Today was a holy day as Nate stepped out of this world and into the next. The members of our family (as well as Mary and several Hospice staff) had kept a vigil around Nate’s bed for three days, not leaving him alone for a minute. The nurses had helped us learn how to manage his pain with helpful drugs. Pancreatic cancer is one of the most painful cancers that exists. We learned to read Nate’s body language carefully, even while he was unconscious, watching for signs of discomfort and anguish. If he paddled his feet, pinched his shoulders together, furrowed his brow or shifted in his sleep we knew he was struggling and needed help.
Yesterday morning Nate hit a new low. He was in tremendous pain, which yanked the rest of us into it with him. A nurse guided us by phone on how to escalate the meds, finally arriving in person to help us. Nothing we did seemed to settle him. The combination of drugs had gotten complicated, and we were keeping a desktop record of what we gave him, when we did it and a schedule of next doses, but even with that it was becoming more and more difficult to keep everything straight. When the drugs weren’t “getting” his pain, we were devastated.
Hospice offered to send a nurse who would stay with us through the evening and overnight. Her main function would be to manage the complicated medicine, although she would also be there to help if he passed away on her watch. We gratefully agreed.
By 5:00 pm yesterday, Nate’s pain began to subside. The added pain patches wouldn’t kick in until morning, but the increased morphine worked its magic, and he began to settle. We learned later that the orange-sized tumor in his lung had ruptured during this time, causing tremendous pain he could not tell us about in words. Later that evening fresh blood would flow from his nose, and brown fluid would spill from his mouth. Both seemed mysterious at the time, but later the puzzle pieces fit together, when the rupture was identified. From that point on, he was breathing with one lung.
Nate could no longer talk to us with his voice but spoke volumes with small facial expressions we carefully looked for. All 11 of us squeezed around the bed in his tiny room to express love, each one taking a turn with their father/father-in-law. Tears flowed and great things were accomplished. Gratitude poured from the hearts and mouths of each person. I, too, spoke love and thanks to Nate. We repeated Scripture to him, sure of his hearing. Mary and I sang all three verses of his favorite hymn: Blessed Assurance.
Nurse Sonia arrived at 6:00 pm and made an assessment of his condition, concluding he probably wouldn’t live til midnight. We braced ourselves and spent every minute with him. His makeshift bedroom was filled: the hospital bed, the big oxygen-making machine, extra oxygen tanks, a desk covered with medical supplies and as many chairs and stools as could be wedged around the bed.
At about 10:00 pm it looked like he was slipping away. His breathing became more shallow, each one spaced far from the next. He was in a deep unconscious state but was, at long last, resting without any signs of pain or even discomfort. His hand was relaxed as I held it. I sat on the edge of the bed and put his warm hand on my knee, a gesture very familiar to the two of us. For a flash it was just like old times, before pancreatic cancer.
I began singing quietly again, and Mary joined in. Nate, a non-musical person (except for Elvis Presley songs), had often mentioned his favorite hymns: “Blessed Assurance”, “Fairest Lord Jesus” and “A Mighty Fortress”. We sang them all, and gradually each of the kids drifted back into the room, lit by a dim green lamp. Some of us were softly crying. We quoted Nate’s favorite Scripture passage, Hebrews 12:1-3, about running life’s race. I told him, nose to nose, that his race was almost over, and he was close to the finish line. He was worn out and would soon be able to rest. We told him how proud we were of him in his running and his strong perseverance.
Despite the click-click of an oxygen machine, the little room became a sanctuary of worship. We lovingly spoke to him, caressed him, loved him. I talked right into his ear and said, “The Bible tells us an angel will escort you to Jesus. Do you see the angel yet? Its time to stop running. Just walk into heaven. No more pain. No more work pressures. No more trouble. You can leave us any time now. You’re ready to go, and we are ready to let you go.”
These words were difficult to say, but God kept my voice strong despite tears plopping on his t-shirt. The kids moved forward and said more nourishing things to their dad. Many of them broke into spontaneous prayer. The Holy Spirit was hovering over our little group, working his wonders in every heart and mind.
