In my first year as a widow, I took 11 trips, accumulating 17,000 frequent flyer miles and clocking 28,000 highway miles. I’m not sure how that happened, and traveling certainly hadn’t been my goal. My honest intention after Nate died was just to burrow in at home and think about whatever God put on my mind.
But when new babies come, grandmas go!
Although I did fly and drive to spend time with faraway friends and family, I didn’t do much locally. Last September was Nate’s and my first autumn living in Michigan, and we fully intended to begin putting roots down immediately. We wanted to serve in our new church and get better acquainted with our neighbors, thinking we might host a casual supper for everyone on our street.
But right then cancer hit, and we were forced to begin a completely different journey. We couldn’t go to church because of the severity of Nate’s illness, and our neighbors graciously gave us space and privacy (while somehow managing to put food on our doorstep).
After Nate died and my kids and grandkids returned to their regular lives, those in our neighborhood began stepping forward with loving invitations. “Would you come for dinner? Does the church concert interest you? Could you use the extra banquet ticket I have? Want to come for game night? join our book club? go out for pizza?”
These kind invitations came in between my unpacking and repacking sessions when I was craving time alone. Saying “no” to each request, I felt guilty and unfriendly. The one invitation I did accept turned into a debacle; I forgot to go. They were understanding, but I still feel badly about it.
Meeting new people, answering questions and trying to smile was nearly impossible in those early months. My insides ached, and no amount of “want-to” helped.
But today is a different day. Life is getting better. The ache, although still there, is less pronounced, and tears aren’t just beneath the surface anymore. So when my next-door-neighbor Linda invited me to her Bible study, I said “yes”.
This morning, about twenty of us gathered at a church five minutes away to learn from Hebrews 6. All ages were represented among the women, and our young leader did an exceptional job teaching us and then drawing thoughts from her students. She was a superb listener, incorporating every comment into her instruction.
As I sat with Hebrews on my lap, I sensed the room was full of biblically seasoned women from whom I could learn much. Quite a few of them were widows. We talked of our sure hope in Christ and of him being our anchor during rough times. We paused over the mention of Abraham, whom we see as running ahead of God’s promise, but who God saw as “waiting patiently.” (6:15) What a relief to know God has realistic expectations of us, without judging us as failures.
It was a joy to dig into God’s Word with these women today, and I’m looking forward to next week. Since the last 12 months were chuck-full of travel, maybe the next 12 will be dominated by stay-at-home time… including time to faithfully attend Bible study.
“All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true…” (2 Timothy 3:16a)
Margaret, I think if you had looked ahead to a whole year with that much travel, you might have been overwhelmed. It seems like it was a gift from God that he revealed a bit at a time — probably in part to help you get through your 1st year without Nate — which would have been overwhelming too, if you could have looked at the whole year in advance. (Hmm – sounds like one “overwhelming” helps you get through the other “overwhelming”. That’s a little weird, huh?) Anyway, it MAY be that you will have a little more “cocooning” this year — settling in, putting down some roots in your new home, spending lots of time with God and His creation. On the other hand, maybe NOT! God will let you know bit by bit in His time, I’m quite sure!!
God is faithful. He is never late and he is never early. He provides enough grace for us to go through each day. Sometimes the amount of His strength and grace varies second by second but it is always sufficient. He never lets us see too much of His “plan” and we can always handle what His “plan” is when we lean on Him. This has all been evident in your blog this past year and has been His teaching tool for many of us. “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.” My prayer for you today is that Jesus continues to light your way and keep your feet on solid ground, ever walking or running toward your expected end.
Amen to all the above, and it sounds like you’re off to a really good start in YOUR – new life. May blessings abound!