Tension escalated in gym class when the PE teacher picked two captains and asked them to select their teams. Some kids waved their arms, shouting “Pick me! Pick me!” The rest of us stood in a lump of wanna-be-picked, wearing the best expression of pleading we could muster. No one doubted the physically coordinated would be chosen first, but once they were in place behind their captains, those of us who were left felt our palms begin to sweat and our egos begin to bruise.
Being left until the very end, the last-man-standing, was about as humiliating as it could get for a young school kid. We all wanted to be picked before it came to that. Anything but that!
But what if we’re picked for something we don’t want? When Nate and I first learned about his cancer, it took a few days for the harsh truth to sink in. We were stunned, saddened, shocked. We went home and googled for facts about the disease and immediately thereafter began treatment.
Hearing it, researching it, treating it. Boom, boom, boom.
While we were focused on jumping through those hoops of misery, Nate received a letter from a close friend: “We love you and want to encourage you during these difficult days. At the same time, we know the Lord makes no mistakes. Nate, it’s hard for me to say this, but I feel he has selected you to be his testimony to many…”
Selected. Chosen. Picked… to experience terminal pancreatic cancer. None of us wants to be singled out for this team. All of us would rather be the last-man-standing.
His letter knocked us flat, but as we talked about Nate’s friend’s words, it dawned on us he was probably right. God doesn’t afflict people with diseases just for the fun of it. There’s only one reason he would allow such anguish to take over a life and eventually take that life, and it would be to bring about something valuable as a result.
The more I think about the letter and the author’s statement that Nate was “selected” to suffer cancer and die as an example to many, the more I’m amazed at God. He chose Nate, and he chose well, because Nate was an excellent example of how to live through affliction. He didn’t fall apart even when he knew death was near. There was no railing against God, no angry “why me?” and no giving way to despair. He was a superb model of how to suffer and die, and he finished well.
The letter continued: “You can be God’s testimony to our and your children, those you work with, and Sunday school kids you have taught. We are praying your testimony will honor the Lord, even when you are weak and in pain.”
That friend’s prayers were answered. Nate never thought of himself as an example while he was busy tackling one day at a time, but already we’ve seen good things happen as a result of his life and death. People have been encouraged to persevere through their own conflicts and struggles, citing him as the oomph behind their willingness to keep trying. Some have begun the difficult process of pondering their own mortality. Others have taken a new look at God and his ways.
Nate’s being chosen to suffer in front of the rest of us as an example was, in a way, a privilege. That’s because the Lord considered him able to handle it. And because Nate accepted it as God’s will and took on the challenge with courage, the cancer’s power to devastate and destroy was negated. I’m sure the enemy’s anger was fierce as Nate’s foundation didn’t wobble under the worst possible stress. And the credit for that goes to God,who had prepared him ahead of time by setting his feet firmly on the Rock.
“[The Lord] set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord.” (Psalm 40:2b-3)
I like the picture of Tom, Nate and Hans!! It’s great that you toke pics during Nate’s last time here on the earth too..
Love, Malin
There aren’t always comments to make, Margaret as you share. But the truths go deep and continue to bring the fruit God meant for them to bring. Keep up sharing and your friends and family’s love and prayers and pride in you and what God has done in your life continue.
Margaret – what you wrote today I’ve said to cancer patients at our church – only you said it WAY better! I’m sharing your blog today with those I know who are on a cancer journey so they can be encouraged by your words.
You and Nate have been an encouraging testimony of walking with the Lord and in His mysterious ways of doing things. May the Lord give the same amount of diligent perseverance, grace and strength to each one who reads your blog, as He has with both of you.
Marnie,
You are so right. The prayers of this author were answered. Nate was a superb model to all of us “kids.” His testimony not only brought honor to the Lord, but brought us closer to the Lord as well.
We thank God for your family & for your friendship. Thanks again for your honest & powerful words.
Marni,
Not only was Nate selected, but you were too. God knew that you would be able to handle this tremendous loss because of your faith in Him. Nate was an amazing example of courage and an unshakeable faith while looking at the face of death, and you are an example of finding your refuge and strength in the Lord. Thankyou, thankyou for posting.
Love you,
Julia