Finally we were quiet, listening to Nate’s erratic breathing, focusing on his face, waiting for the end. Every so often the nurse would move through our ring of protection to take his blood pressure or listen to his heart. “Not long now,” she’d say, slipping quietly into the background again.
Minutes passed, then an hour. Nate’s breathing didn’t change. Sonia was replaced with Dee at 11:30 pm, and as she stepped into the room to make her own assessment of Nate, our kids began easing out of the room. They stoked the living room fire and settled into chairs, talking quietly, waiting, until they drifted into sleep. No one wanted to move too far away.
Mary and I settled into our sleeping chairs on either end of Nate’s bed for the third night of watching over him. Dee stayed close, too, and we grew to love her tender care of him through the night. Once I opened my bleary eyes and saw her reading my Bible in the dim green light, sitting in the corner on an 18” stool.
When morning came, Nate’s blood pressure was 63 over 38, unchanged from the evening before, but his heart had weakened significantly, beating irregularly and “far away” as Nurse Dee put it. We continued to wait. Dawn came. Coffee was made. The little ones began their chatter, and life moved forward one more step. Dee shook her head in amazement as she listened to Nate’s heart.
“I can barely hear it at all,” she said. “He’s keeping himself alive by sheer will power.”
“He has a special heart for those whose husband/father has abandoned them,” I told her, “and he’s trying not to abandon us.”
“Better release him again,” she said.
Nate has always been a list-maker, so I made an audio list for him, coming close to his face. “Your taxes are paid. You have provided for me with life insurance. You have put my name on your bank account. You have completed your cards for the kids. Your children and your two brothers-in-law are going to take care of me. Your clients all send their love. Your business is being cared for.”
I listed every specific detail I could think of and then said, “And now its time for you to leave these things behind and go. I’m going to say goodbye now, and I’ll see you later. You’re so blessed to be going to heaven now. You’ll actually get to meet and talk to Jesus! I’ll be right behind you, and when I get there, I know you’ll welcome me.”
I kept one hand on his chest which was moving up and down ever so slightly with an occasional deeper breath. But he chose not to “go”. By 6:00 pm, although he had no pulse, he was still breathing. In the rest of the house, life kept happening. Two people left to pick up Chinese food. Two more walked Jack. Someone else took the little ones to the playground. Animated conversations were in progress.
Mary and I based at Nate’s bedside, marveling at how he continued to cling to life. Dee had used the word “rare” in reference to him being a pancreatic cancer patient able to hang on so long. She also told us it was unusual for pancreatic cases to die without intense pain, yet Nate’s face was peaceful and smooth. Dee said, “As I studied him during the night, it looked like he was getting younger and younger.”
We told her of all the prayer that was going up to God on this specific issue, a peaceful passing. She nodded like a woman who knew all about it.
At 7:20 pm, Dee was long gone, and we were wondering if we should call for another night nurse to help us. Mary said, “Well, go get your plate of food. I’ll watch.” But I hadn’t been in the kitchen 20 seconds when she came running. “You better come. It’s happening,” she said,” and I dropped my plate and ran. The kids set their plates aside and followed.
Putting one hand on his chest and one on his face, I felt him take three more slow breaths as I spoke my goodbyes and I-love-you’s into his ear, and he died. Our beloved husband and dad had finished his race. And he was healed of pancreatic cancer.
Passing the box of tissue back and forth across the bed, we all wept freely. I continued to hold onto Nate, caressing the arm, hand and face of the person I loved so much. But he began to cool off immediately. His face and lips turned ashen beneath the yellowed skin of liver failure. Within minutes his body was stiff and cold. The real man had departed, and it was obvious to all of us.
We stayed in our little womb-room and talked of how Nate had not so much died as been born to eternal life. The kids surmised about what he was doing “right now.” Through tears we smiled. And we prayed together, trusting God’s Word to be true and claiming every promise about heaven.
Nelson quickly stepped into his father’s shoes, calling Hospice and then the funeral home. Within a few minutes a nurse arrived with her stethoscope, listening to Nate’s heart for the full legal 60 seconds before pronouncing him dead. But one look at his body could have made that pronouncement.
