People might judge our family to have too keen a focus on Nate’s death, but those of us left behind love to talk about him. Whether it’s the decision about his headstone, the reliving of a memory or a reason to be thankful, all of us are warmed in the process.
Today on the one year anniversary of Nate’s death, nearly 100% of the conversation has been about him, beginning with my children and then through emails, blog comments and snail mail from others. I am a fortunate woman to have so many caring friends, some I’ve known only through cyber space.
Many included comforting Scriptures in their messasges. Nearly all have said they were praying for our family, which I’m sure is the reason it’s been a day of blessing rather than an endurance contest of misery.
One thing mentioned by the kids today is their fresh focus on eternity. We all wonder what’s going on in that supernatural paradise. What is Nate doing? What is he seeing? Who is he talking to? Although we’ve known others who’ve been there for years, it wasn’t until Nate died that we began to seriously ponder the possibilities. Thinking about heaven seems to calm grief the way salve soothes a raw wound.
Hans and Katy’s friend Esther took the time to copy Psalm 121 into her email, the first one I opened this morning:
“[The Lord] who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches… will neither slumber nor sleep. He will watch over your life. The Lord will watch over your coming and going, both now and forevermore.”
These powerful words of promise were a positive way to start the morning. Part of their impact was in knowing they also applied to Nate. I believe the phrase “watching over your coming and going” includes our entering this world, and later exiting from it. God carefully watched over Nate’s life between his “coming” at conception and his “going” at death, right into eternity on November 3, 2009. As Nate arrived there, it became another “coming” monitored by the Lord. Cancer was Satan’s awful idea, but God used it as the vehicle to transport Nate into blissful eternity.
Today all of our children checked in with me. They’re a precious lot, and I don’t deserve the tender kindness they’ve shown. Although we couldn’t all be together, we were one in heart and mind, which greatly enriched this significant milestone.
As the day ended, I went back to Psalm 121, looking it up in Nate’s Bible. Although he didn’t often mark on the words of Scripture, he’d underlined the verses about the Lord watching over him and over his coming and going. Seeing his wavy pen lines on the page made me smile and experience a brief connection to my man.
I needn’t have worried about this important day. In place of tears, God gave us joy… all of us. Especially Nate.
“Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and earth.” (Psalm 121:1-2)
I’m constantly reminded of how great God actually is whenever I read your blog. He clearly shows it by helping you through this last year and continuing to get you through all the rough moments. It’s so good that everyone feels like they can talk about Nate and remember all the great times they had growing up!
I’m behind on the blog sadly (but I am catching up!) and I just read the five parts of “The Marrying Kind.” It was so fun to read about the memories of getting engaged (and Grandma :))! I wanted it to go on longer!
Love you!
I am thankful there were thoughts of joy and blessing mixed in with the tears today. Your picture captures the mix–the picture of the guys is an image that has stayed with me all year, but I also have been reminded of those glorious golden leaves and the balmy November day, a glimpse of God’s blessing among such grief. Thank you for sharing your heart with all of us these past days. Love and prayers.
“In remembrance of Me” is often quoted as a motivating and focusing imperative in our walk with Jesus. Certainly your blog of remembrance of Nate over this past year has been an illustration about how rightfully gripping, compelling, and life commandeering “In remembrance of Me” is intended to be.
May peace like a river attend your way and may it be well with your soul.
In remembrance with loving kindness,
Jo-Nell and Fellows
Dear Margaret,
I rarely comment on the blog though I read it almost daily. I just want you to know that I too have been praying for you and your family throughout the day yesterday and today as you came upon this milestone. Thank you for sharing your journey with us all in such a transparent and God-glorifying way.
When we all get to Heaven,
What a day of rejoicing that will be.
When we all see Jesus,
We’ll sing and shout the Victory!
Hugs!
You and your family have been very much in my prayers and I am praising Him for how He has brought unexpected sweetness to your time of rememberance. May our Father continue to surprise you with joy and insight each time you return to these memories. Much love!
Margaret – Please feel free to keep the memories coming. When we were at Moody Church, we didn’t know you very well, and it has been a joy to experience you and Nate, and your wonderful family through your blog. Thank you for your transparency.
Jesus said: “where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Whenever we know that a loved one has moved away or that we will be traveling to a new place, we focus our attention on that destination. Your Nate was a dearly loved treasure to you and to many others. He is safe and pain free, as we shall also be in God’s time.
While reading and thinking of you and your family, the hymn “God be with you ’til we meet again” kept playing in my heart…what a lovely reunion it will be. May you be comforted by His unfailing love.
God Be With You
Jeremiah E. Rankin, 1828-1904
William G. Tomer, 1832-1896
God be with you till we meet again; By His counsels guide, uphold you,
With His sheep securely fold you; God be with you till we meet again.
God be with you till we meet again; Neath His wings protecting hide you;
Daily bread still provide you; God be with you till we meet again.
God be with you till we meet again; When life’s perils thick confound you;
Put His arms unfailing round you; God be with you till we meet again.
God be with you till we meet again; Keep love’s banner floating o’er you,
Strike death’s threatening wave before you; God be with you till we meet again.
Love and kisses dear Margaret.
Great post, Mom. One of your best. I’m constantly amazed at the way you don’t “numb” yourself to the pain of losing your husband. You just keep turning to Jesus and focusing on His promises. I keep thinking about our conversation with Nelson in the car on the way to the airport. So encouraging. I thank God all the time that you’re my mom. Love you.