Many of us saw a movie in 2008 called “Fireproof” about a couple whose marriage was falling apart. The husband was challenged to secretly do loving things for his wife for 40 days straight in an effort to warm their relationship. It was a good story based on biblical principles, and Nate and I enjoyed the movie. Several months later, bookstores showcased THE LOVE DARE, a book detailing the 40 days of love. Each chapter ended with a “dare” to do something kind for husband or wife.

Last December, I saw the book on sale and decided it might be fun to quietly do 40 days of good deeds for Nate as we started a new year. We weren’t having any marriage struggles at the time, but I bought the book, always wanting to make our marriage better.

I made THE LOVE DARE part of my daily devotional time and looked forward to seeing what each new “dare” would be. The first one was to “say nothing negative to your spouse” all day. That wasn’t difficult, and I checked it off with ease.

The second day instructed, “Do one unexpected gesture.” While Nate was on the train heading to work, I called his answering machine and thanked him for being willing to go to work on a nine degree morning, to battle it out for our benefit. I also thanked him for plunging a toilet before leaving and carrying six loads of dirty clothes to the laundry room. Journaling as the book suggests, I listed my phone call as the unexpected gesture but also the six things he did for me before 7:00 AM.

As the days ticked away, I completed each “dare” and learned new things about my husband. I learned he loved me far more unconditionally than I loved him, and I became increasingly thankful I was married to Nate.

As our moving date came closer and life picked up speed, I found it harder to get to THE LOVE DARE book. A month went by. Then two. Eventually I lost track of the book but figured I’d find it when we unpacked after the move. Four months went by but finally it surfaced. I wanted to continue, having seen interesting gains in our relationship, so began again on September 20 at about the half way point.

Two days later, we heard those words, “Pancreatic cancer, metastasized, inoperable, incurable.” And in the swirl of activity that followed, there wasn’t one minute to do any more “dares”.

Today I looked at the last “dare” I’d done for Nate. It was to spend focused time in prayer for him. On the journal page I wrote, “I enjoyed praying for Nate more than an hour this morning and am excited to watch for the Lord’s fresh activity in and around his life!”

The Scripture for that day was, “Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers.” (3 John 2)

To read that now makes me ache. But the events that unfolded after my hour of prayer for Nate were so unusual, I can’t view them as anything but God’s doing. As I’d requested in prayer that day, I did get to see “the Lord’s fresh activity in and around his life.” It just looked wildly different than I’d envisioned, and it was contrary to what I’d wanted. But God isn’t predictable and doesn’t do our bidding. We know only what’s in front of us. He looks over our heads and sees the distant future and all the good that will be part of that.

I regret not finishing THE LOVE DARE. Between January and November, I had plenty of time to complete 40 days of “dares”. Had I known Nate’s life would come to a screeching halt on November 3, I’d have been more diligent about getting through the book, but I thought I had all the time in the world.

The achy verse from 3 John actually had it right. Nate’s soul is indeed prospering (understatement!), and he is definitely in good health!

“Therefore I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they will be granted you.” (Mark 11:24)