The funeral director and his assistant arrived and wrapped his body in the sheets from the bed and simply carried him out of the house. I told all the kids not to look as they walked by, but I had to see. One man held him at the shoulders, one at the hips. His legs stuck straight out as if he was still lying in the bed. How quickly our “shells” become useless baggage once the God of life and death removes the real us.
After they’d gone, I said, “Now. What would Papa want us to do next?”
Several of the kids answered in unison, “Eat our Chinese dinner.”
And so we did.
“We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long to put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing. Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord.” (2 Corinthians 5:2 & 8 )
“Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints.” (Psalm 116:15)
God bless you. Nate is healed! Praise God. Now I will pray that he heals your hearts.
So many mixed emotions right now…so very sorry for your loss…but also VERY happy for Nate. None of us can even imagine what joy he must have right now! What a testimony you, Nate, and your entire family, have been to so many hundreds of people! You and your entire family will be in our prayers during this difficult time. Thank you for sharing these last couple months with all of us. In Christ, Scott & Missy
Our prayers are with your entire family! Nate has given you all a great gift. Not only was he a wonderful father, but he has given you the gift of the knowlege that you will see him again some day! The promise of heaven is ever more precious when a dear one enters in. We love you all and will continue to pray for the peace that passes all understanding,
God bless you all. I have adored your family since we met 29+ years ago. I pray for you all to be at peace.
Love always,
Katie (Marrs) King
You are a very strong family and i feel like i know your depth in God. Thank you Louisa for sharing your fathers life with me and letting me pray for him. I am glad he is out of pain and is with our father. I will continue to pray for you and your family. May god bless RICK
What a beautiful testament to our Lord’s tender mercy! Nate has been completely healed and restored. May God be with you and wipe away your tears and minister His love and grace to you as you say goodbye to your precious husband and friend, Nate.
Love to all of you,
Cheryl
Thank you for sharing your feelings during the past several, extraordinarily difficult, weeks. We understand that you are now comforted, even as you grieve for Nate. Nate, whom all of us who worked with him, among many others, will miss. He was a good man.
Bob Lehrer and Sheri Rothenberg.
Well done, good and faithful servant!
Nate is home, AMEN!!
Our prayers are with you all.
I am just trying to imagine his face and happiness when he met Jesus face to face. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. I will continue to pray for you and your family as you adjust to your new phase and season of life.
I can hear Nate singing now, “All is at rest, I in my Savior am happy and blest” No more Elvis songs for him, He’s telling his story and singing his own song, full of praise for his Savior. And we are all praising God and celebrating with Nate. What a beautiful way you shared with him the “finish line”. Prayers and blessings to you, MJ
Nate truly knew Jesus & both his life and death were a testimony to that fact. He will always be a part of your family, but just from a little farther away right now.
Sending love and prayers!
Rejoicing with Nate and his home going. Praying for you and the family. Knowing you will continue to be enveloped by our Father’s everladting arms..Never before has Psalm 23 been so real.
We are so very sorry that all of you and especially Nate, had to walk this painful road. God was glorified and personified through each of you and still is. We praise the Lord for releasing Nate from the pain and that you have your family surrounding you to comfort you during the absence of your lifelong best friend, companion, and husband. The list is endless. We are glad we had a chance to know Nate and look forward to spending endless time with him again some day. Thank you for taking the time to share you journey with us. Your courage has been inspirational to all of us who have watched from the sidelines while praying with much diligence. Much love and prayers from John and Terry
I will continue to keep you and all of your family in my prayers. You certainly gave Nate a wonderful send off. You are truly amazing.
He is probably having coffee with your Mom & Dad in heaven this morning.
Thank you, dear Margaret, for opening your heart and allowing us to join you in this holy journey. You and Nate have shown us how to live–and die–as an act of worship. May the Lord stand by your side and strengthen and sustain you by His grace in the hours and days ahead.
“. . . that you may tell the next generation that this is God, our God forever and ever. He will guide us beyond death” (Ps 48:13-14 ESV, marg. rendering).
