After being with Dad, Mom and Nate as their lives wound down, I’ve learned people on pain meds are not themselves. Trying to have a conversation with a heavily drugged person gives meaning to the word “hallucinogen.”
All of us wonder what we’ll say in our final days. Dad remained dignified, and Nate, who always had much to say, was accurate and gracious to the end.
But Mom? Absolutely goofy. Her colorful statements were so entertaining, we kept a log. She’d been a one-woman-show during her non-medicated life, and her words while drugged (for pain) stayed in line with her character.
Get ready to laugh.
- Chewing on the hem of her hospital gown she said, “This tastes good, and I like the color. It’s also very nourishing.”
- To a grandson: “Let’s play funeral. I’ll be the corpse. You be the soloist.”
- To a sweet visitor: “I can’t wait to get rid of you.”
- “The most important thing is my conversation with God. He talks out of the Bible, and I talk back.”
- To me: “Let’s both get in the same bed and start a riot about same sex marriage.”
- It’d be nice to see my apartment again, but I guess I’d rather go to heaven. I’ll wave down at you.”
- Looking at our wrinkles: “Do I have strings all up and down my face? Because both Mary and Margaret do.”
- To a nurse removing her dinner: “Save that food tray. When I’m in heaven, if the Lord decides not to return to Earth, I’ll have something to feed him.”
- “Maybe I’ll go to bed now.” We said, “You’re already in bed.” Then she said, “Boy, that was easy.”
- Son Tom asked: “How do you feel?” She said, “With my hands. How do you feel?”
- After restlessly working both legs out from under the sheets, she began laughing hysterically. We said, “What’s so funny?” She sputtered, “My beautiful legs!”
- To me: “I wish you a Happy New Year and that you’ll get prettier.”
- “If I can do anything for you, let me know. I can only do things in my miserable way, but I am the way, the truth and the life.”
- “It’s nice when parents are just starting out and know that ‘Jesus loves their little children.’ That helps when they don’t know anything.”
- “Maybe I should change my mind about going to heaven tonight. There’s lots of happy people here, too.”
- “I served 10 salmon. Put the rest over there. It’s brain food. It’s ok, but not great.”
- “When I die, just drown the [pet] bird and throw him in the toilet.”
- Pushing an invisible item around the end of the bed with her foot: “I’m trying to get that muffin over into the corner.”
- A friend called and said, “Who’s there with you?” She said, “Just Mary and Margaret, if you call them visitors. It’s more like a zoo.”
- “Today I’m better. I have happiness running out of my lips.”
- To a visitor: “I’m going to throw up any minute…on you.”
- Fingering her hospital gown: “I’m going to send this to Joyce. She likes blue and can wallpaper a room with it.”
- “If I ever wrote a book, it would be about the magnificent mercy of God.”
These are just a few from 26 pages of Mom’s colorful statements. She spoke often of her approaching death but never with uncertainty or fear. One of her last statements while “under the influence” was, “Some stumble, some fall, but if we love Jesus Christ, we all eventually get home.”
She got home 19 days later… but forgot to take her salmon.
“We would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord.” (2 Corinthians 5:8)
What a wonderful lady! I wish I would have known her!!
Your mother was hilarious. What a great idea to write her comments down. Laughed and loved it!!
How blessed you were to have had her for your mother! Loved this blog tonight.
Margaret, your blog popped up on my email just as I was about to click off. Oh, how I love reading your mother’s humorous comments and wise words! She was uninhibited and it was so natural for her to say these things. One of the last times she ate in the dining room at Brandell (before she became too weak to go), she insisted that I share her meal. She asked one of the nursing assistants to bring me a fork and a bib, and together we ate off of the same plate, laughing with every bite. She told everyone that I was both her pastor’s wife and adopted daughter.
Another time I was visiting Evelyn in her apartment at Covenant Village. We noticed a very long line of ants that stretched behind her chair into a closet and into a waste basket where one of her grandsons had thrown a pop can. She was relieved to see this, as she said, “I thought they were coming for me!” I cleaned out the wastebasket, sprayed the ants and then vacuumed them. She thanked me over and over again, saying, “I can’t believe you would do this for me.”
