As of today, I’ve been a widow for 2½ years, though it feels like it’s been much longer than that, maybe a decade longer. Most widows agree. That might be because of all the tears cried or maybe just the many radical life changes. It could simply be the fatiguing nature of deep grief. Whatever the reason for feeling like a long-term widow, I can still identify quite a few positives coming out of those same 2½ years.
Widowhood was God’s choice for me in exactly the way and time it came. I can view it as a crisis sent from him or the result of living in a fallen world. Or I can take a completely different approach and see it as the reason I expanded my dependency on the Lord to a depth I would never have known without becoming a widow.
Women with husbands have this same opportunity to lean hard on God day to day, hour to hour, but taking advantage of it isn’t the driving force it is for a widow. When widowhood hits, extreme neediness forces a quest to find a new system of support and guidance.
Some women hold back, mad at God for taking their men. Others try to go on “as always,” but of course that doesn’t work. The Lord patiently stands at-the-ready, waiting with open arms and unlimited resources to step into the increased role we need from him.
If we don’t pull in close to him right away, it’s comforting to know he’ll wait until we’re ready. His offer of kindness, strength, and provision is open-ended, for always. The more desperate we become, the greater his rescue.
I’ll always miss Nate. We met when we were both 21, having officially left childhood behind, and were eager to start adulthood together. My entire adult life was spent in partnership with him, and although we had the usual marital disagreements, I’ll never forget the happiness we shared.
Since widowhood, with God’s steady encouragement and provision, the painful parts of our separation are mostly behind me. I can even think through the details of Nate’s cancer, his last hours, and his funeral without crying, which is exactly what other widows told me would eventually happen.
Although I never would have requested widowhood, as I pass the 2½ year mark, my memories are sweet, and the future, though undefined, is not a threat. I’ve found God’s ears open to my cries and his promises spot-on. And I’m confident that what’s been true of him during these past few years will continue to be true into the distant future.
And part of that future will always be to tell the story of how good he’s been to me.
“The widow who is really in need… puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help.” (1 Timothy 5:5)
Just beautiful, Margaret! Your testimony of God’s faithfulness and loving care is magnificent! You are dearly loved….
I have been a widow for just over a year and a half and have been reading your blog for almost that long. During that time God has used you to speak directly to my heart. This journey through widowhood has been full of many blessings as well as hardships and fear, it has caused myself and my adult children to look to God for comfort and guidance. Thank you for letting God guide your words… they’ve gotten me through many long nights
I can agree fully with you Margeret, and Sherry. I have been a widow for nearly 3 years and it’s still hard but we all seem to look to God for all He has to offer and accept it. Amen
Thank you for your inspirational thoughts. I have been a widow for almost 7 months now. My husband too died from cancer.
However, we only knew for about 3 weeks before he went home to be with the Lord. I can relate to alot of what you say. This trial has truly brought me closer to my Lord and Savior and I have learned to depend on Him more each day. I thank God for a Godly husband who not only loved the Lord deeply but he loved me deeply too. Not everyone has that relationship with their spouse and I truly thank God for that. Again that you for sharing, it is helping many of us widows to know it will get better.
i was very touched by your words. i too lost my husband 9 months ago from cancer. every day to me is very trying but i notice that when i get up and read the bible and pray to the lord the day goes much smoother. right now with the holidays it seems to be a real bear but i feel if i rest more and don’t think so much its easier to get through them. i try not to expect too much or be too hard on myself so i can keep my nervous system working right. thanks for writing
I recently found your blog and read it everyday. Your encouragement is just wonderful. I have been widowed for four months . We were married for 48 years and feel I could not do this without my faith and God leading me every step of the way. I have such peace knowing my husband is no long in pain from cancer and know he is with our Lord and Savior.
Once AGAIN Margaret you beautifully wrote what is in my heart! Thank you for putting into blessed words those thoughts that only you can verbally express. Thank you.
Claudia wrote so beautifully what is in my heart and brain. Margaret, you have touched hundreds with your transparent thoughts, and led them to a closer relationship with the Lord. Just this morning, my devotions pointed out to me (again!) that what He wants is not works – He wants relationship – and as you said, He waits with open arms for us to run into. I’m so thankful we have Abba Father!