May His grace and peace be yours this day through Christ our Lord, the Resurrection and the Life.
Our love and prayers continue to be stretched toward each of you as this new day starts. Thanking and praising God with you for the peaceful and holy ending of Nate’s race here, and his victorious celebration in the embrace of his Father. May you feel God’s closeness like never before in the days ahead. Much love – Aron
Love to you all, Margaret. Crying with you in your loss. Rejoicing in the HOPE we have because of Jesus!
What an amazing man Nate was and I am so happy for him that he is now walking and talking with the Lord.
My love and prayers are with you and your family as I can only imagine how much you will miss Nate’s daily earthly presence with you. To God be the Glory.
Well done, good and faithful servants! Lord Jesus, work Your glorious will in all their lives.
Margaret, how fitting we meet in your Arlington Heights prayer group this morning. I love you and your family.
Gratefully, tearfully singing thru Nate’s favorite hymns this morning, marveling at how “truly true” the words are that are now reality for him. Jesus is mine…no longer a foretaste but his present portion. No longer “watching and waiting”…but home. I in my Fairest Lord Jesus Savior…happy and blest…beyond our comprehension. God’s truth abideth still…His kingdom is forever. This trail of tears has a happy ending because of Him who endured.. the cross–hostility–, for the joy set before Him.
Even though one vigil is now over, I pray for God’s enduring grace to carry you through the other one which has now begun. “For now we see thru a glass dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I shall know fully just as I also have been fully known.”
May God reveal to each of you what a shining witness you have all been to His goodness and mercy, following you all the days of your lives, as you lovingly farewelled Nate into the House of the Lord forever.
What an incredible testimony of faith. You and your family have shown us all how to live and die with grace.
We can never choose our path but we can choose how we deal with our experiences and you have chosen well. Love and prayers to you for all the days ahead. Picturing Nate around the throne of grace!
Dear Nyman family,
Though we cannot grasp how difficult it has been to daily put into words the struggle of losing Nate, we want to thank you for your words over these past weeks —gospel words, honest words, words of faith in our living Savior.
All glory to God for the witness and encouragement you have been to all who have followed so closely the experience of your family during this time.
We mourn with you on this painful day/time of grief; yet we rejoice with you that Nate is with the Almighty and Risen Savior today!
With all our love and prayers.
Thank you for sharing how beautifully God answered the countless prayers for Nate, you, and your entire as he left this earth and his body to be with His Savior and Lord. We will be lifting your family in prayer during throughout the week, as preparations are made. May the “all sufficient grace” which Jesus promised continue to be your experience, as His power is perfected within each of you. 2 Cor 12:9 With love, Larry and Debbie
You are truly amazing and the Lord has given you his strength for Nate and your family. Mary your special angel and all of your wonderful family have such faith in the Lord that you were able to surround Nate with so much love and kindness that he was able to go in Peace and be with the our Lord in Heaven. We keep you all in our prayers and it is a blessing that you are able to write so beautifully that we could know all about this holy journey with Nate. We are going to miss him but know he will be with us with his great spirit and keeping watch over you and your wonderful family. When my Dad passed at age 70, this was very difficult for me and knowing his faith and our families faith we were able to be there for him and be strong as you have done so amazingly for Nate. At my dear Dad’s funeral, I sang one of my Dad’s favorite songs that he loved to hear me sing, “On Eagles Wings”. -Isaiah 40:31 But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shal mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.
You who dwell in the shelter of the Lord, Who abide in His shadow for life,
Say to the Lord, “My Refuge,
My Rock in Whom I trust.”
And He will raise you up on eagle’s wings, Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.
The snare of the fowler will never capture you, And famine will bring you no fear;Under His Wings your refuge,
His faithfulness your shield.
And He will raise you up on eagle’s wings, Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.
You need not fear the terror of the night, Nor the arrow that flies by day,
Though thousands fall about you,
Near you it shall not come.
And He will raise you up on eagle’s wings, Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.
For to His angels He’s given a command,
To guard you in all of your ways,
Upon their hands they will bear you up,
Lest you dash your foot against a stone.
