Patzian
Twice yesterday I joined in singing “For All The Saints”.
First in our regular morning worship.
In the afternoon it was at a glorious Evensong, a memorial celebration for Richard Gladwell who also died of cancer.
Richard hosted a beautiful program of classical church music, “With Heart And Voice”, a nationally syndicated program on Nationa Public Radio.
It seemed as if most of Rochester turned out in one of the largest and most beautiful churches in Rochester. Hearing hundreds and hundreds of voices raised in that hymn was a very powerful and fitting moment.
Indeed we are surrounded by a host of witnesses. Nate will be welcomed by a heavenly host of saints singing in joyous celebration.
Hush now. Wait and listen.
Jann in Rochester, New York
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever and ever. Amen
Psalm 116:15
“Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints.” May Nate’s homegoing be peaceful and filled with the love of all of you, his precious earthly family.
Through my tears I am reading this. We just found out today about Nate. We are praying for strength for you and your children. Seems like just yesterday we were at CLA’s Thanksgiving Kindergarten extravaganza watching our little pilgrims and Indians. Your blog is a beautiful testimony to your love for your husband and your enduring faith in our Lord Jesus Christ.
“What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him” -1 Cor. 2:9
While I wipe my tears away, I’m typing this note to you. Very soft background music is what Nate might want to hear now,as he rests. He will recognized the Hymns, and they will continue to ease the pain. Hearing is the last sense to “leave”.
“Oh That Will Be, Glory For Me” just popped in my mind. Thank you for sharing this precious photo.
“Our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body” (Phil 1:20-21)
“We . . . groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we are saved.” (Rom. 8:23-24)
Margaret — carrying you and your family before the throne of grace as you face all that this day may hold, and those to come. May His grace and peace be multiplied to you, even in the midst of the tears and (temporary, but painful) loss.
“…in thy presence is the fullness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures forevermore.” Ps 16:11.
God bless you as you release Nate into the joy of the Lord.
“For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever.”
As the music that I had planned so carefully for All Saints service rolled through the sanctuary yesterday, my heart and thoughts and tears went out to you, Margaret and Nate. I am so sorry for your suffering, so moved by your strength and bravery and love for each other. We love you both. Jane & Bob
Margaret, ANYTHING, ANYTHING, ANYTHING we can do, we are five minutes away. Thank you beyond measure for bringing us all closer to Christ.
What a beautiful picture of the Lord putting the finishing touches on Nate’s new dwelling place! I can’t help picturing the Lord as He presents Nate with flowers at his homecoming – just as Nate has done for you in the past. Praying that you remain absolutely confident in the timing and goodness of God.
The funeral services Sherman conducted over the years almost always included this…..we say, as we watch the ship sail over the horizon, there he goes. But in heaven they say with unfathomable joy…here he comes!
Our hope is in the Lord. You have truly led us to know that even more. May God continue to give you insight and strength. We are privileged to watch God lead you through this time.
“When we all get to heaven, what a day, what a day of rejoicing that will be. When we all see Jesus, we’ll sing and shout the victory!”
May God continue to give you and your family the strength and peace you need. You all are in my prayers constantly.
It may well seem a bit strange to hear from a total stranger that he has cried through many of your journals, Margaret, but that is precisely what I’ve been doing these weeks. Only part of these tears have anything to do with the fact that I’ve just been treated for Lymphoma, with no real prospects of living too much longer. The “other tears” have been caused by this totally new kind of ministry you’ve been pouring out over so many people these days, Margaret. I simply do not know how to thank you enough for choosing to share as you have so masterfully done! God prepare you for the next part of the journey, and God bless and meet the many needs of you all in this incredible drama!
Even in the depths of your pain, you inspire others with your courage and the gift of putting into words what you and your family are experiencing. We are so glad Nate was able to spend time with each family member. We grieve with you and are praying for each one of you continually. Much love and hugs sent towards you.