This is coming from the cheap seats….or the not yet widowed, but I am sure I’m not alone in saying that reading your blog has given me a whole new appreciation for my husband, and for valuing whatever time we have left together. And I am printing this out for my mother, widowed just 4 weeks ago on Easter Sunday. 66 years was God’s gift to them, so the future must be rather dim to her right now. She exemplified living one day at a time during his long illness, so I know she will appreciate your perspective on time. Thank you so much. You have given new meaning to “extended family”—and won’t heaven be that much richer for finally meeting people we didn’t meet here!
Margaret
You two look so great together in the picture.
I do miss Nate so much. He was such a loving friend to
me, and had such a warm heart and a winning smile.
God’s blessing to you and your children.
Don Ontiveros
I lost my husband in January 18.2013. My world ended that day, at least thats the I felt and still do at this time. I am a Christian and my husdand Gene was a wonderful Christian husband ,father ,grandfather and great grandfather. They all adored him, as did I, We were married 60 years. I loved every minute of our marriage. I spent my whole life as his wife and loved it. He died with CHF. He went so fast at the last I didn’t feel I had suffient time to say good-bybe. I have read your book 3 times along with my Bible. It has helped me so much. I can’t thank you enough for writing it. Every thing you tell about is exactly how I felted or am feeling. Just pulled up your blog and will make it a daily reading.God bless you and I pray I can find the peace that you have. I know God is there all the time, I am just having a hard time giving it all to Him.
i have been a widow for 6 years now, i lost my husband when i was 23,most times it feels like it just happened yesterday,i just discovered your blog and just today i like it ,i am looking forward to reading it thank you.GOD bless you.
I am a widow for 6 months now. I so long for a widow friend that I could e-mail and express my feeling and fears and talk back and forth to help each other. It is so lonely I want to draw nearer and nearer to my Lord.
Margaret,
A few days after My precious husband went to be with Jesus, I saw your book advertised , mentioned it to my son, and in a few days it arrived!! There are no coincidences with God…only God- incidences….a phrase coined by Bob Russell,former pastor of Southeast Christian Church in Louisville, Kentucky!! I feel as if we have such parallel stories….except I only have 2 children!!!
It has been almost 17 months since my Ronnie passed from this life into the next, and although I feel as though I should be doing better, the loneliness is sometimes overbearing! I can truly relate to understanding God wanting me to put more faith in Him than I did in my husband!! He was my best friend, my confidante, my lover…we did everything together the last 5 years of his life, as he had retired from his position…although, he called it being ” re- deployed” to do God’s work somewhere else!! We had been married one month shy of 44 years, but we met when I was 16 and he was 18…so we spent more of our lives together than a lot of folks do!! I am very grateful to The Lord for giving us so many wonderful years together, I just was hoping for more!! All that being said, I know I need to move on into this life of ” widowhood”, but I am finding it very difficult! I have more responsibilities than you can imagine, and although I knew everything that was involved in our ” business” areas , I always called him the ” brains” of the outfit!!! I have had to step up to the plate and tackle things that are so far out of my comfort zone….but praise God, He has done it all, and I need to continue to trust Him to tackle the myriad of other issues that I am facing!
Reading your book over and over has been helpful and together with The Lord, I know He will get me through all of this. It may not be the way I would always want it to be, but I know He is growing me up into the woman that He wants me to be!!
Thank you for pouring your heart and your thoughts into that wonderful devotional guide. It is my prayer that as I begin to heal that I too, can be a help to others going through this time!
May God bless you,
Rena Doran
Your book was given to me by a friend who lost her husband five years ago. I have been a widow for 1 1/2 years. It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. We were married 16 days short of 30 years. Your book tells it like it is but with a positive and thankful conclusion to each day’s thought. I have read it three times now and am just now starting to see my situation as part of God’s loving plan for my life. Even though I still have no clue how God is going to work this all out for good I now know that He is drawing me closer to Him and I want to be found trusting and obeying. Thanks for using the gift God has given you to put down on paper just what becoming a widow is like and for helping me look to the only one who can get me through this time. I have purchased other copies and sent them to others I know who have recently become widows too.
I lost my husband 5 months ago. He died of Sarcoma cancer. I miss him everyday., but with the Lord’said help I am moving on. My husband lives on in my heart. Thank God I can still work. That helps me through helping others