Two years ago, when I was a new widow, Sundays were the most difficult day of every week. Apparently this isn’t uncommon for a woman who’s lost her husband, since he was the one she’d spent every Sunday with, from sharing a hymnal, to a brunch after church, through an afternoon nap.
In the beginning I couldn’t sit in a service without tears and usually had to make use of the two tissues in my pocket. Just seeing a couple seated side-by-side in the congregation was enough to produce a wave of distress. If the husband put his arm around his wife or took her hand, it was over for me. These simple gestures were poignant reminders of what I’d lost, and it took over a year to become sorrow-free in church again.
During this second year, however, attending church hasn’t been nearly as difficult. To the contrary, it’s been a blessing. This morning, though, without warning, something popped me back to that first year. All it took was seeing a man’s wedding band.
He was sitting in front of me and had his arm over the back of his daughter’s chair. His ring was identical to Nate’s with milgrain-style edging. I focused on that ring and thought of Nate’s wedding band hanging on a gold chain in my bedroom at home. It was on a necklace only because it had been taken off his hand before we buried him, but it was never meant to be jewelry for me.
Many young grooms opt out of wedding bands these days, but Nate was delighted to wear his. The day in 1969 when I put it on his finger was, he told me, one of his lifetime highlights. He was glad to display his ring as a sign that he was married and never tired of talking about his family.
No marriage is without its difficult places, though. Often couples are taken by surprise with the tough stuff that comes along: career disappointments, accidents, bone-deep fatigue, physical handicaps, parenting challenges, unexpected deaths, money shortages, severe illness. Any one of these can swamp a couple.
God explained his purpose for marriage when he said it wasn’t good for people to spend too much time alone, but marriage isn’t always easy. His idea was that there be two people bonded in a show of togetherness that could defend their union against any common enemy, no matter what it was. In other words, “Whatever has threatened you has threatened me, too, and we’ll fight it together.” As Mom used to say, shared burdens are cut in half.
This morning, my glimpse of a stranger’s wedding band brought a jumble of thoughts as I sat in church missing Nate. But tears didn’t factor in. While staring at that familiar-looking wedding ring, I felt God prompting me toward gratitude, because Nate had been the one who saw to it that we made it through even the hard times.
“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.” (Ecclesiastes 4:12a)
Margaret, I had to write to tell you how much your blog speaks to me. I learned about you through one of Dr. Erwin Lutzer’s messages. I listen to him often through The Moody Church’s media resources. If I lived in Chicago, I’d definitely go to Moody Church. Though, I’m sure you and I will never meet in this life, I feel like I know you just from reading your blog, and that we could be good friends. I ask for your prayers as I now must take the lead in my home and marriage because my husband of 42 years has MS. Your mention of gratitude because Nate saw to it that you two made it through even the hard times made me also feel gratitude for the years my husband did the same for us, and now it is my turn to be the strong one. The past two years have been very hard on both of us, and I have to admit, that I have questioned God many times. Please continue to write as God leads you because there are people like me who need you. God Bless You, Betty B in NC
Betty, I will pray for you and your husband. It matters not that I don’t know you; the Lord certainly does …
Margaret, maybe Nate’s ring will be used again, by an adult child or grandkid.
Like Betty I learned of your site from a message by Dr. Lutzer. What a blessing your words are everyday. They encourage and help us all in our walk with the Lord.I have shared your site with many who are being blessed also
Thank you Margaret for obeying the Lord. Blessings on you and your wonderful family.
The sharing that happens in this blog is wonderful. Margaret you, your family and this blog have a permanent weekly spot on my prayer list, this includes the readers, some whom and know and more that I do not know. I count it a blessing to partner with you in prayer knowing God will continue to give you wisdom as you write for Him.
Marjorie, Your prayers for me and my husband me are greatly appreciated.
Betty,I will pray for you and your husband also. As a home care RN I know how difficult being the primary caregiver can be. God WILL given you the strength,patience and grace to take care of your precious husband. God bless.
Margaret-again thank you for this blog site!
Norma, Thank you for your prayers and words of encouragement.
The word I wish to share with all of your readers is “THROUGH” – when Jesus called Nate home and the spouses of others reading your blog, HE – knew – what you would go ‘through’…and promised “He would never leave you nor forsake you”….and HE has become your spouse (whatever the gender)…if you have followed Him….! Our ‘LIFE POWER’ IS TRULY IN THE TONGUE…speaking God’s word over ourselves – Deut. 28: 1-14….Rom. 4: 17-18 and again in Heb…SPEAKING into the natural – what God has already provided us in the SPIRITUAL. We ARE SPIRITS in a fleshly body…the same power that raised Jesus from the dead is OURS – !
May God renew your hearts, restore your strength and bless you with His peace as never before….He never promised we not have trials on earth…and it seems they come one right after the other sometime….but He WILL see us THROUGH them and we are made stronger because of overcoming them.
I love when you write about marriage. Maybe that should be your next book topic?? =)
Thank you Margaret for valedating my feelings about going to church since I lost my husband last March. It is the most difficult thing for me to do. Thanks for the blessing that maybe next year won’t be so hard.