My Widow Warriors warned me it might be difficult to see Nate’s name on pieces of mail or worse yet, to bump into his handwriting by surprise. Because the mail still includes his name almost daily, that part hasn’t been hard. Today, though, I was flipping pages in an old journal, and suddenly there was his distinctive handwriting on a Post-It note.

I’d stapled a couple of grandbaby photos into my journal just after grandchild #2, Nicholas, had been born. Unbeknownst to me, Nate had added his own comment, which I hadn’t seen before. It wasn’t anything earthshaking, but being unexpected, it gave me a jolt. But contrary to what my friends had told me, seeing his writing warmed me inside, reminding me of the everyday relationship we once had.

His note said, “Dearest – We certainly have beautiful grandchildren! The Lord has blessed us. Love, Nate.”

These journal pages were from January, 2009, well before cancer. Nate’s Post-It was written during the height of tension over the non-sale of our house and our uncertain future. He was suffering through sleepless nights of worry, and in the midst of all that turmoil, God had sent a new baby.

Little Nicholas Nyman was the first Nyman in the new generation, and for a few days, his presence (and that of 5 month old Skylar) overruled the never-ending angst in other life categories. Nicholas’ birth date was particularly meaningful since Mary’s daughter, Johanna, gave birth on the same day. Hans and Jo, the same age, were “partner cousins,” growing up together and remaining fast friends to this day.

None of us had expected their babies to arrive simultaneously since the due dates were nearly a month apart. But Jo delivered late, and Katy delivered early, cousins having cousins. We called them our cross-Atlantic twins, since Nicholas was born in England. Because we missed much of his babyhood, we enjoyed looking at Jo’s little Ruby (living locally) and pictured Nicholas, mirrored in her size and development.

Nate appreciated the two grandchildren he’d met and the three he knew would arrive after he departed. Although he wasn’t a natural with babies, once we had our own, he participated 100%, changing as many diapers as I did and pacing just as many miles with a baby on his shoulder.

Before we had grandchildren he often said, “Once you get a grandchild, it’ll be heaven on earth for you.” He knew babies would bring abundant delight, and he got satisfaction just thinking about me being a grandma. As he contemplated his own death, surely it crossed his mind how brief his relationship was with the two grandchildren we had and how non-existent with the three that were on the way.

Yet even as he must have felt sad to be leaving them, I believe he was comforted to know these five little people would be bright spots in my world after he was gone. He was, I’m sure, hoping his absence wouldn’t be as difficult for me because of their presence.

How curious that I’m experiencing “heaven on earth” with five babies… and Nate is experiencing “heaven in heaven.” As much fun as I’m having, he’s probably having even more!

“Grandchildren are the crowning glory of the aged.” (Proverbs 17:6)