Who am I?

Marriage is biblically described as two-becoming-one. A simple visual might be a husband and wife sharing one umbrella, huddled close, clutching the handle together. The two are together inside the one.

Widowhood is a loss of that oneness, which necessitates standing alone beneath the umbrella. That has a familiar feel to it, since independence was the starting point for all of us, but standing alone in widowhood, our umbrella isn’t as straight as it used to be. It flops side-to-side, and after managing it alone for a while, it gets very heavy.

Those of us who were married for decades find ourselves wondering what’s going to happen next. Some hurry into a second marriage, feeling lonely and uncomfortable with the mantle of singleness. Others try to turn back the clock hoping to remake youth’s decisions: a new job, new hairdo, new wardrobe.

A few risk their savings on precarious ventures in a quest for the money husbands once provided. A small number hurt so badly they burrow into widowhood as a permanent identity.

When I became a widow, wise advisers told me not to make any changes for a year. “Don’t move back to Chicago. Don’t give away Nate’s clothes. Don’t join anything. Don’t quit anything. Don’t even rearrange your furniture.”

But we widows find ourselves yearning for a revised life-purpose while still in that recommended holding pattern of preventing change. Eventually, though, the “don’ts” must morph into “do’s”. Although earthly life ended for our men when they died, it didn’t end for us, and none of us should be fooled into thinking we can stay in a partnership that is no more.

As always, we should ask God what to do next. He has a fresh start ready for each of us, a positive purpose for our remaining years, something separate from our marriages. Half-plus-half made one marriage whole, but we’re now half minus half, which is not a marriage at all. None of us wants to continue as half-a-person.

Opening ourselves to a fresh start might seem scary because we love the familiar, but our familiar is gone. Even as I work at writing a book for the first time, I fight nervousness, because the process is unknown and untried. But God brought the opportunity after I asked “what’s next?”, so with confidence in him, I started.

None of us will ever stop missing our other halves. No new beginning can delete what we had, but living inside old memories means missing out on God’s next. Willingly walking with him into the worrisome unknown might even find us closing our umbrellas, because one day we’re going to realize the sun is out, and it’s shining brighter than ever.

“I have a lot more to tell you, things you never knew existed. This is new, brand-new, something you’d never guess or dream up. When you hear this you won’t be able to say, ‘I knew that all along.’ “ (Isaiah 48:6,7, The Message)

 

9 thoughts on “Who am I?

  1. Oh how I appreciate today’s entry. I’m an eighty five year old fairly new widow. Your writing today continues to help me move on to my next chapter in life. With God’s help we all will carry on. Even with children not physically close I feel their presence every day. Thank you.

  2. Beautifully written, and illustrated.
    Eleven more days, and it will be two years that Jim has been in Heaven, with his Lord and Savior.

  3. Of course you are anxious and probably a little fearful so I share with you an excerpt from my devotion today: Fear, along with every other emotion, is a God-given aspect of being human, of being created as God’s image bearers. We can choose to place our emotioal experiences within the embrace of our faithful God – place our hearts in God’s hands. He will frame our response to them as encompassed in His truth and love and sovereignty.

  4. So very eloquently stated! When God becomes our ‘partner’ in lieu of the one He called home…..the adventure of life just gets better; the present is a gift..to open, enjoy, treasure, share and sometimes full of pleasant surprises…from God. He never quits ‘courting’ us…or loving us and marriage to Him…will last an eternity.

  5. Wow, that’s is exactly where I am.Half of a whole and not know ing how to find my new other half (purpose) thanks

  6. Jesus said “I will never leave you nor forsake you” – so I know he is beside you – behind you – beneath you – above you – and working through you.

  7. So true for all areas of life. I left corporate work after 35 years and am now attending college to complete my education and hopefully gain a certification to do counseling. Every new thing leaves behind the old. But we all press forward with our Lord and his strength to the new and exciting. You are such a blessing and I needed to read this today especially. May God continue to bless you and use you as you share!