You do not know me, I am Jan Faulkner’s step-son, David Chittenden. I just wanted to pass along my thoughts and prayers to Nate and his entire family. Although I did not know him well, Nate was a great resource for me in a desperate time of need during my life. My ex-wife and her family had made hideous accusations against me during our divorce and Nate was always there to offer advice, guidance and representation. God is there for you Nate. Thank you sir and may peace be with you and your family…. God Speed…
Margaret, Thank you for sharing with us your incredible journey. Your journaling has prepared not only you but many others in facing difficult times and the need to keep Christ close.
You are all in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for this ministry. I look forward to meeting Nate in that place that our Lord prepares for us.
“Though my flesh and my heart may fail, You, Oh Lord, are my strength and my portion forever.” We love you!
Dave & Kresson
You have a treasure in the near future: the sound of angel wings at your window. Some might say, ‘Impossible.’ To which I say, ‘if God could send a chariot to receive Elijah, and He has a heavenly host at His disposal, why not dispatch a few hundred to surround your home and escort His saint to his new home. Some day you and I will walk the beach and share the treasures of your journey. The memory of angel wings is one of mine. Praying on.
ive been saying for awhile, now that im sober and can see more clearly today that when i used to look through the backyard there was something there i wanted or needed. i was never really sure till now a family that doesnt have to pull together, cause they always have been together. life then was dificult and misunderstood for me but after becoming part of the Nyman family yours and Nates instruction toward God showed me new value. Strength hope and love is what i saw needed recieved from then on out. everyday from the time ive met you in 1980 those quailities never left you or the rest Nyman family.
I thank God for His unfailing Grace in you and am praying for opportunity to say all that you and the children want and need to say to Nate in these last hours. The angels will be there to escort Nate into Gods Heaven. Our love to you all.
I love you both. I am in constant prayer for Nate, you and your family. God will be glorified in all this. May He give you special courage and peace.
Meryl
Margaret,I have been following daily your beautiful and poignant writing of this difficult journey. What a blessing that all the family has been together in this, supporting and praying and expressing love to one another and to Nate. God has given you the strength for
each day. I continue to pray for Nate and all of you. Your and Nate’s faith has shown through the whole time. What a
testimony! I thought of some words from
a favorite hymn: “When I tread the verge of Jordan, Bid my anxious fears
subside. Bear me through the swelling
current, Land me safe on Canaan’s side.
Songs of praises, songs of praises, I will ever give to Thee, Songs of praises I will ever give to Thee. And
that’s ahead for all us — songs of praises to Him forever. Love & prayers,
Ruth
Thank you for sharing your life with us. May God draw all of you near to him as never before, and you lean on His strength to get through whats ahead. God bless all of you, we lift your family up to God every chance we get.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you, Sue
Our family is with you in spirit and pray for Nate, Margaret “Midge” and all of the Nyman Family. You are in God’s hands and he says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28 It is so wonderful that you could spend every moment that is possible in taking such wonderful care of Nate, he is one special man and it is never easy to let go. He is always with you and has touched so many lives with his tremendous spirit and great sense of humor. I came across a nice message from Mother Teresa that says: “There is a light in the world, a healing spirit, more powerful than any darkness we may encounter. We sometimes lose sight of this force, when there is so much suffering, too much pain. Then suddenly, the spirit will emerge through the lives of ordinary people who care and answer in extraordinary ways.” We are keeping the candle burning and sending our love and blessings. Debbie, Mike, Tom and Lisa
Our prayers will continue to be for all or you. Thanks you for being such an example of trusting God as you say “goodbye for now” to Nate, remembering Gods eternal view and His promises for Nate and all of you. God and Nate were honored in every word you wrote. We send our love – God Bless and be with all or you. Michelle
Hi Mrs. Nyman, its Joan Oh
I talked to Birgitta recently and told her that you and your family are in my prayers. Your faith in Christ truly amazes me Mrs. Nyman, it always has.
Margaret, Rest assured, we are bearing your burden. We are praising God for the sustaining grace that He has given you and your precious family. Soon, Nate will wake up in glory…and find he’s home. Kathy
Holding you in prayer, trusting that His grace will be flowing through you.
Tish