How do you celebrate a wedding anniversary with only half of a couple? Today, November 29, Nate and I would have been married 40 years, but we were short 26 days.
We met on a blind date back in 1966. Although it was winter in Chicago, I was wearing only underwear beneath my coat – risky attire for a good first impression. My girlfriend had promised to set me up with a good-looking college senior she knew (at a different school than mine). She called late one night, after I’d stuffed most of my wardrobe into the washer and was sitting in my flannels, reading on the bed. “We ran into Nate at the ice cream parlor,” she said, “and he wants to meet you…now!”
I complained about her poor timing but pulled on my navy “dress coat” and buttoned it up to the chin. As I met the man of my dreams, his first words were, “May I take your coat?” He asked three more times during the evening, but I resisted as we ate our chocolate sundaes.
My friend later told me I’d been unfriendly and cold. “You wouldn’t even let him take your coat.”
“Actually,” I said while unbuttoning, “here’s the reason.” She looked at my underwear and burst out laughing.
Forty years and seven children later, Nate had also learned the truth about our blind date. He never forgot it and always got nervous when he asked me, “May I take your coat?”
That funny beginning set the tone for our marriage. Even on serious days, there was always something to smile about. Today was no different. When I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was a note slipped under our bedroom door. Louisa had penned encouragement around a picture of the two of us. “I want to re-state what you always encouraged me with: ‘The Lord heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.’ (Psalm 147:3) Like you said, Mom, ‘It’s a promise!’ I miss Papa like crazy, too…” Smiling through tears, I felt a twinge of healing.
Just to be safe, though, I tucked several Kleenex between the pages of my Bible for tears during church and got ready for another difficult “first” without Nate. Much to my surprise, though, I never needed the Kleenex. Instead I sat in the service thinking of the great blessing of our 40 year marriage. Nate and I had only six weeks of warning before our earthly partnership ended, but what a tragedy it would be to dwell on the sadness of those 42 days rather than the fullness of the other 14,584.
Nate’s desire was to be with me today to celebrate our anniversary together, and if he’d had a choice, he wouldn’t have “left”. I remember him telling the Hospice aide, Lori, that our anniversary was coming. She asked how we usually celebrated, and he told her, “Dinner at a fancy restaurant for a big slab of prime rib.” She must have known by his condition he wouldn’t make it to November 29, so, unbeknownst to us, she went to work that day planning an anniversary surprise. But Nate surprised us first and went to heaven less than a week later.
The day after he died, Lori stopped by our house to pick up some Hospice things and give me a hug. She told me then that after she’d left us the week before, she’d contacted Nate’s favorite local restaurant telling them our story and asking if they would deliver two prime rib dinners with all the trimmings to our house the next week. The restaurant, never having delivered a meal anywhere but to their own dining room, agreed to do it, also volunteering to absorb the cost. The surprise was scheduled for that Friday, but Nate died on Tuesday. Just the thought of such kindness (Lori’s) and generosity (the restaurant’s) has been a blessing.
My best anniversary gift, however, came directly from God, in two parts. The first was his complete healing of Nate by taking him to heaven and releasing him from all his pain. The second was the promise he made to me during this morning’s worship service:
“I, the Lord, have called you in righteousness. I will take hold of your hand. I will keep you.” (Isaiah 42:6a)
What a beautiful tribute to Nate and to your 40 year marriage together. I bet he had prime rib, his favorite sides and dessert tonight on the Master Chef! I praise God for the joy that shines in you, Margaret, in spite of all you have been through so recently. Your light continues to shine brightly and I believe with all of my heart that the promise god gave you today will be kept and multiplied in you over and over again in the days and weeks and months and years ahead!
Thinking of you and celebrating your 40th Wedding Anniversary to Nate. Thank you for continuing to share your special gift of writing. It is a fun story about your blind date with Nate. We hope to see you soon to celebrate this very special Anniversary over the holidays. It was great to hear about your wonderful thanksgiving with your family and friends. Miss you alot and hope to talk soon! Love and Blessings, Debbie, Mike, Tom and Lisa
What a legacy you and Nate created for your precious children. Through many years of the ups and downs of life, you remained faithful to the Lord and to each other. May you continue to feel the comfort of the Lord moment by moment and the prayers of all those who continue to support you.
Your words are beautiful, Margaret, honoring to the Lord and to Nate. I also love to look at the pictures you embed in your writings.
I thought of your anniversary yesterday and sent an extra prayer for you as you remember and laugh and cry and mourn. I remember your wedding well. I also remember the joy of OUR 40th wedding anniversary party last year, when you two were there to share it with us. I consider it a great privilege to have you as my dear friends. Love, Boapie
My Margaret was telling me the other day about your “underwear only” first date with Nate. I had a hard time believing it was an accurate telling, but now I know the truth! I couldn’t have named her for a more wonderful mentor and family. She has your spark for life and fun. Once again, thank you for sharing!
“Like-Mother-like-Daughter” or is it “Like-Daughter-like-Mother. It reminds me of the story of “Aunt Pat” and her red-white-blue underwear in the ER.
Actually this is not about the underwear but it is your family’s amazing “can do” attitude that can immediately think outside the box and find ways to problem solve and accommodate and care for yourselves and minister to others. Not a bad legacy and a whole lot more interesting approach to life, eg 40 years of marriage to Nate.
Regards,
Fellows
Oh, Margaret, I can’t imagine the lonely, empty feeling in your heart as you experienced the 40th anniversary of your marriage without Nate. During the days of his cancer he must have thought often of leaving you so close to such a significant anniversary. Though he was not physically present with you on the 29th, the essence of who Nate was as your husband and the wonderful memories of his love and care for you must have been a comfort. “Because you have been my help, in the shadow of your wings I will rejoice.” Ps. 63:7 “You are my hiding place and my shield; I hope in your word.” Ps. 119:114
Another reference to Lisa Beamer: the day of Todd’s birthday she was feeling very sad and weepy. Her oldest son asked why she was crying, and she said that she was sad that Daddy wasn’t with them to celebrate his birthday. He replied as only a child would, “But can’t we still have cake?” Someday you will be able to have cake again. But for this day, the 40th, mourn your loss, joy will return later. “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” Ps. 30:5. Remembering and praying that you will be comforted, with love, Rebecca
How precious your words, and memories are greater. Loved your scripture; His word is TRUTH and He will do it. You were in my thoughts that day..may God continue to bless you and keep you.