And He will raise you up on eagle’s wings, Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.
Love and Blessings,
Debbie, Mike, Tom and Lisa
This blog is quite simply astonishing. The beauty of your prose, the pictures you have painted us, the composure, clarity and honesty of what you have written, the educative element (in terms of explaining the medical side), the spot-on scriptures, and beyond all these the love of God which threads through it all. It is awesome. Thank you. You have no idea how this has helped others many thousands of miles away. And God bless you all.
We are so sorry for your loss and sorry that Nate had to suffer. But we are grateful that his suffering is over and that his passing was completed with such love and peace and extraordinary care. Having done a bedside watch with my father 11 years ago, we know that that experience will have changed you and your loving children forever. What a gift that is to and from all of you, including Nat. You are an extraordinary family. We love you so much and pray for peace and strength and eventual healing of all your broken hearts. Love, Jane & Bob
Dear Nyman Family,
Your dear family and especially you Margaret has been used of God to remind so many of us what this life is all about. Our family is praying for yours.
Our prayers for strength and peace will continue! Nate got a welcome home part from Mitch! Thank you for sharing your story, it has touched several and witnessed to hundreds!
Praying for you and your family during this time. Thank you for showing the world your response to God’s gift of a loving marriage. Your words have been speaking God’s love into our souls. You have offered a tremendous example of surrendering our will to God’s. By God’s grace your words have called me to sit at our Lord’s feet and read the book of Philippians. Your words, like Paul’s a message of encouragement and joy in times of adversity. Your personal experience with living and dying has shown us to have the mind, knowledge and peace of Christ. Glory to God-Nate has pressed on towards his goal to receive the prize that God has called him heavenward to Christ Jesus!
God Bless You Margaret and Your family
I thank God for you Margaret and your strength – you have encourage me and I am sure others. You said one of Nate’s favorite songs was Blessed Assurance – The words “This my story this is my song – praising my savior all the day long” has shown how you and Nate have lived. Margret you and Nate have told your stories of your lives together until Nate’s passing and no matter what came your way you still praised your savior all the day long. I know you will continue your story with some great memories and keep praising your savior. God bless you Margaret and your family. Be encourage no matter what you are going through because God is with you.
Love from a friend and client of Nate’s
A time to be born and a time to die… You remind us that man knows not his time and I am challenged to run the race set before me with more focus and faith. Many verses come to mind but a great summary came from D L Moody, “Soon you’re going to read in the papers that Dwight Moody is dead. Don’t you believe it! I’ll be more alive than I’ve ever been before.”
Enjoy Heaven, Nate, we will see you soon. And our prayers and love stay with you and your family, Margaret, as you begin the next leg of your journey.
With love and prayers…
Nate will truly be missed. You and your family will be in our prayers.
Dear Margaret and Family: I am so sorry for your loss. After nearly 20 years of working with Nate, the speed of his passing is hard to comprehend. Your journal of his illness was incredibly touching and well done. It has helped greatly in this sad time. Nate was a wonderful man and I see now more clearly what a wonderful family he has. You are all an inspiration. I know your faith will get you through these trying days. Peace and best wishes to you all.
Mr. Nyman was incredibly kind and helpful to me and my husband at a time when we really needed someone to be in our corner. I recall how much he loved his family, which he mentioned several times during the course of our meetings. You are all in our prayers.
During the rehearsal last night for the Richmond (VA) Symphony chorus, we sang ‘Since by man came death’ from Handel’s Messiah – the wonderful chorus that goes on to give the wonderful promise “By Man came also the resurrection from the dead.”; and further “Even so in Christ shall all be made alive.” At the time we were singing those words, we thought of Nate and then read that it was about that time he went into the presence of the One who has made us alive together with Him through His death and resurrection. We will continue to lift all of you up in prayer.
Thank you for sharing this journey with us. We have all been partakers of your sorrow and now rejoice that he is with our Savior, Jesus Christ. May God’s comfort rest upon you in the days to come.