I really loved her just as if she were my mother, too. Thanks for sharing her with me and so many others. Love you, Rebecca
Oh the simple truth…if we love Jesus, we all eventually get home; I love that.
Her second to last statement really made me laugh because there was some sort of sense in it…Aunt Joyce did wallpaper a room using sheets.
After my Grammy had her stroke she was convinced Ralph Nader was under her bed….guess she felt she needed an advocate : )
She was such a humorous person. She gave me many good laughs over the years. Even now I laughed so much I cried! So great that you took notes, it’s so easy to forget. Loved her lots 🙂
Thank you for sharing!
Good morning, Margaret – I just got the opportunity to read this blog – and it put a smile on my face!! I can just hear your mom saying these things. Good timing for posting about your mom as Mother’s Day is right around the corner. I vote that you keep those 26 pages of funny things she said handy and share a few more each week – just so we can giggle along with you!! Happy Mother’s Day!
Oh, please do share more every so often. That’s a good idea!
Aunt Pat a wonderful Mom, Grandma, Aunt and Friend to many besides her family. How wonderful that God allowed her to keep her humor whether drug induced or otherwise until the end. Thanks for the smile you have put on my face today:)
Out of the abundance of the heart – and your mom had an abundant heart. You have no idea how I needed this today.
I miss Aunt Pat!! The Lord often brings her to mind when I’m struggling with a bad attitude. Thoughts of her helps me look upwards.
Aunt Pat was a sweet Godly women always ready with words of wisdom and a grin on her face. She radiated and it was a pleasure to have known her.
Your mom made this earth a much happier place. I love the photo of her here! She was truly unique, in a world full of hateful and bitter people. We can all take a lesson from her and smile more, love more and live life to it’s fullest!
I wish I could of met Evelyn one time more than I did… since the only time I did was when you were in Sweden in 1992 and I was just 4 years old and remember a old lady who didn’t speak my languages 😛
Thanks for sharing 🙂
Your mother sounds like quite a character who was fun to know and be around. So glad you took the time to write down her antics and anedotes. She sounds like a perfect example of life is too short to be serious all the time and to do something out of the ordinary.
Grandma J! She’s still making us laugh.
I have heard so many wonderful things about your mother and am so sorry I didn’t get to know her. I sense that you are a lot like her and I’m glad that I know you!!
Margaret – Your Mom is hilarious. I’m so glad you wrote those things down because even when she was on pain meds she still radiated herself and what she believed. She was just more honest about it (I loved when she told someone she was going to throw up on them, and she told another one to leave). A few weeks before my Dad died he just knew he was in a war and he had to get to the other side of the river. I asked him who he was fighting against and got into his reality for awhile. Post some more of Aunt Evelynisms…
Love…Nancy kaye
I’m sure your mom is adding hilarity to heaven and is delighted that she can still make us laugh here. What a special, caring aunt she was to me!
I’m not really anonymous.
Aunt Pat was one of my favorite people EVER!!!!!
What a great picture of your mom! That says it all. I’m so thankful that I knew her.
I’m not really anonymous either — Ruth Dinwiddie
I miss Grandma J and her phenomenal sense of humor! I would love to read the rest of the things she said in those days. She always had something up her sleeve or something funny to say 🙂
What a beautiful tribute to your mom; I loved meeting her – even tho so briefly at Adam and Linni’s wedding; it’s Joy to the soul to KNOW – we’ll live in eternity together…with the tribe of ‘LAUGH A LOT’
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY – Margaret!!
How fortunate you are to have had your life enlivened by a mother with a fun personality! All my relatives – and myself and husband – are all very serious and sober – good-hearted folks who loved Jesus, but not what you would call “fun”. A couple had the gift of a positive attitude and enthusiasm – what a delight that was. It’s good to “look for the gold” in those who are or have been precious to you.
Hilarious!! What a wonderful idea to write all of that down so that you can enjoy happy memories of her last days. My mom said some pretty funny stuff, too, when she was on pain meds after her mastectomies, but I was too drugged myself (on magnesium sulfate for preterm labor) to even think of recording them. 🙂