Category Archives: Adult Children

Happy Birthday, Nate.

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Dear Nate…

IMG_1744Today was the 5th year in a row you weren’t here to celebrate your birthday with us, and the 5th year I’ve written you a letter on your special day. All of your children checked in with your wife during the day, and we reminisced about the years we had with you. Your family loves you.

Even as I write that, though, I realize you have a new extended family where you are now, each one a heavenly relative, most you hadn’t even met till you got to heaven. You probably don’t miss us like we miss you, but that’s ok. Someday we’ll all understand, when we’re there, too.

In the mean time, here’s a sampling of comments from a few of your children today. Birgitta said, “When I think of Papa, I feel overwhelmed with thankfulness for the man he was! He will always be missed.”

Linnea said, “Being on vacation right now reminds me of all the fun vacations Papa took us on as kids.”

Nelson commented about the 5 years that have passed since you died. He concluded with this: “Time on earth really is short. It’s challenging to think about how we spend our time and what’s important.”

???????????????????????????????Today I’ve been thinking about the 25 Augusts we spent in the North Woods of Wisconsin, always celebrating our birthdays together there with the family. It struck me that when we started going to Afterglow Lake Resort, we were both 32. When we ended that tradition, we were 57 – having gone from “kids” to middle-age adults as we birthday-partied through those years. Yes, indeed, time is short.

I often wonder if you’re aware of our lives on earth. Do you know your sister-in-law Mary has the same cancer you had? We’re grateful it was caught early and that she did well through radical surgery to remove the tumor.

Now she’s enduring the miseries of chemotherapy, without complaint. Maybe you already knew that. Today, as she was making her way to her 12th infusion, she took time to write a tribute to you. And I thought you’d appreciate it as much as I did. She wrote:

???????????????????????????????I’m thinking of Nate today and all the happy memories we have. Your blog also reminded me of how magnificently he did as he soldiered on through all that God called him to endure, all the way to the end.

He is a good example for me and continues to inspire, even though he’s no longer with us. I often wondered why the Lord facilitated or allowed my being present for much of Nate’s last weeks, and now I know. I needed to see firsthand how a person dies well. Nate did that, and I pray I might do as well when my time comes. He was a good, trustworthy, and faithful man who ran the race marked out for him with grace and perseverance. We miss him.

*                  *                      *                      *                      *                     *

Amen to that.

I love you, Nate.

I thank my God every time I remember you. (Philippians 1:3)

Grow… Grow… Grow…

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Margaret and MarjieWhen I was in 6th grade, Marjie Simmons (not her real name) was my best friend. One school day we were outside during recess when she said, “Something bad’s gonna happen.”

“What?” I said.

“We’re moving.”

I was speechless. Marjie said she wouldn’t be going to 7th grade with me, because she’d be living over 1000 miles away. This was devastating. When I told Mom, she kindly sympathized, but Dad said, “What’s all the fuss about? Before long you’ll forget all about her.”

My eleven-year-old heart was broken, because in my mind Marjie would always be #1. The thought of forgetting her was beyond comprehension. Although Dad hadn’t spoken with much tact, it turned out he was right. The sadness of Marjie’s departure didn’t last long, and other girlfriends soon took her place.

Marjie probably moved away from our friendship without difficulty, just as I did, because children go through life-changes like water through a funnel. They’re not the only ones changing, though. We adults have to change, too, since not changing leads to no place good.

Tying shoesA child’s goals are reachable: learning to walk, tying a bow, writing a name. Later it’s a little more work: conquering a sport, getting a license, buying a car. Once the childhood goals are met, things get downright complicated: choosing a career, finding a mate, conquering a bad habit. As our decisions grow in importance, we have to grow in maturity, and that includes the most difficult growth-arena, spiritual maturity.

My sister Mary and I once had a talk about our prayer lives. Compared to the volume of Mom’s praying, we were pathetic, still riding on her spiritual coattails as grown women. But eventually both of us succumbed to God’s conviction and responded to his prayer-invitation.

Then Mom died. We found ourselves wondering who would fill the prayer-void Mom had left, especially in reference to our own families.

“Maybe that’s us?” I said.

“And we arrived just in time,” Mary said, in a reference to Mom’s departure.

Although that change was long in coming, it’s one example of spiritual growth. We all have change-choice options. I should always be asking, “How can I do better? What does God want me to do now? Where can I improve?” To follow his lead is to avoid a stall or a stagnation.

Marjie Simmons and I quickly grew apart as kids, exactly as Dad had predicted. If we met again, both of us would have changed radically since our days together in 6th grade. But maybe if I did find her, we could be brand new friends.

I wonder if she’s on Facebook…

”We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. Then… you will grow as you learn to know God better and better.” (Colossians 1:9-10)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Please pray that the anti-nausea IV before tomorrow’s chemo (#11) will work as well as it did last Monday.
  2. I’m thankful for summer, because of extra time with children and grandchildren.

Names and Nicknames

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As each one of our children was born, Nate and I established two guidelines for naming them: (1) to follow Swedish tradition, and (2) for their names to be uncommon. We named them Nelson, Lars, Linnea, Klaus, Hans, Louisa and Birgitta.

We knew we were taking a chance by using unusual names and hoped our offspring wouldn’t hate them, but of course as youngsters they wanted to share commonly used names so that when they were asked, no repetition would be necessary. But as we hoped, they grew into their names, eventually becoming thankful for them.

In a hospital scene repeated seven times, Nate and I did what all parents do; we studied each newborn face and finalized a name, a delightful process. Although we went into labor and delivery with a list of boy and girl favorites, it didn’t seem right to actually choose until we got a look at him or her. Then, almost always, the “right” name popped out of the list.

Part of those naming conversations would always be mulling over possible nicknames, exploring whether or not any of those might evolve into teasing. Now we know there isn’t a name anywhere without nickname potential, even for adults.

Midge-Pidge beach chairsSeveral years ago our younger girls gave Nate and I nicknames: Pidge and Midge (see beach chairs). I liked mine, but Nate wasn’t enamored with his. “Sounds a lot like pigeon,” he said. Mary and Bervin became Modge and Podge, and one of their daughters Morge. So we were Midge, Pidge, Modge, Podge, and Morge.

Names are important to God. Scripture says he wrote us into the Book of Life from before the world was even made. In his limitless foreknowledge, he knew what people like Nate and I would decide to name each of our children and already had those choices written down. Such a thought is mind-boggling and completely wonderful.

At some future date when God decides the world will end, he says we’re going to receive new names, each one known only to the person receiving it. (Revelation 2:17) This sounds mysterious, especially because when it happens, he’s going to write it on a white stone as he gives it to us. Maybe it’s these new names that are written in his book rather than the names we now have.

The bookIn any case, Jesus makes it clear, while teaching his followers, that even more important than a name itself is where it’s written down. Is it in his Book? If it is, it’ll stand strong as a reservation for residence in heaven.

“Do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.” (Luke 10:20)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Pray for minimal nausea after chemo #10 tomorrow and an absence of other side effects.
  2. My second feeding tube is acting up just like the first one, prohibiting sleep. Pray we’ll get some help tomorrow while we’re there for chemo.
  3. I’m grateful for a full day at Moody Church today, and for the quiet of our “little nest” in the Chicago condo. Thank you for your prayers.