We’re doing a great deal of reminiscing about Nate these days, especially in reference to the last couple of weeks of his life. The kids and I are still eating dinner in the living room in front of the fire, just like we used to do with Nate. Tonight we got to laughing about some of the silly moments God sprinkled among the sad ones.
Nelson remembered a phone call Nate made to him from our car as we were driving from Chicago back to Michigan. Nate was under the influence of several drugs at the time and spoke slowly, deliberately. He mixed up the names of the children as he made reference to them in his voice mail and chatted at length about miscellaneous details. Then he began thanking Nelson for all he’d done to help us.
“Thank you… sooo much… for… everything,” he said, repeating it three times. After a pause, he concluded the long message with, “In Jesus name, Amen. Goodbye.”
Linnea had been in the car at the time, and we caught each other’s gaze in the rear view mirror, giggling through our eyes. Nate never caught his mistake, and tonight we enjoyed remembering how he was in a near-prayer mindset that day, even when conversing on the phone.
A second silly situation happened the night before the day of Nate’s death. God saw the heaviness we all felt because of what was coming and knew we needed to laugh. Mary and I were keeping watch overnight for the third night in a row, Mary on a straight backed chair at Nate’s feet and me in a wing chair at his head. Those were the only spots to squeeze chairs into the room except for one little corner where our overnight nurse, Dee, sat on a short stool.
During that long night, all of us battled to stay awake, not wanting Nate to slip away without our attention and love. Mary gradually slumped to her side as sleep overtook her, and at one point she opened her eyes and saw Dee’s knee and leg right in front of her. She asked herself, “Is my head in Dee’s lap?” Mortified by the thought but too exhausted to do anything about it, she closed her eyes and told herself, “If I’m on top of Dee, it’s really comfortable.”
In reality she’d been on a pillow, but had she been in Dee’s lap, Dee would have been fine with that. Such was the nature of the tender-hearted Hospice nurses.
The last humorous episode occurred at a time when no one ought to be thinking funny thoughts. It was at Nate’s grave site at Rose Hill Cemetery. I was seated in the center chair immediately in front of the casket, sitting next to Linnea and holding a red rose.
After the pastor had finished his scriptural remarks and a prayer, the funeral director asked me if I wanted to put my rose on top of the casket before it went down. Of course I did, but I’d just realized one of my thigh-high nylons had lost its grip and was sliding down my leg. It was perched just beneath my knee, directly under my hem line, and when I stood up I knew it would go sliding to my ankle.
I turned to Linnea and said, “My nylon is at my knee and going down. What should I do?”
“Pull it up,” she whispered. But a row of people standing to the right would have seen that move. I would have had to reach under my skirt, grab the edge and reveal a full leg to the audience, right at that very sad time. Linnea and I did something absolutely incongruous for that moment. We giggled.
Feeling pressure to stand and put my rose on the casket, I pressed my knees together, hoping to pin the wayward nylon, and took a mini-step in that direction, laying my rose down and stepping back into my chair immediately.
As soon as the casket had been lowered into the grave, Linnea said, “You’d better get up, Mom. No one will leave until you do.”
I stood with my knees together and hobbled quickly to our mini-van, which was close by, catching the nylon’s plunge just as I stepped into the car. I’m sure the pastor, whom I didn’t stop to thank, figured my hasty exit was a response to overwhelming grief.
”A glad heart makes a cheerful face, but by sorrow of heart the spirit is crushed.” (Proverbs 15:13)
It’s great to be able to laugh in the midst of sadness.
Thank you for sharing!
I remember at the wake for my grandpa, my first close relative who died, when I was in high school. We kids were all nervous, not knowing how we were supposed to act at a visitation and funeral. We had been crying, but I ended up sharing a handkerchief with one of my siblings. All the sudden we realized how silly we looked – one at each end of the handkerchief and we started laughing. We hoped everyone thought we were sobbing, but I realized then how closely tears & laughter can be related.
There is no doubt in my mind that our loving Father gives us the gift of laughter to lighten the burden of grief. I remember when my great-grandmother died how the difficulty of the weeks leading up to her death had been so very heavy, but on the day of her funeral as we rode to the graveside someone put on a tape of a Christian comedian. I’m sure we looked pretty startling pulling into that cemetary, tumbling out of the van and shouting with laughter, but it was just what we needed. And I am absolutely certain GG would have approved!
Share this with your family
http://thegoodnessoflife.com/
Keep on laughing, family. One of God’s most powerful “vitamins”!
it’s time for celebrating nates life! I didnot know nate but i am sure your smiles amd giggles made him happy!!
My mother was always known for having tissues somewhere on her person at all times for whoever needed one. When I flew from warm Virginia to cold Ohio for her funeral, I realized that I needed to borrow one of her coats. I put it on, put my hands in the pockets – and sure enough – there was a good supply of tissues for my use. It was so funny – but that was just like my mom – making sure everyone had what they needed even after she was gone.
Martye
It’s the “funnies” of life that help us in our time of grief. Margaret, if this had happened to your Mom, I wonder what would have happened at the grave site?
I can only imagine…
I was standing just behind Linnea and saw the exchange between the two of you. I wondered what joy God had passed between the both of you at that moment. God has such a marvelous sense of humor and whole heartedly allows us to share in it and know his joy – especially at some of our greatest moments of need. Also, I’m sure Nate enjoyed it as well. He always did enjoy a good laugh!
I’m sorry, but this makes me giggle and remember Steel Magnolias… I’m sure your hair never resembled a football helmet. Your descriptive way of writing is a gift, and I wanted you to know that we remember our very brief encounter with your family fondly, and with admiration. Having read your blog, I can see our impressions were correct.
Regards,
Beth and Stefan de Wet (the photographer at Linnea’s wedding)
At the grave site of my Mom, and before the service had begun Becky goes over to the casket and opens it up!! She wanted to check to see if the flower she put on grandma was still there! After the shock most of us laughed.And many years later we still laugh at that. Who would have thought it was not bolted down, and only Beck would have gone over and opened it. She was 10.
I share in the thought of picturing what your mom would have done in your situation Margaret. I can just see her contortions while trying to harness that errant stocking. The beat goes on Margaret, this is how our wonderful God keeps loved ones and memories alive. Thank you for sharing your gift. You make us cry AND laugh
Thanks so much for the funny images! I feel as if our family has cried with you and now we can laugh with you as well!
The first time I heard about you was in 1980, from a bridesmaid at your wedding…who was nervous at being the first one down the aisle. Upon reaching the first of the many steps at Moody Bible church, she unwittingly stepped inside the hem of her long velvet gown. With each succeeding step up, she continued stepping inside the dress, till she got shorter and shorter. By the top step, she was on her knees inside her dress! Luckily, by this time her sister was heading down the aisle so all eyes were averted, as my friend began taking mini steps backwards, out of the dress, until she eventually regained her full height! I have been enjoying that story for 29 years….and now I see the family tradition continues……… Being able to find humor at “officially serious” moments!
It’s always a comfort to me to know that other people have ‘untimely’ funny things happen to them and make them smile, giggle or uproar laughter breaks out…yes, God truly has a sense of humor and blesses us with laughter in the midst of life’s storms. It truly is good medicine!I would saya to you’ when you’re feeling melacholy, blue, sad, even when you’re lonely, force yourself to be reminded of these things and go ahead and laugh!!
Dad and I have just read this with tears running down our faces and having a good laugh as I sa “oh this reminds me of Aunt Pat” How good our God is to provide humor in times of sorrow.