Lynn
Hymns and Scriptures keep flooding my mind. During our times of earthly loss, it is so wonderful to feel the Holy Spirit at work, within us. Jesus Is The same, Yesterday, Today, Forever!
Call me, anytime. Love & Hugs to you and Mary.
We are so sorry for your loss, but very grateful for the generosity you showed everyone in your writing. Nate was a wonderful person and we’ll always remember him fondly. Your caring and actions set a great example for us all. Please share our sympathies with all the kids. We’re thinking of you.
Love
Josh Orth and Sasha Evans
Nyman family,
I am so sorry for your loss. I learned so much from my 5 years working next to Nate. He was a joy to be around, and his laugh was absolutley intoxicating. Imagining his laugh still makes me smile.
Over the past weeks, I have spoken with dozens of Nate’s clients, and without exception they’ve expressed their sadness and their condolences. I’ve heard story after story of how Nate solved various problems and helped clients out of difficult situations.
May he rest in peace.
Rob
Thank you for using this incredible challenge in your life to bless and touch ours. God spoke to me through your words… and that is something I thank you and Him for. God bless.
We shed a tear or two reading your latest ‘blog’. However we rejoice that Nate is free of the cancer and pain. We will continue in prayer for you and your wonderful family. Thank you, Mary, for being such a super big sister. Margaret, your daily stories have enriched us. You have taken us down a very difficult path with such honesty, sprinkled with humor, and always with praises to the Lord for all that he has done for your dear family. God bless you.
While I personally regret the loss of Nate because I enjoyed his company so much when we got together with the family or in a business setting, I know he is in a better place and it is good that this awful struggle has ended.
As a business associate back in the 1980’s when he was in the apartment business, I remember him as one who consistantly conducted his business at the very highest level of integrity, something which is lacking today on the part of many people.
Dear Nyman Family, May the Lord’s peace be given to all of you at this time. I will continue to pray for all. Love
May the peace that passes all understanding be yours today. May the Grace, that Amazing Grace continue to flow into your lives, may the presence of the Holy Spirit rest upon your household. May you continue to look to Jesus the author and finisher of our faith for the strengh that only He can give. We shared your sorrow, we rejoice that Nate is with God, more alive today than ever, we will walk with you in the days ahead in prayer.
Margaret, there are no words that have not already been written to express my emotions at this time; feeling every heartbeat and sharing every tear shed, you, dear lady, are an incredible woman. Nate, from what I can see, was an incredible man and his legacy lives on in his children Your ‘miracle healing’ prayed for, has come..perhaps not in the form originally hoped, but God’s ways are so much higher than ours
and His ways, we cannot understand..but His Words are TRUTH…and His love neverending…and now..Nate, having experienced such a great love on earth is enjoying the source, and is totally at peace. You all are still in our prayers.
Wow, that was so moving. your strength and faith are amazing, and how lovely you were all there together as a family. Jesus truely was involved in this.
Dearest and most faithful Margaret… though I don’t know you personally, I admire you greatly, through reading your wonderful, yet heart-wrenching journal. Your children Hans and Nelson I do know, and precious Katy as well. But what I want to say is, I spent 30 years praying, hoping that my marriage would some day come close to resembling a love such as you and Nate have. But after those 30 years, my husband divorced me. That pain cannot be measured. But oh, the love you and your husband shared – simply put – what wisdom! I hope hundreds will read your story, and chose to love their spouses as you two exemplified. Your children are so blessed to have such a great inheritance!
May the Lord bring you peace and His love now as you’ve never known before. Blessings of comfort and love to all the Nymans.
How Jesus makes the few brief measures of our lives part of His great “Song of Salvation” is told through all eternity.
With love, tears of anguish and sorrow, and …Hallelujah!
Fellows and Jo-Nell
Through tears we’re rejoicing with you. May God wrap his arms around you and give you his peace as you think of Nate, well and whole, with the Lord, who loves you both so much.
To God be the glory great things He has done.Thanks for sharing the difficult journey-you have been a destemony to many.I hope and pray for the same measure of grace ahead with my husband’s battle with cancer.Thank you Lord that you more than enough for the days ahead for this precious family.Karin