Walking into a funeral home is never easy. Walking into one with your husband in the casket is excruciating. Although Nate always said I would one day bury him rather than him burying me, the picture of that never formed in my mind’s eye. Today I saw what that looked like and felt the pain of it.
After driving the 90 minutes from Michigan, several of us entered the room together. Not wanting to arrive at the front too soon, we lingered to read the cards attached to beautiful floral arrangements. Waiting for us at the end of that line was the casket with Nate lying in it, cold as ice and still as stone. As we approached, I could feel myself getting nervous, shaking as if a shaft of cold air had whooshed into the room.
I remember seeing my dad in his casket, looking as if he was taking a nap. Mom looked natural, too, outfitted in a silk dress like she was on her way to a party. Today Nate didn’t look good. Although I’ve always thought he was handsome, today he looked worn, like a warrior who’d fought a battle and lost. And of course he had. The angle of his chin and set of his mouth made him look like somebody else. Only by standing to the side and looking from the top of his head did he resemble my Nate.
But what did I expect? The cancer had eaten him up and he hadn’t looked good for several weeks. How would dying of a ravenous disease and being placed in a casket ever improve his appearance? Even so, something in me wanted him to look handsome for his public.
Once we’d done the hard work of “the viewing,” we turned from the dead to the living. Streams of people began entering the room to greet us, each one sharing comments and stories about Nate. I learned things I never knew about him, even after 40 years of marriage. I met some of his clients, all of whom expressed gratitude for Nate’s patience with them and the legal tutoring he’d provided along the way. Apparently he sometimes did more than that, too. One lawyer said, “When I started my practice, Nate gave me a check to help me get going.” I hadn’t known.
Others described his contribution to our former community as a police commissioner, and the police chief himself gifted us with a uniform patch “to put in the casket with him, if you want.” Nate had been a commissioner for 20 years and had been one of three who had hired the chief. He expressed his gratitude for the job and appreciation for the friendship that had developed with Nate.
I talked with some of his former Sunday School students and a few of his small group members. Many of our children’s pals were in line too, along with their parents, some of whom I’d never met. Friends of ours from 25 years ago were there, reminding me of the fun of those days long ago when we were raising young children together. The security guard from Nate’s office building told me how much she’d loved him and learned from him.
Both sets of parents of our children-in-law came to town for the weekend, one couple from Florida, the other from England. Suffering from jet lag after a long travel day today, they smiled and told me, “We wouldn’t have missed it for the world.”
A pattern emerged. Nate had made friends all along life’s way, even with lawyers who’d opposed him. When personal opinions differed, he somehow managed to set those aside and connect with people on a different level.
Several parents from our kids’ high school came through the line, as well as the school nurse and those leading the music program Birgitta had been in. The variety of greeters astounded me. We were still chatting with people 90 minutes after our allotted time at the funeral home, but the staff graciously let us use their facility until each person had been through the line.
Although my feet hurt and my stomach growled, it was nourishing to hear accolades and stories about my husband. Many of those in the receiving line had tears in their eyes when talking of how much they appreciated and missed Nate. Somehow hearing how he was loved made me feel loved, too.
Tomorrow will be another full day as we attend Nate’s funeral and then caravan to the cemetery. Although I dread the finality of burying his body, I eagerly look forward to talking with additional friends who will be there. Any friend of Nate’s is a friend of mine.
“Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other.” (1 John 4:7,9,11)
You will be in our hearts and thoughts all day today!
Greetings from Mom, Marianne too, she is with us this weekend.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you all today.
With love from all the Millses in Oxted-Katy’s aunt, uncle and cousins. xxxxxx
I wish that I had words of comfort, but I know that this is a time of deep grief where only God can truely comfort. You and your family will be covered in prayer by many today and in the weeks and months to come as you go through this valley.
There are no words that could tell you how much your loss has brought many closer to God. You have put in the face of many that there is only one safe way out of this world. Jesus Christ died for us and nate, through your efforts of this site reminds many of that fact. My heart will be in my prayers for your family today as you bury your husband.He probably is watching his own funeral, Proud of the life he lived and how the mechanics of heaven work, wanting you to be at peace. Rick Riggs
Dear Margaret and all: I am praying for you almost continuously today. I am so glad it is a sun-filled day – another gift from the Father who loves you so much. “The clouds will flame with golden sunlight, and He will come!” Maranatha!
Thinking of you all today with love.
We are thinking of you too…
Dear Margaret and family,
We are so sorry we could not be with you this weekend. We tried vereything possible, but still could not make it work. Know we love you all, and continue to keep you in our prayers.
In Christ, David and Sue Saul
Dear Margaret – The service today could not have been more wonderful. Nate would have loved it and been honored by it. Last month, I participated in the service for my oldest brother who, like Nate, had a very sudden and terminal bout with cancer (glioblasthoma). These situations are indeed eyeopeners on the brevity of life, and the importance of valuing each precious moment. What I find hard to fathom is how, seemingly in a twinkling of an eye, that neat 18-year old kid I first encountered in Russian class, now has departed this life. But what a grand departure! You and your terrific kids and kids-in-law have handled this so wonderfully. I suspect that you may already have watched “The Last Lecture” and perhaps read the book — the last lecture to his students by Dr. Randy Pausch, who was dying of pancreatic cancer at the time but full of spirit. If not, and if you have an hour to spare sometime, you might want to view it at http://www.thelastlecture.com. (The co-author of the book by the same title, Jeff Zaslow, recently also co-authored the biography of Capt. Sullenberger.) I have tried in vain to find your current address on the web, so let me just tell you here that you and your family are in our prayers and we wish all the best for all of you. My wife, who had three unbreakable appointments with our grandchildren today and could not be there, joins me in extending our deepest condolences. And, I think I may have to pluck “The Founding Father” off the bookshelf again and re-read it — I suspect that Nate, being the history buff he was, may have read it, since he seems to have raised his family in similar fashion! What a marvelous guy! Bill (and Linn) Owen
Dear Margaret-My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time. May you feel God’s arms around you, bringing you peace, comfort and courage in the days, weeks and months ahead. Love, Yvonne
Dearest Margaret….you have been magnificent! Throughout Nate’s illness, the long farewell of dying, the wake and the funeral. I know you were just being yourself–loving wife “until do us part”, faithful, hopeful, realistic, steadfast, tenacious, pouring yourself out for your husband, children and grands, family and friends–all the while grieving deeply for your beloved husband. You have done everything so well and so right. The service today was beautiful as we heard your wonderful children and in-laws speak of their dear dad who loved and raised them well. And Colin’s message was so appropriate.
You are exhausted. I pray that you will yield your broken heart and weary body to the rest and sleep you so desperately need.
“Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him for the help of His countenance.
The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime, and in the night His song shall be with me–a prayer to the God of my life.” Psalm 42:5, 8
You are dearly loved and my prayers continue…