From the day we learned of Nate’s pancreatic cancer, I’ve kept a small pink book near me. I taped four makeshift tabs to the edges of four pages, dividing the book into sections marked VERSES, GIFTS, EMAILS and CHARITIES. As notes and cards began arriving in our mailbox, I wanted to keep track.
Many of the cards, for example, contained Scripture VERSES. People had chosen a specific card to send, with specific verses, and as our days picked up speed, I wanted to go back and study each passage, anxious to receive whatever message the Lord wanted us to have.
Because of the astounding, loving response of so many people, I found it impossible to keep up. After several pages of writing references next to names, I had to let go of the project for later. I’m quickly approaching “later” and am eagerly looking forward to going through that process in the new year. Although Nate isn’t here to share in the comfort and benefit of this task, I know it will be a blessing anyway.
As for the EMAIL section of the book, my plan was to pluck certain sentences from inbox messages to save, the ones that seemed to pop from the screen with power. Over and over again people would write words of rich wisdom I didn’t want to forget. My desire was to cut and paste these electronic gems, then print them out for taping on the pages in my pink book. After reading emails aloud to Nate each evening while he listened from his prone position on the bed, I asked our younger girls to print them all out, one by one, so I could re-read everything and highlight the good stuff.
When they finished, they handed me 58 pages of email messages. We were only one week into Nate’s illness, and I could see my project was going to remain undone. I still plan to get to it during the cold, quiet days of January and February. It even crossed my mind I could make a day-to-day flip calendar with one or two of these powerful sentences on each small page. The counsel that came to us is priceless, and I want to preserve it for myself and others.
The GIFTS section of the pink book was for recording everything given to us during those difficult days of escalating cancer. I wanted to send thank you notes but knew as the over-full, exhausting days raced past, it wouldn’t get done any time soon. Today I counted the gift items written on these pages, things like flowers, meals, books, CDs, checks, gift cards, stamps, stationary, bath products and creams, fruit baskets, vitamins and cash. Altogether there are 203 things written down. I stand amazed. I’m chipping away at thank you notes, and each one is a joy to write.
The CHARITIES section has the names of people who generously gave to The Orchard, Moody Church and Pacific Garden Mission in Nate’s honor. Again and again I’ve been flabbergasted by the big hearts of so many, giving and giving, again and again.
I’ve now started a fifth section that will not fit into the pink book at all. I’m writing down specific incidents people have shared in writing about Nate, quite a few of them new to the kids and me. Many have taken time to record remembrances of him that I want to pass along to the next generation and the one after that. They need to know what “good stock” they come from, even if they arrive into our family down the road without any chance to meet their grandfather/great grandfather.
Once all the thank yous are sent and verses recorded, my project in 2010 is going to be systematic prayer for each person/family that is written in the pink book, whether they are a signature on a card, the giver of a gift, the author of an email or the sender of any greeting. I figure one day of focused prayer per name/family will yield benefits to pray-er and prayed-for alike, and I’m excited to get started.
For this most precious group of friends, family members and strangers, I will be forever grateful, bonded to them in a special way. They walked through the darkest time of our lives with us, and even when they didn’t know exactly what to do or say, they took a stab at it anyway, unwilling to do nothing. For their love, courage and labor, I am thankful.
“The generous will prosper. Those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed.” (Proverbs 11:25)
Hello, my friend. We are all seeing God establish His new purpose in your life already! What grand Kingdom plans He has for you. I understand wishing it were not so–this lonely journey we are now on–and at the same time loving it! God’s incredible surprises and blessings are indeed new every morning. I’m thick into the preparations of my Africa trip next week, packing sewing supplies, eager to meet the women who will receive sewing machines. Only God can give us purpose. Your powerful prayers will move more than we can imagine in our humanness. I give thanks that He is revealing His new purposes for you so soon. The Son is shining brightly today. Love, Miriam
Hi Margaret,
As I was listening to today’s message at church, I could not help but consider two verses in respect to your prayer project, as well as your desire to preserve and share godly wisdom. The first is Revelation 5:9- not only will prayer benefit the saints and saints yet to come, but your prayers are a blessing to the Lord- you will be adding to His golden bowl of incense, a soothing and fragrant aroma to Him, particularly as it comes from lips drinking the cup of suffering. Your prayers will minister first and foremost to Him. The second is Revelation 4:12- and I think the Lord has particularly received from you wisdom- you won’t know until eternity itself how your writing is advancing His kingdom, and influencing and helping others in a myriad of circumstances and applications. Then I think of might- how you have given to Him all of your energies to do the tasks at hand and to trust Him for such reserve to do all you could, like the woman with the vial of perfume. And then I think of how you have given Him all honor and glory- as you have deflected recognition and praise and thanks to Him, He has in return given a radiance to your face, the Son reflecting on the moon- most striking in two pictures on Linnea’s blog- the one with you holding Skylar and the other at the beach campfire. Continuing to pray for you and your children as you walk through many firsts.
Fondly, Terry
“Unwilling to do nothing”…..did you read my mind? So many times I would sit, reeling from the day’s post, overwhelmed at the grace being bestowed upon you and through you, and thinking…”I can’t just do nothing!” Even though it seemed like nothing edifying was forthcoming….the worse travesty was to “do nothing.” Just to let you know that your words…your life, your very faith were impacting so many of us who were watching, and waiting, and reading…..rather breathless at the unfolding of events. So now we find out there was a notebook. And pink, at that! I would have never figured you for pink! 🙂 But then, that is what has made this whole journey so fascinating. As Terry said, there are just so many firsts. And none of the “lasts” are final, so death where is your victory? O death where is your sting? Thanks be to God that in His book of remembrance, there are detailed accounts of those who feared the Lord, and who spoke to one another and the Lord gave attention….and heard. I think you are in very good company!!
What beautiful comments from Miriam, Terry and Tina. I only wish to add that even your organized pink notebook is a lovely testimony and example to others of how you chose to cope during the shocking, stressful, sorrowful, sleepless 42 days and nights of Nate’s battle. That is a very important notebook. It holds the names and actions of friends and family who stood with you and by you. It is heavy with profound words of Scripture and compassion, wet with tears of sadness and loss, and warm with great love for you. And soon it will become a book of prayers for those who cared enough to reach out over the miles to say or do something that would help you get through those dark and difficult days. Now you will fill your lonely days with prayer for those listed in the pink notebook, taking on a task that will bless others. What a beautiful gift that will be to all of us! Thank you, dear friend…with love, Rebecca